Quote:
Originally Posted by FETCHER.
(Post 1584767)
I'm coming here to ask this because I'm not sure where else to go with it or who else I can ask the advice of.
My boyfriend has been messaging a few of his exes (which I don't mind too much) throughout the 2 years of our relationship, it's never regular contact but he left his Facebook on his PC last night and I read through his messages (which I know I definitely should NOT have done, I feel guilty for this) but he messaged his ex at 3am telling her she looked really well and she replied saying he looked swav too and then they were started the conversation, they were flirtatious or anything but they were definitely more friendly than in comfortable with. Considering if I get dressed up for a night out or dinner with him he doesn't tell me I look nice/beautiful anything this has annoyed me a considerable amount.
I don't know what I should do because I don't want to break my trust with him because I read his messages and end up falling out due to my own stupidity but I also want to make it clear that I'm not comfortable with them having a converaation other than a brief catch up.
I really don't know what to do and I'm at a loss here.
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K, I've been thinking about your situation and advice I might give.
Summarizing the problem, it sounds like you are worried that your BF finds his ex-girlfriends more interesting or pretty than you since he has made efforts to contact them and doesn't contact you as often as you'd like when you are out alone, plus he doesn't compliment you when you dress up.
Your concern is understandable. On the other side of the issue, it *is* nice that he is on friendly terms with his ex-girlfriends, because it is great if a friendship survives a romantic breakup. But if he is rekindling romantic feelings for them, then of course you'd want to know and want that to stop.
If it is true that he really *isn't* that into you, then I feel it is better to find out sooner rather than later.
I recommend you talk with your BF about your worry that he may not find you as attractive or interesting as his ex-girlfriends, and rather than be accusatory or angry with him, simply describe your insecurities and fears.
Hopefully, he will respond by being understanding rather than defensive, and maybe he'll make more of an effort to contact you to hang out and compliment you because he genuinely feels you are attractive.
I feel it is best to be honest with him about your reading his Facebook messages, because I feel the best relationships are founded on honesty rather than being constructed on strategies ("If I hide this, then he'll do that, then I'll do this, etc.").
Telling the truth can be scary, because there is the very real risk that he might be upset that you read his Facebook messages since he happened to leave it open on the computer. (I'd be tempted, too.)
On the other hand, your boyfriend may really appreciate your honesty and realize that your curiosity was born out of concern because you don't want to lose him.
Summarizing, the best relationships are ones in which you both feel like you are being yourselves with each other and you feel happy that way, so it is best to show him who you really are: you feel worried, hurt, and possessive and are hoping he can offer you assurance and change some of his behaviors such that you feel more valued by him.
