I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN. I had to deal with that shit all the time when I worked at McDonald's, but fortunately the shit hole I worked at was so unprofessional that they didn't always force us to wear the headsets so I could normally get away with leaving it off and just reading orders as they came up on the screen (which is part of the reason are service was so horrendously slow.)

Now that I've been working in retail for a good 8 or so months now, I can firmly say that every shift is twice, maybe three times better than the best day I ever had working in a fast food joint. I remember this one time some old lady brought her McDouble back because she said her mustard was smushed. I'm not joking. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? SMUSHED MUSTARD?

"Smushed mustard" brings to mind images of what a breastfed newborn baby's poop resembles... Perhaps the old lady was simply accusing you of putting diaper **** on her burger, thereby explaining her rage?

If only she knew what I did to the burger after she brought it back...


Totally just kidding, I'm not that hateful. I never had the balls to do anything to anyones food, regardless of how rude of crazy they were.

As far as I can remember I'm the only one I've ever known who's actually ****ed with someone's food. I've seen plenty of people accidentally drop something on the ground and still give it to a customer, but I'm the only one who goes out of their way to add their own fluids.

So just remember, most of the stories you've been told about restaurant employees doing terrible things to your food are myths... but I'm still out there.

Okay, I have to ask. What did you, or do you do, to peoples' food you diabolical basterd.

I've licked the inside of buns before making the sandwich, intentionally dropped food on the ground, spit into people's drinks, shoved food down my pants and rubbed it on my bare crotch, put pubes in sandwiches, and I'm sure other things.

It's not something I do often, but sometimes it's necessary to preserve my own sanity.

You are a disgusting human being and I will never eat Burger King again in my life because of you.


Just kidding, I eat that stuff at least once a week, but I'll be damned if I don't check my food for pubes first now.

That's why I only did it the once. Eventually someone's gonna find it, and my pubes are too curly, thick, and coarse to be mistaken for anything else. I'm Irish.

When I'm Stateside, I never eat fast food for this very reason.