Advice thread

[TheCunningStunt]

Originally Posted by Vanilla

I still tell her to fuck off. She's not going to suddenly become mature and unclingy. If it was only a short period you were dating then does it matter? You can tell her you don't hate her but being friends I think would be a step too far.

She's going to see Linkin Park with her friend in a week as well.
Even more of a reason to fuck her off.
I think I'm still going to go for a drink and stuff, but judge her behaviour.
If she starts touching my in public I definitely won't see her again.
I think it's worth a drink, for old time's sake. Y'know?

I've not been interest in women for a long time (not that I've been interested in men!) but still, I told her this when we were having an in depth chat and she said she wasn't looking for a relationship - because they always seem to go up in flames - that said I think she's lying and she wants to get rogered like a walkie talkie.

[TheCunningStunt]

Originally Posted by ThePhanastasio

Yes, it's certainly best not to say it's a "date" at this point especially. That may also deter her from attempting to put her hands down your pants again, but one can never be sure of such things.

At least then, if you're making it clear, she knows that she's going to have to make a legitimate effort to change. Also, that you've distanced yourself from her previously - well, that probably at least got her thinking about what she's done wrong in the past.

And if she says she's "changed", that may not be the case, but that means she's at least thought about things, and might have an idea of what NOT to do at this point. At least she probably tried - which is better than a lot of people, for sure.

Your advice is good, though I remember one time we were in bed.
I text someone... she got up, stormed over to the other side of the room and rang her friend for 20 minutes and ignored my existence.

I think it's because I text another girl while I was with her, and she did it to teach me a lesson. I just called her a mentalist

So THAT's the type of girl I'm dealing with, I doubt she's totally got rid of them insecurities but if she's got rid of most of them then who knows? It's certainly worth a drink and a bite to eat, and I can judge her motives etc.

[James]

Originally Posted by ThePhanastasio

I have felt that way before, actually. The way I usually meet people is by becoming involved in a lot of things.

For example, I've met the last three people I've dated in the following ways:

1.) I was involved with directing and performing in a shadowcast of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" for a period of time, which involved interacting with a lot of other performers and audience members (I probably never would have met otherwise) on a weekly basis. This ultimately led to a relationship with a fellow cast member.

2.) I got a job, and often talked to my fellow employees out of necessity and to pass the time. Eventually, a group of us would get together, go out to eat / see a movie / etc. After a while, I left that job, but continued hanging out with that same group of people, ultimately dating one of my former coworkers.

3.) Doing community theatre, you meet new people with every single show you do. You see these people about five days a week most of the time, and build pretty tight relationships with these people. I dated someone in the cast of a show I did.

So basically, just become involved with a lot of things you're interested in! School is a way for some people to meet their significant others, but for a lot of people, particularly people more on the shy side, it's easier in a smaller group.

When the group of people is smaller and all have at least one common interest, that gives you at least one thing to talk about. Also, you generally are going to see those people in the setting of a smaller group, which gives you more opportunity to talk to them.

Like, do you write? Act? Understand / have an interest in working sound or lighting? Play an instrument? Draw or paint? Like reading books?

There are all sorts of organizations you can get involved with. Make sure it's something you like or have an interest in learning about, then go wild!

I'm doing the school play this year actually. I guess I could get involved with more things. I need to get healthier as well.

[duga]

You need to stop comparing yourself to Boo Boo for sure, though. That guy resigned himself to his situation a while ago. Self fulfilling prophecies are real. They happen all the time. Try to have a positive attitude in everything you do. Trying to do that for myself is one of the best things I ever did.

[Dayvan Cowboy]

Originally Posted by James

As you can tell from my severly angsty teenage posts everywhere, I "think" i have a lot of problems(most aren't really problems though, by adult standards).
I feel incredibly lonely, I'm in that whole "I'm gonna die alone" mood all the time and I honestly don't see me ever meeting anyone
I've never really dated anyone and although I have a few gal pals a lot of the girls at school really hate me. How did you all meet people? Have any of you felt this way? Am I gonna end up like Boo Boo?
I thought i'd post this as my other two dramas you've heard enough about I guess.

I also feel this way. I'm stuck with people who look like miniature models, and I feel like I'm a little left out.

I think my height might be a problem. I'm only 4'9" with size three feet and all of the attractive girls are 5'6", which is a little discouraging, how genetics says I'm only going to be 5'2" when I'm an adult.

[duga]

You guys are so entertaining. Dayvan, seriously don't worry about your height. You are a girl. Girls don't need to worry about being short. In fact, I love short girls. Shorties are so damn cute.

[Freebase Dali]

I have a scenario that I want to bounce off you guys for input. I'm not at a total loss for what to do, but I think challenging my judgment is a good exercise from time to time, and I can't think of a better group of people to help me do that.

Ok, so I've been talking (via Facebook) to this girl that my sister set me up with (I know, I know... but my sister is a good person with good judgment) and although we haven't even officially met, it's getting to the point where I need to ask her out somewhere to meet and talk face to face or else the momentum will fade.
She's the same age as I am (29) and really sweet, intelligent, pretty, etc.
Thing is, I know if I we start dating and we enjoy each other's actual company and personalities, etc, it's very likely to become a serious thing... and I don't know how I really feel about that. In one hand, she seems to be the kind of girl I shouldn't pass up. I don't normally come across a plethora of women who aren't total party slut cock gobblers... or women my age that aren't hitched and with a family.
And in the other hand, I'm not sure if I want a relationship right now. I haven't been in a real relationship in a good while, and I do love the freedom... and I like being able to focus strictly on school and developing my career, but somehow I think I'm just avoiding having to work at a relationship, even though I'm happier when I'm in one.

So there's this conflict of what I want, even though I know I should just go for it and see what happens. I just don't know if I'm resisting for the right reasons, or just deluding myself into creating a logical argument against the possibility of a serious relationship based on some kind of irrational fear.

Anyone have any perspectives?
(preferably those based on a little experience, but I'm not too picky.)

[TheCunningStunt]

So, you've met a sweet intelligent hottie who's your age - when most of the people your age are either married/settled down or getting rogered more times than a walkie talkie. And you're apprehensive about going out and having a little fun with her just in case it gets more serious? Going out a few times, keeping it casual, having a bit of fun doesn't mean it needs to be serious. Can't you dictate the pace of it? Take control etc.

Summary: You'd be mad to pass up a hot sweet intelligent girl because of what "might happen".

Hope this helps. But it probably won't.

[Freebase Dali]

Originally Posted by TheCunningStunt

So, you've met a sweet intelligent hottie who's your age - when most of the people your age are either married/settled down or getting rogered more times than a walkie talkie. And you're apprehensive about going out and having a little fun with her just in case it gets more serious? Going out a few times, keeping it casual, having a bit of fun doesn't mean it needs to be serious. Can't you dictate the pace of it? Take control etc.

Summary: You'd be mad to pass up a hot sweet intelligent girl because of what "might happen".

Hope this helps. But it probably won't.

It's not a "might". I already know she's on board. And I already know that I'll cave anyway. I was just wondering why I'm resisting it.
We're both 29... There's more than a fair chance that we're not just out to meet new people and have fun. I don't really expect you to fully understand that though.

[TheCunningStunt]

You know she's on board? You've been talking about the possibilities of a serious relationship before you've met in person?
I think it's the things you don't do that you regret, what's the worst that could come of it?
If you don't you may look back and see her reasonably settled down, if that's what she's looking for at the moment - and you might think damn, I should have took the chance.

I don't fully understand two people who have never met discussing a 'serious' relationship, no. I just assumed you were chatting on Facebook and flirting a little bit, getting ready to meet up and go out for the first time. I didn't realise two people who have never met could have a talk about a possible future serious relationship. I guess you must be weirdly close to get to that stage?

And I have no idea why you're resisting it, if you're happier when you're in a relationship. Focusing on a career while working at a relationship sounds great. Doesn't it?