Would have missed it! Am I lyin?

TFW you're laying in bed, freezing your balls off cause you're too lazy to get any more blankets... and then you remember that there's an electric blanket hanging up in your closet. And you almost weep.

Also, TFW you're pretty sure your electric blanket is giving you allergies, but you don't care, because your butt cheeks are now sweating, and it feels gooooood.

Only Colonels and pansies use electric blankets.

Colonels?

T.F.W. your indie musical muscles are flexing....

Those that like their luxuries in the army, while the soldiers have to put up with hardships like shivering with the cold.

You're British. Isn't nepotism and aristocratic self-absorption your national pastime?

You're American, isn't capitalism and patriotic self-absorption your national pastime?

Capitalism? Yes. Self-absorption? An art form. Patriotism? Don't be fooled by the NASCAR crowd; most people don't care anymore.

I'm not necessarily patriotic, but I find the whole deer-shootin flag-waving passionate red blooded American thing incredibly charming. I once met a Canadian like this and found it equally charming.

Than why do people get mad when I tell them this country is a piece of ****? Or hate all the "immigrants coming over ruining the country".

Poorly worded statement is poorly worded.

@Chula - I don't get it, and that song is not ironic at all.

Good way to avoid answering the question. I'm not writing a book, the statement is understandable. I will use capital letters and the wrong punctuation however I want to. :bonkhead:

It's ironic that all of the Wonder Bread White trash in this country who bitch and moan about "those immigrants", are themselves f*cking descendants of immigrants.

The song was posted just because of its title.

You and me are totally on the same page.

Ooh! You rock Chula! :D

And for the record, my grandfather on my mother's side was 1/2 native American.

http://aianattackthesystem.files.wor...since-1492.jpg

^haha, nice.


TFW when you get texts from people not in your phonebook harassing you to come to your 10 year HS reunion.

I said No. Kindly f*ck off.

You've had two bottles of wine and realize they're fortified 25% ABV and you're drunker than you thought you were

Welcome to my world.

bruuuuuuhhhhhs.

https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/6402318592/h6AC53895/

tfw you're anxious to get out of th house but the judgey roommate is hogging the kitchen and the last time you went out drinkin you made a dmaned fool of yourself on the kitchen ffloor so u dunno if he's gonna give another one of his pointless ass lectures that he really should give up on but you just don't wanna deal with that **** right now so youre hangin in your room wishing you had some weed or pills while he hopefully hurrty the ****s up and ****s on off and outta the damned way.

>trying to seduce fine member of opposite sex
>he's timid but I don't want him to be
>he's not getting the hint
>try harder
>tease him a little
>nights pass with the same old song and dance
>still no dice
>gotta break out the big guns
>show him how it's done
>still doesn't get it
>goddamnit.gif
>gotta write a song about it
>tfw it's a pity
>tfw he's so pretty
>tfw he's so fine
>he's so fine he blows my mind



note: this is only a joke

You pass out for 10 minutes, wake up to puke, come back to your room and realize there's graffiti all over your room's walls that you don't recognize. Tomorrow's going to be... it's gonna be something, that's for damned sure. But right now all I can do is marvel and wonder how the **** this even happened. I have two tags here. The rest is sloppy throw-ups (no, not vomit, get learnt ya ****in toy) and decent tags here and there. I'd take a picture but **** me if I didn't seeminlgy lose my phone. Again. Hopefully it's not in the hands of some creepy methhead again.

TFW you don't get carded for booze at the store you buy cigs at :pimp:.

I used to get carded all the time. Well into my 40's. I liked it, but I now I don't get carded. Plankton doesn't like this.

I imagine it's not as pleasing once it's legal. It sure beats begging someone who may or may not steal your money to buy you alcohol, so I'll take it.

I know the feels. I took those chances quite a few times.

Ah, shoulder-tapping. A staple of military school life. But not so much for booze as for cigarettes.

Trying to stay inconspicuous and not look like Jay and Silent Bob was the real challenge.

I didn't care about cigarettes until after I was old enough to buy them. I was always the guy in the group that looked 'most 18' though, but it wasn't even rewarding, I was just helping out my friends.

Try doing it dressed like this, waiting outside a gas station.


http://www.ryancatherwood.com/wp-con.../05/cadets.jpg

tfw frozen snickers bar...

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I have a missing tooth because of frozen Snickers.

Fuck you, Dairy Queen.

There's a joke in there somewhere about the rhyming relationship between "Dairy" and "tooth fairy", but I'm not sure how best to exploit it.

Here, let me help you.

There's once was a girl who arrived at a Queen of Dairy, she broke her tooth, and out came the tooth fairy.

you guys don't even know the half of my struggle, man.

the tooth busted and continued to slowly rot for like 3 years until the rest of it fell out and I had the hole patched up.

I was having my wisdom teeth removed and they asked if I wanted an implant for the missing tooth. Shit's way in the back of my mouth. Why the fuck would I spend 3000$ on an implant nobody will ever see? Stupid shit.

This is exactly the kind of half-assed joke I was trying not to make.

But you're Batlord. Half-assed jokes are your calling card.

They still conform to some kind of minimum standard known only by me. You have failed to achieve my level of mediocrity.