Music Banter - Intimate Relationships

Alright, let's set the story.

It's senior year of high school. I'm in the two piece General Disregard with my at the time friend Neil Chott: a Chicago native, drug dealer, and probably the most genuinely "punk" person I've ever met. We've known each other since late 2014, bonding over a love of punk rock and film. I was fine with the drug dealing bit of him but made it clear that I wanted no part in that aspect of his life. For those two years, he was the guy I talked to and hung out with the most, even though I had closer friends (like Alex, Nikki, and Chris), our schedules just ended up lining up the most. Through the time I knew him he tried to shape me into something else, but not necessarily in a forcing way. I was sick of being this introverted teenager who did nothing but listen to music and go to school. I knew I wasn't comfortable in certain social situations but I wanted to be... I guess I wanted to just feel good, you know? I wanted to have fun while I was in high school, hang out with people, and most of all have close friends. I wanted that like hell. Someone who wasn't casual but was attentive and loved me for who I was. Neil, on the other hand, had the complete opposite personality as me. He was loud, rebellious, and assertive. I certainly didn't want to be him, but I wanted to do the things he did. I wanted to go to shows and enjoy life, enjoy my friendships, and feel comfortable with my life. So senior year during lunch, there was this girl at the table next to ours that I thought was sort of cute, and carried around a South Park lunchbox. I expressed to him that I thought this and wanted his help getting her. This was probably the biggest mistake I ever made with him. For the next couple months, he pressed me on and on how to do this and that, "training" me to talk to this random chick that I didn't know at all. I made a single attempt to talk to her, which didn't last long and was very awkward, sitting at their table under the guise of talking to one of her other friends that I knew and simply complimenting her lunchbox. Neil liked to use my introversion during this time as an insult, going at lengths to make me feel worthless and like a social outcast. He started amongst his friends, which reached most of the student body, the naming of me as "Mr. Bergers" and acted as if he was my guide to becoming an actual operating human being and as if I was helpless socially. You can imagine that at this point, combining from the **** I was getting from him and my own social insecurities, I felt pretty poorly about myself.

But then something happened. My friend Nathan set up an AP Statistics review session with his boyfriend Bobby and his friend Olivia, which I had previously met while in the class and gone to lunch with the two of them. During this session, I had quite the time. I got both of them to laugh and did much more talking and hanging out than studying. From this meeting, I changed my views on myself. I realized that perhaps I wasn't quite as socially disabled as Neil led me to believe. Dating Olivia wasn't even a thought in my mind during this time. She was incredibly attractive and confident, thus way out of my league. She did things and presumably actually did things with her life, and so I catalogued her in my mind as superior to me, and thought not of it.

But then a few weeks passed. I had seen her around school during then and talked to her in passing whenever I got a chance. I didn't realize it yet, but I had a massive crush on her. I recommended her listen to Kid A based on her tastes in Blur and the Strokes, and badgered Nathan a bit in art class to ask her what she ended up thinking about it. But instead, he told her I was wondering if she was free that weekend. When he showed me what he asked, I freaked out. Knowing her, a fiercely independent and outspoken young woman, I thought I was going to get my ass beat. But then the response came, "no, but I wish". Immediately, all these feelings rushed towards me... the thought that someone could actually find me attractive in any sense was something that I'd never considered. Even after this, I still couldn't believe it and didn't know whether to pursue her any further. Besides, we were different people. It'd never work. But after the course of a week I considered it more, and eventually confronted Nathan, who said he could tell me at any time whether she was single or not or to help me out any further. At this time, I ended up seeing Olivia every day in the hallway, her face would light up and she would touch my arm in passing, giving me greetings. Neil, bewildered, started up one day witnessing it as we walked from my first period. "How's it feel to know Nathan's a better wingman than you?", I told him.

Jump to the last day of high school, or mine at least. Due to my exams being already complete, I needed not to attend the final day, but was there the previous Friday, in which the Senior picnic took place. I sat down in the middle of the field with who I was with the previous period, happening to be Nikki. We found and met up with Nathan, who was sitting next to Olivia. I gave my yearbook to her, as she was one of the few who had yet to sign it. She smiled and obliged, during which I turned around to talk to some other friends. When I turned back, she had gone off to talk to some people she'd never see again, and I picked up the yearbook. She signed it with her number, and the text "Tristan... you should call me". She met back up with the group, and I made an effort to talk more to her, and following the picnic, accompanied her and Nathan to her convertible Lexus, as she was going to drive him home. As a parting, we hugged for the first time, giddy and smiling. But, it turned out to be, as she did say, awkward, as I stumbled into it. I asked if she wanted to try again, to which she, bursting with a smile, again obliged into a full embrace. This was, as I then realized, the turning point of my life and the start of my adulthood.

We texted nonstop in the days leading up the the first date, and I got to know her as a fellow introvert who felt she had no real relationships and did nothing substantial with her time. This boosted my confidence even further, and led to the Wednesday morning that we first met by our lonesomes. I picked her up at her house, and we went to an outdoor shopping center called Cameron Village, which was not really my ideal choice of an area but was what my parents suggested would be better than going to Raleigh in the summer, with it's parking regulations and widespread nature. We walked around for a bit and talked, but quickly realized the stores worth going to were closed and nothing really interesting for a first date was there. We sat down to eat at a restaurant, and realizing we didn't really want anything from there but having waters already made, made a sudden plan to dash and go to Schoolkids records, owing to a fun little moment together. We went to Schoolkids, looked at records, and then ate at a nearby pizza place, where we talked about our families and lives. Then, she chose to go to a bookstore, and we drove to the first I saw on my GPS, Nice Price Books, which we found to be 60% music centered. I flipped through the dollar CDs and the Modest Mouse vinyl, telling her stories of each record I came across. I bought her a Bots CD and she got the Communist Manifesto, being a proud socialist she felt naked without one.

After this, we decided to walk around the surrounding streets. We ventured into a neighborhood, and came to a dead end at a fence. She confronted me with the question, would I want to turn around and go back to the car or keep walking around? I chose to continue walking, and at this point, she surprised me and grabbed a hold of my hand. I looked at her, smiles reaching both our cheeks, and ventured out into the neighborhood that connected us with the NC State campus. We talked music, her distaste of Neutral Milk Hotel, and each others personalities, never letting go of each others grip. We weaved in and out of parked cars and under the tree canopied college, and eventually made our way back to the car, in which we decided on going to a park close to her house. Instead of walking, we decided to just sit and chat, in which she leaned against me and allowed me to hold on to her. We cuddled and talked, grinning the entire time and complimenting each other, and then I kissed her neck, her cheek, and then had my first kiss. And then second kiss. And first french kiss. And second french kiss. It was a rather humid day, and we were both quite sweaty, but we were elated to be with each other and found comfort and safety in our arms.

To be continued because this is long as ****.