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Dear O,
Spit, properly applied with ones fingers, is all anyone should ever need. Office Space reference inferred. Chula |
Quote:
You offended me by speaking Swedish. I'm crying now. Count Grishnackh |
Dear C*nt,
Ooops, slip. Count. Let's get back to spit and the essential role it plays in all things foreplay. Lubed for life. Chula |
Dear Chula,
I am 33 years old, independent, successful and not a stress in the world and I'm completely comfortable (and happy) with the fact that I am unmarried and have no children. I hear all the time people complaining about their lives and how they wish they'd followed their dreams and about all the trouble maintaining a family is, which they promptly follow with "but it's still worth it". Such a cognitive dissonance seems irrational to me. But I naturally assume that it's a basic matter of "I wish I had done A, but I'm OK with having done B". I respect the wisdom of my elders and I take it to heart in making decisions, however, one decision I can only make on my own and without the direction of others is how I want to live my life. With that said, there's always the nagging worry of getting to the end of my life having realized I've made the wrong decisions. What advice would you give relating to how to understand priorities in context with how they might become important or non-important near the end of a long-lived life, keeping in mind the varied nature of human personalities? |
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I got this one bro. ...and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make. |
I concur, and will add:
"You know it's going to get harder Harder, harder as you get older And in the end you'll pack up, fly down south Hide your head in the sand Just another sad old man, all alone and dying of cancer" |
Dear Chula,
How do I stop prevent my detachable penis from falling into the wrong hands? Sincerely, King Missle |
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Dear Chula,
I'm learning how to drive, but I can't get a handle on parking. Even in a parking lot with no cars and no pressure, I can't park without driving through the lines (so that if cars had been next to my space, they would have been all scratched up). Got any tips? Sincerely, Suzy Creamcheese |
Dear Suzy,
Stay away from parking lots. And my car. Fender bendered, Chula |
Dear Chula,
I read the work manual and it said I can't fart in front of staff and clients. With having IBS how will I prevent this? Sincerely, Vanilla the farting gun. |
Dear VTFG,
Request a desk as close to the bathroom as possible. Also, wear three pair of undies to improve the filtering and sound isolation. 100% cotton of course. Happy to be a hemisphere away, Chula |
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Dear Chula,
I don't fancy Led Zeppelin and Aerosmith much, but everyone else really seems to love them. If I wanted to get to know them both a little better, which albums/songs should I start with? Sincerely, Suzy Creamcheese |
Dear Chula
I farted while sitting in a chair, and it made a loud screeching sound, like Nicholas Cage. What are the chances of something like this happening again? More importantly, is it music? |
Dear Suzy,
With Aerosmith it's easy. Pick up Rocks. Amazon.com: Aerosmith: Rocks: Music With Zeppelin it's harder since the band evolved a lot with each album. I guess Mothership would be the best way to go. Amazon.com: Led Zeppelin: Mothership 2CD/1DVD: Music Oh, by the way, what the f*ck is wrong with you not liking these two classics?? Seriously perplexed, Chula |
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First we had "the six degrees of Kevin Bacon". Now we have "the stinky breeze of Nick Cage". Yes, it's music to your ears at least. Enough with the flatulence, Chula |
Dear Chula,
My butt itches. How do I scratch it without getting stinky digits? Best regards, Brownfinger |
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O great Cthulha,
How can I stay King of the Hill when Plankton keeps farting there? Regards, Castro |
Dear Castro,
ENOUGH WITH THE FLATULENCE!! Face red from yelling, Chula |
Dear Chula
I'm writing this in math class. Do you think that my math teacher will be pissed? Regards, Didn't Sign His F*cking Name A$$hat |
Dear Chula,
What does it mean if a girl cries after sex? Sincerely, Betty Crocker |
Dear DSHFN,
Only if you get caught. Math Challenged, Chula Dear Betty, Either it was a pity f*ck or your penis is enormous. Possible Penis Envy, Chula |
Dear Chula
I caught my son masturbation to thomas pynchon novels. Is this normal? Does every boy go through a postmodern phase? Regards, A Concerned Mother |
Dear DeadChannel,
Excuse yourself from math class and find your English teacher, stat. Chula |
Chula,
Some advice you gave previously landed me in jail. How the hell do I get out? El Che |
Dear Chula,
I wanted to go see The Interview but apparently North Koreans (all five of them) will kill me if I do. What ****ty movie should I watch instead? Sincerely, Comic Book Guy |
Dear El Chi,
http://billmuehlenberg.com/res/uploa...-free-card.jpg Coops to be flown, Chula Dear CBG, Annie should be right up your alley. Don't let the sh*tty reviews distract you. I swear it's right up your alley. Snickering, Chula |
Dear Chula
Is they're a way that I can get better at grammer? Is their a pill that I could take, cuz thatd be great. Cinsirley, Nicholas Cage |
Dear Nick,
http://images.kalahari.net/img/2006/...437_0_Img2.jpg PS: Do yourself a favor and order 3 copies. Been a long day, Chula |
Dear chula
Is theyare a way to get gooder grammars with out reading? Sinsurley, The Dude |
Quota for the day exceeded.
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Dear Chula
Is they've a way that I can go over my daily quota n' still get my answers questioned? Sincitycirley, John Cage's pet tiger, Keanu Nicholas Reeves, who often makes appearances in his works in the form of growling, hissing and general unpleasantness (at least, that sort of thing is unpleasant in pieces of music which ought to be silent), the one who often makes grammatical mistakes by virtue of the fact that he is a tiger and not John Cage (who's grammar is generally good), the one who thinks that maybe this is dadaist, but isn't entirely sure, although he is sure that it is a run on sentence, the one who made an appearance in the popular experimental film "To See With One's Own Eyes", after his death. |
Dear Chula,
I have a cankersore the size of a dime on the inside of my lip. It's been there a week now and I'm worried because the last time I went to a dentist they said I probably have a cavity near where the sore is. But I don't have dental insurance. What should I do? |
Dear Dude,
Gargle a ****load with warm salted water. It'll hurt but it will slowly kill the bacteria. Signed, Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman |
Dear Chula,
What is good in life? Sincerely, Suzy Creamcheese |
Dear Chula,
You know how people claim to see Elvis? Well I'm pretty sure I saw John Bonham buying spam at Walmart. I may or may not have been on acid at the time, but I still think it was him. Sincerely, George Noory |
Dear Suzy,
Bolognese sauce. Hawaiian weed. A cranked 50 watt tube amp. Uninhibited sex in the middle of the day - on the living room floor with the windows open. A crisp spring morning. Fresh out of the oven warm chocolate chip cookies with a cold glass of milk. Puppies. Ahhhhh, Chula Dear George, Listen to this 10 times and then get back to me. Pat's Delight, Chula |
Dear Kjula,
I'm giving a Led Zeppelin (Houses of the Holy) mug as a Christmas gift for a friend. On a scale from 1 to 666, how great of a gift is that? Best regards and have a nice weekend, Satan XOXO |
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