DWV doesn't understand cause he's the kinda guy to turn himself into the police for smelling weed in someone else's car.

DWV is clearly full of shit. Get it? Get it? Eh?

tfw you were supposed to wake up at 5 am to study all day but you did nothing

Thats a great feeling.

TFW you spend your last ten minutes at work waiting for an opportunity to clock out unnoticed before your boss tells you to wash the dishes and then you're out the door like a thief in the night.

What dishes? u dip **** in oil and microwave "meat" for people.

TFW you pull in $2700 in the second week of April.

We microwave almost nothing and restaurants of any sort tend to have dishes, genius.

From faking marrying people or fake educating people? I'm actually not hating I need to get in on that racket.

Both.

On track to pull in $35,000 this year on fake weddings.

I've got a lot more mouths to feed, son. (Though two fewer now.)

What did you do?

Two have gone off on their own independent lives.

Is that what the police are calling it now?

BK is a restaurant now? Lol. Is that what you tell yourself to keep going back?

classists smh

Restaurantist* get it right!

The bestaurant.

you are about to make a decision but you jerk yourself off handily and are able to make the proper decision due to your short lasting clear mind.

TFW your friend asks you what vinyl records he should buy for you, you give him an extensive list and tell him to choose something, but then he gets you "Catholic Hymns" (not on the list). ffs

Tell him to **** off. He can get that in the CD bargain bin at any record store.

I'm seriously annoyed right now. He said he also picked up Beethoven's 5th and some Bach piece for me. I mean, that's cool and all, but they weren't on the fucking list!

You know full well that bitch can't tell the difference between that **** on CD and on vinyl without the crackle hiss. Tell him to **** off.

Dude wants to connect with me after 20 years of silence, knows I like music, and is trying to butter me up, maybe? Anyway, he obviously didn't want to go through the trouble of finding anything on that list, so when he randomly went to Walmart, he picked up that other shit.

That is pretty cool!

^Sounds like a k(cr)eeper!

It's not the gift, it's the thought behind the gift, and in this case that thought might include some form of Kool Aid mixture.

Tfw you wake up feeling 99.9% not sick after what seemed like forever of not being not sick.

https://i.imgur.com/am0WqVN.jpg

We all take for granted just feeling 'ok'.

tfw you had a 4 day weekend but you blinked and now you work in less than 24 hours

Nah. It's the gift, especially when you specifically ask what someone wants and then ignore the list.

Nah, expectations are for people who drink the Kool Aid.

TFW you're on page 666.

http://assets.blabbermouth.net/media...10hand_638.jpg

Tfw you see a FB post about an actual wooden post, and look, there's comments. Lots of comments. Comments like "It's about time...", and "Finally... blah blah this blah that", and you think maybe someone somewhere hit a reset button.

I wanted Sharkleberry Fin!!

You don't have to mention it.

TFW you have a cough, or a burp, or a hiccup, or a SOMETHING that "jiggers" your throat and at the very first instant you realize that a small amount of stomach acid is about to be flung up your esophagus and leave your throat burning for the next five minutes unless you can immediately stop the cough/burp/hiccup/SOMETHING... you almost stop it... but it just makes the inevitable more tragic and tasting of whatever the **** stomach acid tastes like.

Bile, isn’t it?

I thought bile was somehow different.

It’s sour

It’s like when you dry heave so hard they get wet again

Then yeah bile.

TFW you wish you had a shitty car to deliberately run into the stupid motherfucker who thinks he's entitled to cutting you off because he's first in line and making a left at the light.

If he’s already first in line how can he cut you off?