The Bitch Box

Merkaba · 07-03-2006, 11:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MURDER JUNKIE

My niece (who is 2) woke up from her nap and came running outside because her mom had told her that Uncle Nate was there. Myself being the role model that I am, I was kicking back and enjoying my 10th beer of the day. She comes ripping across the yard with arms wide open to give her Uncle Nate a huge hug, I scoop her up mid-sprint into my arms and the momentum forces both of her feet travelling at about 200 mph right into MY F*CKING BALLS!!!

I have never been in so much pain in my life, they are a hideous shade of purple and have an agonizing dull ache.

No wonder I don't have kids

You don't have kids because your seed factory just got balldozed.

sleepy jack · 07-03-2006, 11:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merkaba

You don't have kids because your seed factory just got BALLdozed.

Teehee

MURDER JUNKIE · 07-03-2006, 11:19 PM

I was astounded at the velocity and impact feet that small could dish out, I have NEVER been as sore as I am right now

Merkaba · 07-03-2006, 11:38 PM

Can you imagine it without 10 beers downed!

It'd be like a meteor strike.

MURDER JUNKIE · 07-04-2006, 11:12 PM

So here is another glimpse into my misery:

I was relaxing at my parent's trailer park (yes, I'm trailer trash) this weekend just kicking it happy to be out of the city, and I am downing copious amounts of brewski. My wife makes the fatal mistake of telling my over-bearing step mother about my fainting episode in Mexico, I don't know if I will ever forgive her. Within mere seconds she runs over to my aunt's trailer, so she can tell me all the intimate details of her heart problems that she has been having for the past couple of weeks. This conversation absorbs approximately 1 hour of my relaxing and drinking time.

Next my wife, my aunt, and my step mother take the dogs for a walk around the trailer park stopping at no less than 8 trailers to get other people (that I do not know) to diagnose my situation. When they return, they give me the rundown on all the trailer people's EXPERT diagnosis. This absorbs approximately 45 minutes of my relaxing and drinking time.

This process continued for the majority of the day and seriously hampered what otherwise could have been a pretty successful piss up. My step mother phoned me no less than 5 more times this weekend to share other trailer folk's EXPERT diagnosis with me. The BEST happened this morning just as I was getting ready to go to bed, my stepmother phoned again to tell me that she had made an appointment with MY family doctor on my behalf for this Thursday. I was F*CKING LIVID!!!!

So, just to appease her and to prevent any more phone calls I will be going to this appointment. All of you will be invited to the funeral, as I'm sure my step mother has made all arrangements this week.

All a brutha wants to do is drink some brewski and relax, leave a brutha alone!!!

_Spinning_ · 07-04-2006, 11:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MURDER JUNKIE

So here is another glimpse into my misery:

I was relaxing at my parent's trailer park (yes, I'm trailer trash) this weekend just kicking it happy to be out of the city, and I am downing copious amounts of brewski. My wife makes the fatal mistake of telling my over-bearing step mother about my fainting episode in Mexico, I don't know if I will ever forgive her. Within mere seconds she runs over to my aunt's trailer, so she can tell my all the intimate details of her heart problems that she has been having for the past couple of weeks. This conversation absorbs approximately 1 hour of my relaxing and drinking time.

Next my wife, my aunt, and my step mother take the dogs for a walk around the trailer park stoppping at no less than 8 trailers to get other people (that I do not know) to diagnose my situation. When they return, they give my the rundown on all the trailer people's EXPERT diagnosis. This absorbs approximately 45 minutes of my relaxing and drinking time.

This process continued for the majority of the day and seriously hampered what otherwise could have been a pretty successful piss up. My step mother phoned me no less than 5 more times this weekend to share other trailer folk's EXPERT diagnosis with me. The BEST happened this morning just as I was getting ready to go to bed, my stepmother phoned again to tell me that she had made an appointment with MY family doctor on my behalf for this Thursday. I was F*CKING LIVID!!!!

So, just to appease her and to prevent any more phone calls I will be going to this appointment. All of you will be invited to the funeral, as I'm sure my step mother has made all arrangements this week.

All a brutha wants to do is drink some brewski and relax, leave a brutha alone!!!

Damn man...

Overbearing Anyone?

TheBig3 · 07-05-2006, 12:25 AM

You really outta kick at least one person in the throat for this.

MURDER JUNKIE · 07-05-2006, 02:07 AM

no sh!t, I'm 32 years old for f*ck sakes!!!!!

Alo · 07-05-2006, 02:08 AM

Or just make up some fatal disease, let your wife phone them up to say you're dead. And that in your will, it said you wanted to be thrown off a cliff, without anyone else there.

MURDER JUNKIE · 07-05-2006, 02:12 AM

I want to be chased off a cliff Monty Python style

View Poll Results: Hey. Did you just grab my ass?
Yes...	30	34.48%
From where I'm standing that is a physical impossibility	26	29.89%
Sh...Should I?	31	35.63%
Voters: 87. You may not vote on this poll

07-03-2006, 11:38 PM	#1234 (permalink)
Merkaba Whitewater! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: New Zealand Posts: 2,885	Can you imagine it without 10 beers downed! It'd be like a meteor strike. __________________ She thinks I'm a reclusive genius, she's going to be very disappointed when she finds out i'm a reclusive wanker

07-05-2006, 12:25 AM	#1237 (permalink)
TheBig3 killedmyraindog Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Boston, Massachusetts Posts: 11,172	You really outta kick at least one person in the throat for this. __________________ I've moved to a new address

07-05-2006, 02:08 AM	#1239 (permalink)
Alo Scarf Join Date: May 2006 Location: Brighton, UK Posts: 715	Or just make up some fatal disease, let your wife phone them up to say you're dead. And that in your will, it said you wanted to be thrown off a cliff, without anyone else there. __________________ I rocked my shoelaces untied

07-03-2006, 11:19 PM	#1233 (permalink)
MURDER JUNKIE The Wetter The Better!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: SH1TTY London Ontario Canada Posts: 2,504	I was astounded at the velocity and impact feet that small could dish out, I have NEVER been as sore as I am right now

07-04-2006, 11:12 PM	#1235 (permalink)
MURDER JUNKIE The Wetter The Better!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: SH1TTY London Ontario Canada Posts: 2,504	So here is another glimpse into my misery: I was relaxing at my parent's trailer park (yes, I'm trailer trash) this weekend just kicking it happy to be out of the city, and I am downing copious amounts of brewski. My wife makes the fatal mistake of telling my over-bearing step mother about my fainting episode in Mexico, I don't know if I will ever forgive her. Within mere seconds she runs over to my aunt's trailer, so she can tell me all the intimate details of her heart problems that she has been having for the past couple of weeks. This conversation absorbs approximately 1 hour of my relaxing and drinking time. Next my wife, my aunt, and my step mother take the dogs for a walk around the trailer park stopping at no less than 8 trailers to get other people (that I do not know) to diagnose my situation. When they return, they give me the rundown on all the trailer people's EXPERT diagnosis. This absorbs approximately 45 minutes of my relaxing and drinking time. This process continued for the majority of the day and seriously hampered what otherwise could have been a pretty successful piss up. My step mother phoned me no less than 5 more times this weekend to share other trailer folk's EXPERT diagnosis with me. The BEST happened this morning just as I was getting ready to go to bed, my stepmother phoned again to tell me that she had made an appointment with MY family doctor on my behalf for this Thursday. I was F*CKING LIVID!!!! So, just to appease her and to prevent any more phone calls I will be going to this appointment. All of you will be invited to the funeral, as I'm sure my step mother has made all arrangements this week. All a brutha wants to do is drink some brewski and relax, leave a brutha alone!!!

07-05-2006, 02:07 AM	#1238 (permalink)
MURDER JUNKIE The Wetter The Better!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: SH1TTY London Ontario Canada Posts: 2,504	no sh!t, I'm 32 years old for f*ck sakes!!!!!

07-05-2006, 02:12 AM	#1240 (permalink)
MURDER JUNKIE The Wetter The Better!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: SH1TTY London Ontario Canada Posts: 2,504	I want to be chased off a cliff Monty Python style