GuitarBizarre

Protip - There's no such thing as the friend zone. They're just bad at communicating that they're not into you, and you're not good at picking up that they're not.

Key takehome point - Sometimes someone likes you and isn't into you despite thinking you're attractive and nice. I have a female friend. Alternative model, thin, attractive, could have had a thing a long time ago but didn't get to that point.

In retrospect I:

1 - Still think she's pretty
2 - Still think she's a great friend
3 - Recognise that I am totally, totally the wrong type of dude for her to be with romantically. Everything I offer to her life socially is in terms of stability and support that wouldn't happen if the expectations of a romantic relationship were added into the equation. If we'd gotten together, the first arguments would have been the last arguments.

And that's fine. Sometimes someone isn't being a dick if they're not after your crotch vegetables. And sometimes people are better together if the between-the-legs-mambo isn't on either person's mind.

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The Batlord

Well you're also an adult. Friendzoning is thankfully reserved largely for middle and high school.

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GuitarBizarre

That's not friendzoning, that's awkward teens making up bizarre, asinine reasons why they can't have what they want, and being unable to reconcile that with reality.

It's the same mentality that makes guys think that if they're just buff enough, tall enough, "stylish" enough, they can have any girl they want. In reality, people just don't work that way - You can't please everybody, any of the time. Expecting to have a shot with every girl you talk to, just because you want to have a shot, isn't going to be a realistic expectation.

At its worst, it sets up this downward spiral, where someone not being into you is a huge, personal, judgemental attack. It's that kind of warped logic that leads to pickup artists and MRAs who seem to think that women are either illogical animals, or conniving witches, with the only acceptable women being subservient, docile, placid arm jewellery that don't form their own opinions on things.

Those people are scum, and it's a big deal to be mentally well balanced around that sort of thing.

For example, I watch anime and play videogames. For a lot of people, that's a dealbreaker for a relationship. But the fact is, I don't let those things control my life and/or turn me into a person I'm not proud of being, and if someone blindly assumes that without taking me for who I am, then that's their problem and doesn't reflect on me. I am no worse a person whatsoever for not being who that person thinks I am or should be.

At the end of the day, trying to please everyone will only make you unhappy. But you can please some people most of the time and that's doing pretty well socially in my book, at any age.

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RoxyRollah

Im sorry crotch vegtables?! WTF!?....

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Janszoon

Yeah, they're clearly crotch legumes.

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A Night in the Life of the Invisible Man

Time & Place

25 Albums You Should Hear Before the Moon Crashes into the Earth and We All Die

last.fm

GuitarBizarre

Never heard of a gentleman's meat and two veg?

There's also:

John Thomas
Willy
One Eyed Trouser Snake
Leviathan
Crotch Vegetables
Leader of the Opposition
Bandmaster of the Wild Mambo Duet
Lightning Rod
Roddy Piper
Rowdy Roddy Piper
The Big Show
Iron Man
Man Of Steel
Prick
Todger


and many more

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The Batlord

No, it's generally passive guys who latch onto a girl they can't have for whatever reason just so they don't have to pursue actual romantic relationships. Assuming they're gonna end up being sad, creepy, misogynist, pick-up artist types is silly. They may just be nerds.

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GuitarBizarre

You need to be more aware of the context, man.

The kind of people MRAs and PUA scum appeal to, is exactly that kind of person.

I have friends who read "The Game" and genuinely believed what it told them until they got some context and started thinking more critically about the kind of person they wanted to be for themselves, rather than the kind of person they assumed other people wanted them to be.

Nerds and the insecure are exactly the kind of people that can be split by that sort of divide. It's really hard, as someone who's always struggled socially, to get to the stage you can genuinely dismiss other people's opinions of you and become a person you respect. A lot of people who end up PUAs and MRAs are that way because they're finding a really extreme form of self-worth somewhere within it.

What they do works because they take a shotgun approach until someone responds to them. What they think they're doing is forcing women to confront a bold, take-no-prisoners masculine idol that's found a way out of the AFC traps of caring about the other person whatsoever.

They're not even polygamists or bigamists - they're more like serial monogamists. Getting the girl and getting that rush of self-assertion from it over and over again is all that keeps them going. They don't stick around for it to fall apart once their lie unravels, so they avoid the fallout of anyone confronting them on their behaviour.

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The Batlord

I'm aware that the nerd community is unfortunately susceptible to douchebaggery and prejudices, but I don't see why it's worth comparing friendzoning to men's rights douchebags. Would you compare feminists to misandrists just because a minority of feminists are KKK-like dickbags?

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GuitarBizarre

I'm not comparing the two though. I'm saying that the weakness of one is preyed upon by the other. Nerds are the target market for MRAs and PUAs because they typically encounter social difficulties that those groups can manipulate to their own benefit.

I could make comments about misandry and feminism too but that doesn't mean they're the same thing, or that one supports the other because that's simply not true.. But its hardly a stretch to say that a misandrist is more likely to peddle that agenda through feminist channels than neutral or patriarchal ones.

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