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01-11-2018, 03:14 PM | #1 (permalink) |
SOPHIE FOREVER
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: East of the Southern North American West
Posts: 35,548
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I've decided that my 9/11 stoner comedy is better geared for a screenplay than a short story.
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Studies show that when a given norm is changed in the face of the unchanging, the remaining contradictions will parallel the truth. |
01-11-2018, 03:16 PM | #2 (permalink) |
Ask me how!
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: The States
Posts: 5,357
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Better be called Never Forget 4/20.
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---------------------- |---Mic's Albums---| ---------------------- ----------------------------- |---Deafbox Industries---| ----------------------------- |
01-11-2018, 03:20 PM | #3 (permalink) | |||
Born to be mild
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: 404 Not Found
Posts: 26,971
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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018 |
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01-11-2018, 03:24 PM | #4 (permalink) |
Ask me how!
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: The States
Posts: 5,357
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Orpheus is the second best guy with O, R, P, H, and E in his name...
The first is Maplethorpe.
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---------------------- |---Mic's Albums---| ---------------------- ----------------------------- |---Deafbox Industries---| ----------------------------- |
01-12-2018, 04:49 AM | #8 (permalink) |
Call me Mustard
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Pepperland
Posts: 2,642
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I read part two, Troll. I like how you reversed the humans and roaches as to who were the dominant species. It was like you were replacing the roaches with today's humans and the humans with the animals humans hunt and exploit. I don't have a lot of nitpicks on this chapter.
Tennyson turned, his face a mass of conflicting emotions, and stopped. He remained that way, suspended in time, escape (escaping, escaped?) On the same paragraph, maybe you need to ease into the roach characters a little better. When I got to that part, I was thinking, 'now where did they come from?' Other than that though I really couldn't find anything that seemed off. I'll read part three over the weekend probably and tell you what I think of that. Good story so far. |
01-12-2018, 07:12 AM | #9 (permalink) | ||||
Born to be mild
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: 404 Not Found
Posts: 26,971
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Quote:
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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018 |
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01-12-2018, 07:18 AM | #10 (permalink) |
Call me Mustard
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Pepperland
Posts: 2,642
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At first, I either thought you were writing about either another planet or some sort of Greek tragedy (going back to the Gods being mentioned). I think it was obvious you were talking about Earth when Professor Jinanga mentioned the humans once being in control of the planet. I guess you could twist it to appear that it was another human-like planet (I haven't read III and IV yet so for all I know, you did).
Anyhow, yeah, it will be interesting to see where this ends up. |
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