How Do I Prepare Spam? [Official Thread]

[ladyislingering]

How to Prepare Spam
A Step-by-Step Instructional Guide

Step 1: Take Spam out of the cabinet.
Step 2: Hit yourself in the head with it repeatedly.
Step 3: Take a good hard look at your goddamn life.
Step 4: Pull yourself together, goddamn it.
Step 5: Throw that shit in the garbage.
Step 6: Go take a damn shower.
Step 7: Take your ass to the store.
Step 8: Buy some goddamn potatoes.
Step 9: Carry potatoes home in burlap sack.
Step 10: Call a friend to assist you in bludgeoning yourself
until you apologize for your entire life and everything you've done in it
that has led up to your consideration of Spam
as an acceptable food substance.

[Aux-In]

Originally Posted by Chula Vista

Dude......

Cooking with an even thickness insures you don't have any rubbery bites.

Chula, man, I'm really sorry to let you down like this. In my defense, as of just a few short hours ago, I was a spam noob. Now I have the experience to guide me forward. I thought at the time that I could tear the 1/4" thick wedges by "eyeing it," only to find out that they don't tear evenly. I also thought that if that didn't work, then I could make them into patties, just like you do with ground meat. I was wrong.

Originally Posted by ladyislingering

How to Prepare Spam
A Step-by-Step Instructional Guide

Step 8: Buy some goddamn potatoes.

Yes, thank you. I usually buy about one potato a week, but it's the ready-heat ones. Just so happened I didn't have one on hand this week. While one potato is not a burlap, hopefully this is a step in the right direction.

[ladyislingering]

Originally Posted by aux-in

Yes, thank you. I usually buy about one potato a week, but it's the ready-heat ones. Just so happened I didn't have one on hand this week. While one potato is not a burlap, hopefully this is a step in the right direction.

one potato, two potato, three potato.... many potatoes.

[Black Francis]

I didn't want to say anything but i saw all this going downhill when you added peas to the pasta.

And i can't believe you topped it all off by drinking chocolate milk, you must have an iron stomach.

[ladyislingering]

Originally Posted by Black Francis

I didn't want to say anything but i saw all this going downhill when you added peas to the pasta.

And i can't believe you topped it all off by drinking chocolate milk, you must have an iron stomach.

or his tolerance for explosive diarrhea is off the charts.

[Black Francis]

The spam burger looked alright but apparently he didn't like it much.

Aux in don't give up on spam yet, try it for breakfast it goes good with eggs.

[Frownland]

You just have to have a very flexible definition of good.

[Black Francis]

I don't get this spam hate, i f*ckin love spam. It's cheap and tasty just like Corn beef. (Which i love too)

[Aux-In]

Originally Posted by Black Francis

I don't get this spam hate, i f*ckin love spam. It's cheap and tasty just like Corn beef. (Which i love too)

It wasn't bad, it's just that there are better meats to choose from that are around the same price point, although I'd have to check prices next time I go to the store. For example, two 6 oz. cans of tuna could do the same thing in cheese pasta and taste much better. Spam was somewhat tasteless, airy, slightly rubbery, but I didn't cook it properly due to my inconsistent cuts, and the burnt parts stood out more when I was eating it.

Originally Posted by Black Francis

Aux in don't give up on spam yet, try it for breakfast it goes good with eggs.

Kind of a good point, as spam might work better with a breakfast food such as [scrambled] eggs.

[Chula Vista]

Originally Posted by aux-in

Chula, man, I'm really sorry to let you down like this.

Forgiven.

Seriously though, cutting it into uniform thickness makes for perfect cooking and eliminating any rubbery texture. Don't let your first ****ed up Spam experience screw up your world view of Spam.

That would be sad.