Advice thread

[Freebase Dali]

Originally Posted by TheCunningStunt

You know she's on board? You've been talking about the possibilities of a serious relationship before you've met in person?
I think it's the things you don't do that you regret, what's the worst that could come of it?
If you don't you may look back and see her reasonably settled down, if that's what she's looking for at the moment - and you might think damn, I should have took the chance.

I don't fully understand two people who have never met discussing a 'serious' relationship, no. I just assumed you were chatting on Facebook and flirting a little bit, getting ready to meet up and go out for the first time. I didn't realise two people who have never met could have a talk about a possible future serious relationship. I guess you must be weirdly close to get to that stage?

And I have no idea why you're resisting it, if you're happier when you're in a relationship. Focusing on a career while working at a relationship sounds great. Doesn't it?

Dude, you don't have to actually talk about being in a serious relationship (loosely translated to something more than weekend fuck-buddies) to have a pretty good idea of what the person is looking for.

I probably should have mentioned that she's been a friend of my sister for years, and my sister used to talk about me all the time when I was in the Army, so she's [the friend] got more of a background on me than I do on her, and she made it pretty clear that she wants to act on that info. And based on the discussions we've had (regardless of them being on Facebook) it's obvious that she's the kind of girl who goes for the relationship. Assuming I don't show up as some complete jackass and completely ruin the idea, and knowing myself enough to know that if I dig a girl beyond a sexual attraction that it usually ends up serious. The only variable is her, and based on what I've both heard from my sister, and from her, it's not hard to figure out the odds. Yes, I'm assuming... but it's an educated guess.

But all that is irrelevant. Most of your response isn't even focused on the question. I wanted insight on what's holding me back from the possibility of being in a serious relationship right now. Thanks for your input...

[TheCunningStunt]

Well, I don't know - you said you're happier when you're in a relationship.
I say go for it and make yourself happy.
I can't think of a single reason why you're apprehensive about giving it a go if I'm honest.
It wouldn't be a "serious relationship" to start with would it? No harm in going out a few times, trying to build something and entering into something. If it got too serious for your liking, and you feel it's not something you need right now - you could always end it and remain friends. This girl seems to tick all the right boxes, and you're a guy that likes being in a relationship.

[downwardspiral]

sorry to be a cunt and dive right in the middle of your conversation, but i'm in a bit of a pickle here although my mind is leaning towards one end of the decision, i just need someone's two-penneth.

basically; i went to leeds festival a few years ago with my friends and loads of stuff kicked off involving malicious lies and we stopped speaking, well, on the most part we drifted apart a lot but then gradually it resulted in us not speaking all together. so basically i have no friends where i am apart from this one girl who i'm kind of friends with but kind of not at the same time. i met a bunch of people online who i would consider my only friends now and i see them quite often, however not as often as i'd like as they all live two hours+ away from me. they're all absolutely amazing people and some of the best i've ever met, amongst who is a girl i'm really into but won't commit to anything with due to distance. it came up in conversation the other day about a few of them moving in together and how it would be great for me to also move to sheffield and live with them.

i know i definitely need a change in my life and i think this could be it. but i don't know, it's a pretty monumental leap for me to take, so i just don't know what to do. the first obstacle is finding a job there and getting the time out of my current job to travel over for interviews etc.. i know it would be pretty stupid on the most part for me not to go ahead and take the risk, but i'm just torn because i do love liverpool a hell of a lot but it brings me down just as much.

thoughts?

[TheCunningStunt]

Do it, Liverpool is a shit hole.

[downwardspiral]

You're a Manc! Surely the scummiest place in the Universe, surely?!

You've been here once and went to the docks, go away! Liverpool is absolutely amazing but I'm just needing some new surroundings for sure. Arghhh. Torn.

[TheCunningStunt]

In all seriousness, Manchester is fucking wonderful. The centre of the universe.

But why are you torn? It sounds like there's not much there for you in Liverpool.
Sure, your family.
But you can always visit.
Job search in Sheffield, if you're lucky enough to land one - give me one good reason why you shouldn't go?
Considering it's similar/better pay than what you're already on in Liverpool... then you'd be mad not to. It might all be moot if you can't find a job, then the decision is made for you - you're staying in Liverpool.

You say you met them over the interwebz (where the finest people in the world are, internet weirdos > IRL people.) but how long have you known them? If it's a substantial amount of time and you aren't rushing into something with people you don't know too well then it sounds great.

Summary: Look for a job, if you find one - go. If you don't, stay.

[Freebase Dali]

Originally Posted by TheCunningStunt

Well, I don't know - you said you're happier when you're in a relationship.
I say go for it and make yourself happy.
I can't think of a single reason why you're apprehensive about giving it a go if I'm honest.
It wouldn't be a "serious relationship" to start with would it? No harm in going out a few times, trying to build something and entering into something. If it got too serious for your liking, and you feel it's not something you need right now - you could always end it and remain friends. This girl seems to tick all the right boxes, and you're a guy that likes being in a relationship.

Well that's the thing... I know there's no pressure, and there are outs, and that I would like to be in a relationship with someone who isn't either a slut, nor a slut who cheats on you with a fry cook while you're in Iraq, nor a Dirty Gertrude McHelga. So in this scenario, it's very likely to be a win.

So why am I finding the idea both compelling and repulsive, for lack of a better word? I know I'm not afraid of commitment, as I was engaged to a woman who, afterward, cheated on me with a fry cook while I was in Iraq... So could it be that? Or have I just grown too fond of being free to do what I want, even though it's neither emotionally nor physically healthy in any way when it comes down to how I spend my free time?
Or am I just thinking?
I gotta say, I never thought my way into a relationship before. They all just kinda happened before I knew they were happening, over the course of being intoxicated. Maybe that's my problem. Being sober... (as an alcoholic, this is awesome news)

[downwardspiral]

The only good thing about Manchester is the city centre, everywhere else is a complete atrocity sorry but it is! As soon as I step outside of town I can feel my soul being sucked out of my body!

I'm torn cos I'm stepping off familiar turf innit, not sure what the plunge is gonna have in store for me but then I'll never know unless I try. And nah I've known them for coming up to two years, I've been to festivals and stuff with them and there's one or two people I've met I'd actually trust with my life, they're definitely the best friends I've ever had. I wouldn't be going if I'd never met them like, I just see it as them being friends that I also happen to speak to online as well. I'm gonna search for a job, got til next July.

[TheCunningStunt]

It's not Fry Cook, it's ROD.
ROD is the guy "rodding" your missus, so to speak.
I think it could come down to past experiences, I'd imagine being cheated on while you're in Iraq would be quite a horrible thing - right now, maybe your life is all fine and well and you're happy. Though you know you could be happier, because you're a guy that likes being in a relationship but past experiences are holding you back?
Maybe you're overthinking things because of the past, and you should let the chips fall where they may. Maybe this hottie who seemingly ticks all the right boxes, actually won't. Or maybe she'll be the best thing that ever happened to you. You can't just walk into a serious relationship, so why not go out a few times and let things happen. Go with the flow. Don't let past experiences leave you with future regret.

Originally Posted by downwardspiral

The only good thing about Manchester is the city centre, everywhere else is a complete atrocity sorry but it is! As soon as I step outside of town I can feel my soul being sucked out of my body!

I'm torn cos I'm stepping off familiar turf innit, not sure what the plunge is gonna have in store for me but then I'll never know unless I try. And nah I've known them for coming up to two years, I've been to festivals and stuff with them and there's one or two people I've met I'd actually trust with my life, they're definitely the best friends I've ever had. I wouldn't be going if I'd never met them like, I just see it as them being friends that I also happen to speak to online as well. I'm gonna search for a job, got til next July.

STFU.
Manchester is a haven.

If you take the plunge and it falls to bits, I'm sure you can always move back with your folks.
They're getting a house by next July? 8ish months to find a job.
Go for it. I have a couple of friends in Sheffield, they seem to be very happy.
Cunts.
Everyone I know has fucked off to Uni and I never see them anymore.

[downwardspiral]

I don't know if I'm bothered or what still about my friends all ****ing off and not speaking to me over some ridiculous lies. I'm not sure. I spoke to one of my friends the other day for the first time in two years on Facebook, it was odd.

Why did you not go to Uni Michael?