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Old 04-28-2015, 01:16 PM   #31711 (permalink)
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As I would be honored to do so, but I have a wake to go to. Stupid ****ing people dying all the time. At least there'll be beer... outside in the parking lot... in my car.
That's what's up (uh... kinda, you know what I mean). Anybody worth mourning would want you to get ****ed up in the parking lot.







Enjoy, and I say this with the utmost respect when I say to you: Blow me, fart blossom.[/QUOTE]

I stopped listening to Diamond Head to listen to this ****, so I hope you're grateful.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien
There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.
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Old 04-28-2015, 01:51 PM   #31712 (permalink)
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As I would be honored to do so, but I have a wake to go to. Stupid ****ing people dying all the time. At least there'll be beer... outside in the parking lot... in my car.









Enjoy, and I say this with the utmost respect when I say to you: Blow me, fart blossom.
I'll give you real feedback later, as I was too drunk to even remember I was listening to you most of the time. I liked that it was more metal than I was expecting, but I have no intelligent critiques at this time. Write some grindcore and we'll be in business. Of course, I'll probably be too stupid to know what's going on anyway, but I just wanna listen to some grindcore.

BTW, was that you singing?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien
There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.
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Old 04-28-2015, 08:05 PM   #31713 (permalink)
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I haven't had this much alcohol at my disposal in probably years, so I am gonna be out of control, possibly on a WD level, or at least on a LiL quotient.
post of the day right there.

um so something really gross happened to me today and I just... ugh.

Spoiler for customer taking a dump story:
I really wish I could have told someone about this customer a lot earlier in the day but there's really no casual way to say "someone in the restroom was shitting the lost city of Atlantis and trying to have a conversation with me at the same time".

Shortly after lunch, as I was heading back to work, I made a quick trip to the ladies' room. When I entered the restroom, there was a pair of shoes, a water bottle, and a couple of tote bags strewn over the floor - complete with an absolutely obnoxious woman experiencing what I can only describe as the bowel event of a lifetime.

"Hello? Is someone there?"

I didn't answer because I figured it was just some super cracked-out person trying to shoot up or something.

"Oh, I guess you're not answering."

I felt a little guilty and awkward and apologized.

She said, "I really wish I could get going" .... then trailed off into an unintelligible babble, ending in what sounded like "cancer".

"I'm so sorry" I pitifully responded, just trying to take a peaceful piss and get the hell out of there.

"Oh, no, it's ok, I really shouldn't be talking out loud right now."

"....you're ok."

It was only then that she unleashed an unholy, seemingly endless and horrific ass-noise while I sat there completely mortified. It sounded like a machine gun completely unloading inside of a tub of pudding. If there were any elderly people within earshot, they probably dove under the nearest table with flashbacks of nuclear war preparations.

After the terror ceased (and the city called off the earthquake warning) I kid you not, she said...

"Woo lawd, girl, we're having a diarrhea moment!"

I was laughing so hard I hardly got past washing my hands before I broke down and just cackled. I was laughing as a mother and her poor baby daughter were walking in the door.

About 10 minutes later, that mother approached me and said "I saw you laughing at that woman in the restroom".

"Yes... she was, um... very strange..."

"She started breakdancing after you left."

"... W...h...at?"

"I had to get out of there because I was laughing so hard. It was the strangest thing I've ever seen!"

"yeah... we get the weird ones here..."

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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Old 04-29-2015, 06:33 AM   #31714 (permalink)
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BTW, was that you singing?
No. What singing? I believe you're talking about Bernard Purdie explaining some time signatures.

How's your head feeling today?
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Old 04-29-2015, 07:37 AM   #31715 (permalink)
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Fine. Don't get hangovers. I do have a mystery bruise on my knee though. I have also learned a valuable lesson: if you're going to get ****faced, don't do it when you didn't sleep the night before, or else you will pass out and waste your buzz. I still have half a beer left, staring at me, mocking me.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien
There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.
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Old 04-29-2015, 08:00 AM   #31716 (permalink)
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Fine. Don't get hangovers. I do have a mystery bruise on my knee though. I have also learned a valuable lesson: if you're going to get ****faced, don't do it when you didn't sleep the night before, or else you will pass out and waste your buzz. I still have half a beer left, staring at me, mocking me.
Chug that mother fuker.
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Old 04-29-2015, 08:09 AM   #31717 (permalink)
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Chug that mother fuker.
Done.

Also, this was my drunken text conversation with my dad last night:

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Originally Posted by The Batlord
I'm drunk and getting drunker. Entertain me before i kill you.
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Originally Posted by The Deadbeat
I'm dancing and wearing very little. I can't dance for ****, so it's really ****ing hilarious! I call it the white boy boogie! Are you not entertained?
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Originally Posted by The Batlord
Vaguely. How retarded are you? We need to chill. It's kinda awkward but i need to meet your family. we need to get high too.
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Originally Posted by The Deadbeat
We definitely don't need to get high.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Batlord
Seriously im not gonna pretend like i havent been avoiding you (awkward). But i need to meet your family. Real ****.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien
There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.
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Old 04-29-2015, 08:11 AM   #31718 (permalink)
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Now, go burn a church.
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Old 04-29-2015, 09:07 AM   #31719 (permalink)
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Fine. Don't get hangovers. I do have a mystery bruise on my knee though. I have also learned a valuable lesson: if you're going to get ****faced, don't do it when you didn't sleep the night before, or else you will pass out and waste your buzz. I still have half a beer left, staring at me, mocking me.
Round my parts we call that breakfast.
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Old 04-29-2015, 09:12 AM   #31720 (permalink)
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Round my parts we call that breakfast.
If I'd had more than one it would've been fine, but what am I gonna do with half a beer?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien
There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.
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