Make The Batlord Do Stuff
 

You know those old text adventure games where you have to type in commands to get a character to perform actions and go on some quest? And there's little to no explanation of what your objective is, where you are, how to do anything, no graphics, etc?

Well this is The Batlord version.

Rules:

1.) I can only perform a single action at a time (i.e. no "do this, and then this, and then this" actions).

2.) The first person to post will be the only one I respond to at any given time.

3.) If I can not perform the action, you're SOL. The next poster after my response still gets dibs, even if it's not you.

Let's do this...


The Batlord wakes up. He is lying in bed in a dark room.

What does he do now?

fap

going for realism here

The Batlord faps to your mother. The Batlord cums. It tastes salty.

What does he do now?

Faps

Attempt unsuccessful. The Batlord is not a machine.

What does he do now?

Faps

The Batlord passes out from exhaustion.

The Batlord wakes up with a sore arm. He is lying in bed in a dark room.

What does he do now?

Cries over his pointless life.

The Batlord attempts sorrow, but knows only glory.

He is lying in bed in a dark room.

What does he do now?

fap

The Batlord is rejuvenated by rest and thoughts of himself. Attempt successful. His penis is now encrusted with dried ejaculate.

He is lying in bed in a dark room.

What does he do now?

Leaves the dark room to go fap in public

The Batlord attempts to leave the room, but can not see in the darkness. He accidentally hits his testicles on a solid object.

What does he do now?

Curses the solid object responsible for the testicle abrasion, which causes the spirit of Cthulhu to be summoned from it.

**** your rules about one thing at a time

The Batlord curses the solid object. No response. Cthulhu's spirit can not see in the darkened room, and returns from whence he came.

What does The Batlord do now?

tickles his bruised testes.

Um, puts on the light/lamp?
(I think you've given us enough clues)

The Batlord tickles his bruised testicles. They sway back and forth like a mighty pendulum.

He is in a dark room.

What does he do now?

Too late.

picks his bellybutton.

What do you mean, too late? Has some horrible demon reached out and wrapped you in its tentacles, striking out of the stygian darkness before you could ... who DID you take home last night, anyway?

You have to be the first post.. I beat you again.. sorry TH.

The Batlord picks his bellybutton.

Belly button lint mixed with rancid sweat and skin oils overwhelm his sense of smell and he passes out.

He wakes up in the dark room.

What does he do now?

Faps

Nm.

For someone who gets EXTREMELY serious about rules and regulations and wants people to read the OP of every thread so they know about them...this is kind of embarrassing

:laughing:

#Trollgate2015

Ah. I see.
Nah, it wasn't clear. I didn't know he was referring to the post delay. Anyway it's just fun so who cares? I get serious about my rules because, well, what I do is serious. This isn't.

Someone make him walk into a wall in the dark.. :)

The Batlord attempts to fap. It's just work, now.

He wakes up in the dark room.

What does he do now?

Dude, it's a text adventure game. You can only input one question at a time. I'm going for authenticity, here.

Don't you get anything?

Fart with vigor

The Batlord farts with vigor.

The Batlord ****s his pants.

The Batlord is covered in **** in the dark room.

What does he do?

Turn on the light to see just how bad it is

The Batlord turns on the light.

It's pretty bad. There's **** leaking out of my shorts and oozing down my legs and into my shoes.

The Batlord is covered in **** in the bright room.

What does he do?

turn the light back off

The Batlord turns off the light.

The Batlord is covered in **** and jizz in the dark room.

What does he do?

grab the black light

The Batlord grabs the dark light (That makes it sound like I've ascended to another level of being.)

While checking himself, The Batlord's hand became smeared in ****. The dark room now smells like burnt dookie.

What does he do now?

Insert a bar of soap into your anus. Rinse under tap first if necessary.

It's too dark. The Batlord can't find anything.

What does he do now?