The Confessional Thread

[RoxyRollah]

Originally Posted by Hermione

I'm only just recently cutting off the rotting flesh from a relationship that ended 3 yrs ago

it sux but it has to be done, otherwise it'll **** up any relationship I have

Rotting flesh, oooh tell me more.... grab your tissues and bon bons my phone lines are open....

[Sansa Stark]

Originally Posted by RoxyRollah

Rotting flesh, oooh tell me more.... grab your tissues and bon bons my phone lines are open....

My exfiancee is a psychotic abuser, I didn't realise it till a few months ago. Any relationship after him, felt like I was trying to get a man who could fill his shoes. Every time I'd start to feel like there was a hole in my relationships, I'd bring up the memory of him and think I was still in love with him. Until I started to realise that I ended up doing a **** ton of opiates to pretend I was still in love with him towards the end of our relationship. It still coloured every relationship I've had since, especially since he told me that if he wanted me he'd one day have me no matter what. This terrified me so I've been hyper paranoid about men in general, and especially on here (he stalked me to here...) but for some reason I wanted to keep him in my life, I think part of me still blamed myself for things that happened and that's total ****ing bollocks. After the bender I had about a month ago, I realised that I needed to tell him that he ****ed me up and I know he's the abusive loser who has nothing to give but self loathing, because otherwise my progress would be hindered by my fear that he would come back (all my exes do eventually try to get back into my life, no exceptions..). So I messaged him on fb and told him that and many other things and told him basically I'd gut him if he came anywhere near me, then I deleted him from my friends and blocked him. He's terrifying to me, I was having legitimate panic attacks over thinking that he'd come back and find me, because he told me that I basically had no choice in anything if I married him, I wouldn't be allowed out of the house w/o escort, I wasn't allowed to have a job, he'd have total control over our children and basically he demanded that we only have boys because I'd "pass on my mental illness". He also loved to denigrate my talents, especially writing because he always wanted to be a writer (but he's TERRIBLE) and he used to enjoy telling me that I "wasn't really a writer, I just shit pretty words" (which cracks me the **** up) and whenever I'd talk about my own ambitions, he liked to cut me down and say I didn't have the discipline. He eventually tried to get me to hate myself just like he does and I broke and just couldn't do it anymore. I was too afraid of him though to really break it off so I just pushed him into it

But I've still had my doubts on who was wrong in the relationship, it's taken me a while to realise it wasn't me. I think the last guy I dated was basically me trying to do my penance for the things I did to Brendan, but I held my ex to the standard of being Brendan (who I thought was perfect) and I hated him eventually. Now, I have to heal up the old wounds Brendan left because if I don't, I'll never be able to have another relationship and especially never a healthy one because I'll be too scared that the other person just wants to control me or thinks my goodness will rub off on them....basically he thought I had no existence outside of his own context.

Ugh. It's going to be rough, but it's pain that needs to be dealt with.

[RoxyRollah]

Oh my darling I can empathize with you more then you know

[Sansa Stark]

<3333

I think I'll make it through though

[ladyislingering]

Originally Posted by Hermione

I'm only just recently cutting off the rotting flesh from a relationship that ended 3 yrs ago

it sux but it has to be done, otherwise it'll **** up any relationship I have

I can definitely sympathize with you there.

I'm slowly healing from wounds that have been acquired from terrible relationships, even from 5 years ago. People can really fuck you up, and they don't even care.

I have learned that what others have done to me/put me through does not define me, and though some things still burn me up a little, I'm healing. Slowly but surely, I'll be alright.

[CrazyVegn]

Things males have do e to me have corrupted me or as i prefer to say, "built character" :p

[ladyislingering]

Just remember, everyone who has ever hurt you will die eventually. Hopefully before you, so you can laugh at them.

[Sansa Stark]

Originally Posted by ladyislingering

I can definitely sympathize with you there.

I'm slowly healing from wounds that have been acquired from terrible relationships, even from 5 years ago. People can really fuck you up, and they don't even care.

I have learned that what others have done to me/put me through does not define me, and though some things still burn me up a little, I'm healing. Slowly but surely, I'll be alright.

They really can, and it really is the worst when they make you believe that you were the one responsible for their bull****. I'm surprised I made it out of that relationship alive. I sometimes struggle with the idea that what I did during the relationship doesn't define me, nor does his warped ideas of who I am as a person mean anything besides the fact he projected his own insecurities onto me.

Originally Posted by ladyislingering

Just remember, everyone who has ever hurt you will die eventually. Hopefully before you, so you can laugh at them.

LOL yes, but even better he married the ratchet faced bitch he rebounded with and got ugly and gross looking. He used to be hot as ****, a better looking Cillian Murphy.

He's truly awful, I'm glad I finally deleted him off my friends list because he used to stalk my relationship status and whenever I had a break up he'd start talking to me again, but the last time I shut him down and saw him for the pathetic piece of trash he is. Still is rough to deal with, I loved him and thought we were soulmates but clearly that's bull****.

[ladyislingering]

Originally Posted by Hermione

They really can, and it really is the worst when they make you believe that you were the one responsible for their bull****. I'm surprised I made it out of that relationship alive. I sometimes struggle with the idea that what I did during the relationship doesn't define me, nor does his warped ideas of who I am as a person mean anything besides the fact he projected his own insecurities onto me.

I can definitely relate. I still have nightmares from my last relationship. He was a real piece of work; he was the type that could talk his way into anything, then when you finally discover he's a psycho, he feels he has no choice but to destroy you. Good riddance; I probably would have been forced to smother him with a pillow eventually. He was too damn fat to fight back anyway.

LOL yes, but even better he married the ratchet faced bitch he rebounded with and got ugly and gross looking. He used to be hot as ****, a better looking Cillian Murphy.

HAHAHAH now he's stuck with an ugly bitch! Serves him right! I guess he had to lower his standards after he realized you were too good for him. No wonder he tried to make you feel like trash. They all do that once they find out they're worthless.

He's truly awful, I'm glad I finally deleted him off my friends list because he used to stalk my relationship status and whenever I had a break up he'd start talking to me again, but the last time I shut him down and saw him for the pathetic piece of trash he is. Still is rough to deal with, I loved him and thought we were soulmates but clearly that's bull****.

He sounds like a toxic *******. Good men are hard to find these days. Screw him; you don't need him. He can masturbate all by himself once his ugly wife stops putting out. That's all he seems to be interested in anyway.

[Stephen]

Originally Posted by ladyislingering

Just remember, everyone who has ever hurt you will die eventually. Hopefully before you, so you can laugh at them.

Ideally way before then they can be relegated to the insignificance they deserve. I know it trivialises things to say 'just forget them' but arseholes are arseholes and if you still feel the need to laugh at them once they're dead then they are still existing as an internalised arsehole in your brain.