Originally Posted by Mondo Bungle
(Post 1773086)
I dunno why I torture myself when it comes to communicating with my friends. They have their lives and if I'm not close enough then I should let that be. I bet people find me insufferable when I try so hard to get any acknowledgment. It's not gonna happen and since I dunno why, it's just another stab to my self esteem, every time. The fact that I receive none at all really brings me down, no matter what I say, it's a guarantee. Then I start to feel like I don't even get the satisfaction of someone telling me they don't want to talk to me. Passed over completely, with anything I say or ask. Like "sup bro we haven't talked in months, how's it going", nothing. "generic question", nothing. "Hey I've been thinking about jumping off a tall building, yay or nay?", nothing.
And surely it is so simple, and so trivial and lame. Just the fact that I can't get anything at all leads me to conclude all these negative things. I'll just never learn my lesson. I try too hard and it brings me lower and lower all the time. I really need to find a way to stay occupied asap, and give it a rest.
to be totally honest, for a long time, like since starting elementary school, I lived with this feeling that I'm not cut out for companionship. Friends would come and go but at the end of the day I would always feel like that's not for me.
disclaimer: Every single thing I just said here is completely irrational
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