The Torture Chamber

Oriphiel · 10-14-2015, 08:37 AM

Only seven songs? This should be a walk in the park. Let me pull up a video of the first song...

Bruce Springsteen - The Wild, The Innocent, and the E Street Shuffle

1. The E Street Shuffle - Kicking off with the sound of an orchestra committing suicide, I can already tell that this is going to suck. Bruce's vocals come in, sounding like a dude banshee crying out in pain while taking a violent shit in the boggy moors of mediocre rock. The saxophone sounds so much like a fart that I think this song is actually just a recording of Bruce shuffling down E Street to get to a bathroom as quick as possible. The only thing that saves this song is the funky backing band, but even if they were the best band in the world, they could only do so much, in the same way that a beautiful frame can't make a canvas that someone took a shit on look all that much better.

2. 4th of July, Asbury Park (Sandy) - The video for this one was preceded by an ad for Taco Bell, as if youtube knew that I was being assaulted by a figurative wave of shit, and thought that I would appreciate a literal one as well. The song starts with some guitar strumming, and then the perpetually drunk guy from your local karaoke bar starts vomiting out words. More instruments come in, including an accordion, because of course there would be an accordion in a goofy ass song like this.

3. Kitty's Back - This song sounds like it slid out of a kitty's backside. It starts off as more goofy funky cheese, before slowing down as Bruce musically ejaculates all over himself, and then it gets *groan* jazzy. Someone walks across a keyboard, and the saxophones come in later on, showing uncharacteristic mercy as they quickly depart. One of the youtube comments says "If you are still sitting... why?!", and I have to ask that question as well. After having this musical pear of anguish rip through their ass, how could anyone sit still rather than run around screaming in pain?

4. Wild Billy's Circus Story - Bruce starts this one by softly saying "A one, two, three four...", and then farting into the microphone. I swear to god. He keeps going, and the accordion makes another appearance, like one of those horrible fucking shows that keeps inexplicably popping up no matter how many times you change the channel. Bruce starts moaning while strumming a guitar, and "singing" about a bunch of people working in a circus. I think he's "singing" from experience when he mentions the circus' human cannonball, because with all of this baritone farting he's doing, he's almost certainly done his fair share of flying around, propelling himself through the air like a satanic blimp.

5. Incident On 57th Street - This one starts with a piano, before getting all cheesy and funky. Bruce serenades the audience, sounding like an unspeakable hellbeast crooning up at the balcony of his spirit-rending lover. It slows down a bit near the end, before picking up again. A choir of fallen angels comes in and backs Bruce up, desperate to please the man that has no doubt claimed possession of their souls, and forced them to be in this abomination of an album. The song ends as it began, with a piano, reminding the audience that all people eventually leave this world the same way that they came into it; despite being surrounded by others, we are scared and alone, desperately searching for comfort.

6. Rosalita - Guitars, drums, and then a saxophone. When the end times eventually come, and the four horsemen of the apocalypse ravage the world, I have no doubt that the haunting sound of Bruce's saxophonist will herald the arrival of Pestilence, travelling along deadly winds of disease. This song is yet another goofy funky mess. According to a rumor, Bruce got a severe case of indigestion before recording the vocals for this song. Desperate to finish the tune, someone recorded The Boss' pain-tinged wailing from the other side of the bathroom door, and the rest was history. Ha ha ha. Kill me.

7. New York City Serenade (for Lenny)- Starts off with a piano, before a guitar eventually buzzes past like a mosquito. After some strumming, Bruce starts whining while someone plays the bongos in the background. Ugh. After that accordion business earlier, adding bongos to the mix makes this album a floppy musical phallus that slaps into your ears with reckless abandon. One of the youtube comments reads "This song is a little deep. I don't want to talk down to nobody, but if you didn't get the first time, you won't get it this time." Jesus, that crap is so pretentious that even Frownland just slapped his forehead. It's a whiny song about living in the city, and it's about as deep as a puddle of piss sliding around the floor of a New York metro car. I don't know who the "Lenny" is that this song was dedicated to, but I think he has a fair case for suing Bruce for aural assault.

This album is genuinely bad. If you like Bruce, then you will probably enjoy it, granted the mental asylum you're staying in deems that you're stable enough to have a music collection in your room.

All jokes aside, it was alright. Definitely not my cup of tea. I probably won't ever listen to it again.

Trollheart · 10-14-2015, 09:36 AM

Serious props man! I love Bruce, and the last three tracks, but the rest of it is really hard for even a Springsteen nut to get through. There was a reason you got this instead of, say, Darkness or The River. Impressed you made it through, and like your writing style. Sometimes the only way to make it through is to say "This isn't horrible, it's funny!" isn't it? I learned that with Five Men Singing...

Oh, and how can you not know who Lenny is?

Oriphiel · 10-14-2015, 09:52 AM

^ Thanks! I'm dreading the next abominations that you and Batlord throw at me.

Trollheart · 10-14-2015, 09:58 AM

Two quick announcements:

Frownland, your album from Batty (ICP) was sent on the 12th. This is the 14th. You need to make a start on that or tomorrow will be your first Yellow Alert, and you then risk losing half your score to him. You don't want to do that, do you? Imagine the taunting from him!

Also, Deadchannel: your battle is in limbo at the moment. You can't, as I've already said, just claim you listened to the albums without backup evidence. Look at how Oriphiel and I have approached this. You don't have to be that detailed, but you need to reference some of the tracks to prove you made it through. You have one week from the date of your battle to do this, otherwise your battle will be considered lost, and Batty will get a score of 100.

Ninetales · 10-14-2015, 10:37 AM

So wait do I have to send someone specifically a torture rec thing? Like did Orphiel challenge me or something?

Oriphiel · 10-14-2015, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ninetales

So wait do I have to send someone specifically a torture rec thing? Like did Orphiel challenge me or something?

Yeah, I challenged you to listen to it. If you want, you can challenge someone who has signed up to listen to an album of your choosing.

Edit: Thanks TH!

Traveling_Alone · 10-14-2015, 12:09 PM

The Chesterfield Kings - Here Are the Chesterfield Kings

The Hustler - This album starts out with a song that is instantly recognizable as a tune from The Sonics album Boom. These guys don't do an awful job with this one. Its what I would imagine a revival band of this kind would be aiming for. I feel like this song has a bit of a heavier surf influence than a band like The Sonics had. Again, not an awful job being what it is.

You Better Look Now - Ehh, another cover. This time the song opens up and sounds even more surf influenced, mainly in guitar tone, than the previous tune did. Again, not a bad song. I've never listened to the original to make a comparison, but I'm again sorda bleh on this one much like the track above. The chorus is, uh, a bit annoying but I really can't put my finger on the reason why.

Outside Chance - This time we've got a song written by the one and only Warren Zevon, well co-written by him, and on The Turtles '66 album, You Baby. Am I hearing a tambourine? Some fun guitar work in here.

Little White Lies - We start out here with some chaotic guitar playing, and as soon as the vocals come in I immediately thought of The Cramps. I'm sure there's other earlier bands I could make a comparison with, but that was the band that came to mind first.

Won't Come Back - This might be the best song on the album so far. Still a rather bland attempt in many ways, I suppose. I like the guitar work, but my problem is that its exactly what I expect out of a band from 1966. Problem? Its 1982.

I'm Going Home - I like the addition of the harmonica in this song, but ehhh still fairly bland and kinda bleh.

Expo 200 - The intro to this song is almost "haunting" for a lack of a better word, quickly the surf-influenced guitar tone found throughout the album is present. Still rather laid back sounding so far in comparison to the other songs on the album. A bit more buzzy is the guitar. This song may actually be the best on the album so far with no vocals, which have kinda gotten on my nerves so far, present. I suppose it was okay, and something "fresh" maybe compared to the rest of the album.

Come With Me - Quickly starts off and sounds even more surf influenced than the previous songs. Keys are heavily present here.

Fluctuation - Coming in at 4:05 this is the longest song on the album. But also maybe the most generic. Not a lot happening here. Okay, around 3:30 we're getting a little harmonica action. I suppose that's SOMETHING more than what was previously going on. As soon as the harmonica playing starts though the song is winding down.

Satisfaction Guaranteed - Another song you would expect to hear. Nothing special going on. Some tambourine in the background. Not an awful song, not a great song, just.. a song.

99th Floor - Again, some harmonica thrown around in this one, but just like before as soon as it comes in its gone. And yes this is the Billy Gibbons/Moving Sidewalks tune.

Time to Kill - So far this is yet another generic, exactly what I'd expect, run of the mill song for an album like this. Albeit, not awful. Just.. expected.

60 Second Swinger - The organ is somewhat.. interesting here.. I guess interesting is the word I would use, haha. Its present throughout the song.

Overall breakdown of this album is something as follows: I had a really hard time reviewing this one. I felt like I was repeating myself over and over.. much as the album seemed to do. The album bored me in a lot of ways, but I wouldn't call it an awful album. If you simply can't get enough of 60s garage rock, you may very well be into this. Personally, if I'm gonna listen to a 60s band I want them to be.. well, a 60s band. And not a revival band. The revival thing hardly ever works for me, though, such as with a lot of the thrash revival bands. Something new should be brought to the table, and very rarely does that happen. So while this album didn't quiet torture me in an "GOD THIS IS AWFUL!" way, it did bore me a bit. Luckily the songs are generally around 2:15 long.

Oriphiel · 10-14-2015, 12:18 PM

Nice work! I thought a hardcore Garage Revival band with a nasally vocalist would be tough for most people to get through, but you seemed to handle it really well!

Traveling_Alone · 10-14-2015, 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oriphiel

Nice work! I thought a hardcore Garage Revival band with a nasally vocalist would be tough for most people to get through, but you seemed to handle it really well!

If I had to pick an aspect of the album I disliked the most it would probably be the vocals. That and everything seemed to run together. I most likely won't be returning to the album by any means.

--

Also, while talking about The Boss I wasn't really a fan until I heard Nebraska. And nothing else I've heard by him hits me like that album. He is a huge influence on many of my favorites though, so I have a lot of respect for the man.

Trollheart · 10-14-2015, 12:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ninetales

So wait do I have to send someone specifically a torture rec thing? Like did Orphiel challenge me or something?

Yeah. You choose from the signup list and say "Yo (member)! This is for you!" and then it goes on the list of battles. You can see who's battling who on the OP.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oriphiel

Yeah, I challenged you to listen to it. If you want, you can challenge someone who has signed up to listen to an album of your choosing.

Hey Trollheart, I just noticed that the list of battles is mixed up. I challenged Travelling Alone to listen to Here Are The Chesterfield Kings, so it should be "Travelling Alone vs Oriphiel" instead of "Ninetales vs Travelling Alone.

Sorry about that: got a little confused. Will amend.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oriphiel

Nice work! I thought a hardcore Garage Revival band with a nasally vocalist would be tough for most people to get through, but you seemed to handle it really well!

x2

I must say, I'm pretty impressed with everyone's stamina here so far. Nobody has chickened out halfway, which leaves all the Torturers so far with a big fat zero! Yay us!

10-14-2015, 08:37 AM	#61 (permalink)
Oriphiel Ask me how! Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: The States Posts: 5,355	Only seven songs? This should be a walk in the park. Let me pull up a video of the first song... Bruce Springsteen - The Wild, The Innocent, and the E Street Shuffle 1. The E Street Shuffle - Kicking off with the sound of an orchestra committing suicide, I can already tell that this is going to suck. Bruce's vocals come in, sounding like a dude banshee crying out in pain while taking a violent shit in the boggy moors of mediocre rock. The saxophone sounds so much like a fart that I think this song is actually just a recording of Bruce shuffling down E Street to get to a bathroom as quick as possible. The only thing that saves this song is the funky backing band, but even if they were the best band in the world, they could only do so much, in the same way that a beautiful frame can't make a canvas that someone took a shit on look all that much better. 2. 4th of July, Asbury Park (Sandy) - The video for this one was preceded by an ad for Taco Bell, as if youtube knew that I was being assaulted by a figurative wave of shit, and thought that I would appreciate a literal one as well. The song starts with some guitar strumming, and then the perpetually drunk guy from your local karaoke bar starts vomiting out words. More instruments come in, including an accordion, because of course there would be an accordion in a goofy ass song like this. 3. Kitty's Back - This song sounds like it slid out of a kitty's backside. It starts off as more goofy funky cheese, before slowing down as Bruce musically ejaculates all over himself, and then it gets groan jazzy. Someone walks across a keyboard, and the saxophones come in later on, showing uncharacteristic mercy as they quickly depart. One of the youtube comments says "If you are still sitting... why?!", and I have to ask that question as well. After having this musical pear of anguish rip through their ass, how could anyone sit still rather than run around screaming in pain? 4. Wild Billy's Circus Story - Bruce starts this one by softly saying "A one, two, three four...", and then farting into the microphone. I swear to god. He keeps going, and the accordion makes another appearance, like one of those horrible fucking shows that keeps inexplicably popping up no matter how many times you change the channel. Bruce starts moaning while strumming a guitar, and "singing" about a bunch of people working in a circus. I think he's "singing" from experience when he mentions the circus' human cannonball, because with all of this baritone farting he's doing, he's almost certainly done his fair share of flying around, propelling himself through the air like a satanic blimp. 5. Incident On 57th Street - This one starts with a piano, before getting all cheesy and funky. Bruce serenades the audience, sounding like an unspeakable hellbeast crooning up at the balcony of his spirit-rending lover. It slows down a bit near the end, before picking up again. A choir of fallen angels comes in and backs Bruce up, desperate to please the man that has no doubt claimed possession of their souls, and forced them to be in this abomination of an album. The song ends as it began, with a piano, reminding the audience that all people eventually leave this world the same way that they came into it; despite being surrounded by others, we are scared and alone, desperately searching for comfort. 6. Rosalita - Guitars, drums, and then a saxophone. When the end times eventually come, and the four horsemen of the apocalypse ravage the world, I have no doubt that the haunting sound of Bruce's saxophonist will herald the arrival of Pestilence, travelling along deadly winds of disease. This song is yet another goofy funky mess. According to a rumor, Bruce got a severe case of indigestion before recording the vocals for this song. Desperate to finish the tune, someone recorded The Boss' pain-tinged wailing from the other side of the bathroom door, and the rest was history. Ha ha ha. Kill me. 7. New York City Serenade (for Lenny)- Starts off with a piano, before a guitar eventually buzzes past like a mosquito. After some strumming, Bruce starts whining while someone plays the bongos in the background. Ugh. After that accordion business earlier, adding bongos to the mix makes this album a floppy musical phallus that slaps into your ears with reckless abandon. One of the youtube comments reads "This song is a little deep. I don't want to talk down to nobody, but if you didn't get the first time, you won't get it this time." Jesus, that crap is so pretentious that even Frownland just slapped his forehead. It's a whiny song about living in the city, and it's about as deep as a puddle of piss sliding around the floor of a New York metro car. I don't know who the "Lenny" is that this song was dedicated to, but I think he has a fair case for suing Bruce for aural assault. This album is genuinely bad. If you like Bruce, then you will probably enjoy it, granted the mental asylum you're staying in deems that you're stable enough to have a music collection in your room. All jokes aside, it was alright. Definitely not my cup of tea. I probably won't ever listen to it again. __________________ ---------------------- \|---Mic's Albums---\| ---------------------- ----------------------------- \|---Deafbox Industries---\| ----------------------------- Last edited by Oriphiel; 10-14-2015 at 08:44 AM.

10-14-2015, 09:36 AM	#62 (permalink)
Trollheart Born to be mild Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 404 Not Found Posts: 26,971	Serious props man! I love Bruce, and the last three tracks, but the rest of it is really hard for even a Springsteen nut to get through. There was a reason you got this instead of, say, Darkness or The River. Impressed you made it through, and like your writing style. Sometimes the only way to make it through is to say "This isn't horrible, it's funny!" isn't it? I learned that with Five Men Singing... Oh, and how can you not know who Lenny is? __________________ Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

10-14-2015, 09:52 AM	#63 (permalink)
Oriphiel Ask me how! Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: The States Posts: 5,355	^ Thanks! I'm dreading the next abominations that you and Batlord throw at me. __________________ ---------------------- \|---Mic's Albums---\| ---------------------- ----------------------------- \|---Deafbox Industries---\| -----------------------------

10-14-2015, 09:58 AM	#64 (permalink)
Trollheart Born to be mild Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 404 Not Found Posts: 26,971	Two quick announcements: Frownland, your album from Batty (ICP) was sent on the 12th. This is the 14th. You need to make a start on that or tomorrow will be your first Yellow Alert, and you then risk losing half your score to him. You don't want to do that, do you? Imagine the taunting from him! Also, Deadchannel: your battle is in limbo at the moment. You can't, as I've already said, just claim you listened to the albums without backup evidence. Look at how Oriphiel and I have approached this. You don't have to be that detailed, but you need to reference some of the tracks to prove you made it through. You have one week from the date of your battle to do this, otherwise your battle will be considered lost, and Batty will get a score of 100. __________________ Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

10-14-2015, 12:18 PM	#68 (permalink)
Oriphiel Ask me how! Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: The States Posts: 5,355	Nice work! I thought a hardcore Garage Revival band with a nasally vocalist would be tough for most people to get through, but you seemed to handle it really well! __________________ ---------------------- \|---Mic's Albums---\| ---------------------- ----------------------------- \|---Deafbox Industries---\| -----------------------------

10-14-2015, 10:37 AM	#65 (permalink)
Ninetales Music Addict Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: livin wild Posts: 2,179	So wait do I have to send someone specifically a torture rec thing? Like did Orphiel challenge me or something?

10-14-2015, 12:09 PM	#67 (permalink)
Traveling_Alone Music Addict Join Date: Sep 2015 Location: GA Posts: 93	The Chesterfield Kings - Here Are the Chesterfield Kings The Hustler - This album starts out with a song that is instantly recognizable as a tune from The Sonics album Boom. These guys don't do an awful job with this one. Its what I would imagine a revival band of this kind would be aiming for. I feel like this song has a bit of a heavier surf influence than a band like The Sonics had. Again, not an awful job being what it is. You Better Look Now - Ehh, another cover. This time the song opens up and sounds even more surf influenced, mainly in guitar tone, than the previous tune did. Again, not a bad song. I've never listened to the original to make a comparison, but I'm again sorda bleh on this one much like the track above. The chorus is, uh, a bit annoying but I really can't put my finger on the reason why. Outside Chance - This time we've got a song written by the one and only Warren Zevon, well co-written by him, and on The Turtles '66 album, You Baby. Am I hearing a tambourine? Some fun guitar work in here. Little White Lies - We start out here with some chaotic guitar playing, and as soon as the vocals come in I immediately thought of The Cramps. I'm sure there's other earlier bands I could make a comparison with, but that was the band that came to mind first. Won't Come Back - This might be the best song on the album so far. Still a rather bland attempt in many ways, I suppose. I like the guitar work, but my problem is that its exactly what I expect out of a band from 1966. Problem? Its 1982. I'm Going Home - I like the addition of the harmonica in this song, but ehhh still fairly bland and kinda bleh. Expo 200 - The intro to this song is almost "haunting" for a lack of a better word, quickly the surf-influenced guitar tone found throughout the album is present. Still rather laid back sounding so far in comparison to the other songs on the album. A bit more buzzy is the guitar. This song may actually be the best on the album so far with no vocals, which have kinda gotten on my nerves so far, present. I suppose it was okay, and something "fresh" maybe compared to the rest of the album. Come With Me - Quickly starts off and sounds even more surf influenced than the previous songs. Keys are heavily present here. Fluctuation - Coming in at 4:05 this is the longest song on the album. But also maybe the most generic. Not a lot happening here. Okay, around 3:30 we're getting a little harmonica action. I suppose that's SOMETHING more than what was previously going on. As soon as the harmonica playing starts though the song is winding down. Satisfaction Guaranteed - Another song you would expect to hear. Nothing special going on. Some tambourine in the background. Not an awful song, not a great song, just.. a song. 99th Floor - Again, some harmonica thrown around in this one, but just like before as soon as it comes in its gone. And yes this is the Billy Gibbons/Moving Sidewalks tune. Time to Kill - So far this is yet another generic, exactly what I'd expect, run of the mill song for an album like this. Albeit, not awful. Just.. expected. 60 Second Swinger - The organ is somewhat.. interesting here.. I guess interesting is the word I would use, haha. Its present throughout the song. Overall breakdown of this album is something as follows: I had a really hard time reviewing this one. I felt like I was repeating myself over and over.. much as the album seemed to do. The album bored me in a lot of ways, but I wouldn't call it an awful album. If you simply can't get enough of 60s garage rock, you may very well be into this. Personally, if I'm gonna listen to a 60s band I want them to be.. well, a 60s band. And not a revival band. The revival thing hardly ever works for me, though, such as with a lot of the thrash revival bands. Something new should be brought to the table, and very rarely does that happen. So while this album didn't quiet torture me in an "GOD THIS IS AWFUL!" way, it did bore me a bit. Luckily the songs are generally around 2:15 long.