To smoke is to be outcasted. Prevented (rightfully) from fuelling your addiction indoors and sent outside like a naughty dog, nobody tolerates a smoker. After the aforementioned smoking ban was introduced to the UK, the 'second hand smoke' argument SHOULD have faded into the distance. The tobacco free portion of our nation should have finally accepted those of us that enjoy relaxing with a cigarette. We were doing no harm, were we?

Well apparently, yes, we were. Along with the smoking ban, another law was introduced. A law that required all cigarette packets to be adorned with lovely pictures of tumours, blackened lungs, rotting teeth and a dead-eyed corpse lying in a morgue. To prevent me from harming others with my addiction is an entirely valid move by the government. But therein lies my point - this is MY addiction. If I want to smoke, and if cigarettes are available to legally purchase in shops, then there should be no reason behind those vulgar photographs that cover my otherwise beautiful B&H Gold carton. As a smoker I know the perils of such a habit. I know about the tumours, the blackened lungs, the rotting teeth. It's not a nice habit, but I enjoy it. This should be my decision, and I should not have to look at the picture of the dead-eyed corpse everytime I want to smoke, the same way that a McDonald's enthusiast should not have to be greeted by a picture of Michael Moore everytime they purchase a Big Mac.

Although smoking is easily the biggest attraction for the self-righteous health and safety types, alcohol also finds itself under attack sometimes. You may have caught a glimpse of the recent string of adverts involving children explaining the problems they will later have in life due to alcohol. One adorable little sweetheart claims that when she is older she will get drunk at a party and find herself pressurised into sex. The advert is aimed at parents, who are apparently so absent-minded and useless that an uncomfortably patronising advert on the telly will inspire them to see the error in their ways. You can imagine the armchair dialogue between mother and father.

"Jane, the telly's just said that in four years Billy is going to start drinking and taking drugs. Maybe we should start parenting him now?"

"Yes Gavin, we should start parenting our son now that the telly has told us to do so."

If you had forgotten to speak to your sons and daughters about the perils of drinking before viewing these adverts then you probably shouldn't have had children in the first place.