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Old 03-22-2010, 04:23 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Beats the price of hookers, eh boys?

This is the book that scared me out of masturbating.


Purity book. Read it when I was 13. Filled with horror stories.
Girl flicks the bean during her college years and gets married to honorable beau. Beau sucks at fucking. Girl suffers, guy gets mad, marriage becomes unhappy, I have prevailing issues.

Seriously, here's a passage.

The one I was talking about is on page 48:

Quote:
I was disappointed in our sex life when I got married. I expected that my husband would have the same magic touch that I had with myself, but he is rougher and more aggressive than I am used to. I've tried to teach him what I like, but one night after I tried to coach him, he responded, "Why don't you do it yourself if you don't like the way I do it?" On the one hand, I was relieved that I could finally do what felt good to me, but on the other hand, I know it must blow his ego that I'm not as aroused by his touch as I am by my own.
Most husbands find pleasure and satisfaction in bringing their wives to orgasm. If you regularly find sexual release through masterbation, you may rob your futur husband of this pleasure by feeling the need to "help him".
Last edited by TumorAttitude; 03-22-2010 at 04:33 PM.
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Old 03-22-2010, 05:06 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by TumorAttitude View Post
Beats the price of hookers, eh boys?

This is the book that scared me out of masturbating.


Purity book. Read it when I was 13. Filled with horror stories.
Girl flicks the bean during her college years and gets married to honorable beau. Beau sucks at fucking. Girl suffers, guy gets mad, marriage becomes unhappy, I have prevailing issues.

Seriously, here's a passage.

The one I was talking about is on page 48:
ARRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! That book and the passages you shared make me feel, once again, so glad that I am a happily masturbating atheist, relieved of such warped, patriarchal authority and puritanical fears of pleasure!

I'm sad to hear new generations of girls are being encouraged to feel shame about their bodies and masturbation, which is a healthy way to enjoy and learn about your own body.

I read the excerpt, Tumor, and below is a quote, which sounds to me almost like kinky information on how to lust for God's hand to be the one to be touching a girl, fillfilling her desires according to HIS plan, allowing HIM to prove HIMSELF. I wonder if boys are being given similar religious advice to put their penis in God's hands?

Quote:
from "Every Young Woman's Battle": Place your sexual desires back into God's hands rather than taking matters into your own. God gave you those desires in the first place, and He longs to help you control them until they can be fulfilled according to His plan. Once you allow Him to prove Himself in this area, you will understand that self-gratification isn't true satisfaction at all. If you want your body, heart, mind and spirit to remain pure, strive for God-gratification instead of self-gratification.
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Originally Posted by Neapolitan:
If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"
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Old 03-22-2010, 05:24 PM   #3 (permalink)
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...happily masturbating atheist...
^Somebody needs to make tee shirts with this phrase on them.
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Old 03-22-2010, 05:47 PM   #4 (permalink)
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...happily masturbating atheist...
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Originally Posted by Janszoon View Post
^Somebody needs to make tee shirts with this phrase on them.
Well, Janszoon, we *do* already have THIS:

Happy Atheist Jr. Ringer T-Shirt > Happy Atheist Stuff > The Affable Atheist's Store

And a matching "Happy Atheist" thong bikini underwear, if you're interested!

http://www.cafepress.com/affable_atheist.174999045

Says the Happy Atheist website, about said thong: "Many people think you have to believe in some god myth to be happy. Prove them wrong."
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Originally Posted by Neapolitan:
If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"
Last edited by VEGANGELICA; 03-22-2010 at 05:53 PM.
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Old 03-22-2010, 05:54 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by VEGANGELICA View Post
Well, Janszoon, we *do* already have THIS:

Happy Atheist Jr. Ringer T-Shirt > Happy Atheist Stuff > The Affable Atheist's Store

And a matching "Happy Atheist" thong, if you're interested!

Happy Atheist Classic Thong > Happy Atheist Stuff > The Affable Atheist's Store

Says the Happy Atheist website, about said thong: "Many people think you have to believe in some god myth to be happy. Prove them wrong - and be happy to be free of make-believe sky-tyrants."
Without the word "masturbating" in there it lacks a certain je ne sais quoi.
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Old 03-22-2010, 06:00 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Without the word "masturbating" in there it lacks a certain je ne sais quoi.
Oh, I don't know. Whenever I see "happy atheist" I just kind of add "masturbating" at the end of it in my mind.

Just like when you read a fortune cookie and automatically add "in bed" at the end of the saying. It makes good fortunes all that much better!
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Originally Posted by Neapolitan:
If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"
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Old 03-22-2010, 08:53 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Seriously, here's a passage.
This is hilarious. I don't know about you guys, but I'd rather control my sex life "in passionate lust like the hethen" rather than "in a way that is holy and honorable."
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I could be cute if I wanted to be, I just choose not to because you wouldn't be able to handle yourself.
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