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Music Banterus: A Fantasy Epic
Music Banterus: A Fantasy Epic Spoiler for dank memes:
Plot Summary: When King Hatemonchan of Music Banterus falls in battle, it's up to a band of misfits to journey out and find his replacement. Starring: -Droltab the Repugnant -Lord Christophe von Frowninghymen VII -Yorkius the Irritable -Ki -The Great Sage Trolldalf, the 48th Shade of Gray -The Snake Queen Roxoffodildo -Gloofe the Jester -Tieu Sickstein -General Stark of the Imperial Order of the Sansa -Strawberry -And many more!!! Chapter Listings: Chapter One: Assembly Chapter Two: Villainy Chapter Three: Dude Whoa Chapter Four: Flashback |
Who on earth is Strawberry?
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Oh god I love this already. Who else but YorkeDaddy?
Also, I love how i'm the only normal name in that list. |
Jesus Christ okay this is gonna be fun.
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Vanilla :P |
So long as I get first billing, then I will allow this.
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Yeah, this sounds like it could be great. Looking forward to it. Good job! :thumb:
(The Sage Trolldalf approves) |
Chapter One: Assembly It's a cold, stormy night. The Ye Olde Pub of Chula was packed as always with patrons flooding in from all around for a pint and fun times... Christophe: ...and that's why A Man Doing Calisthenics Whilst Wearing a Toga That's a Size or Two Too Small is the greatest stage performance of all-time. Droltab: Do you even hear yourself sometimes? Christophe: Look, we've had this discussion before. Let's just agree to disagree, alright? Droltab: I've been trying to see things your way. I even attended a production of A Man With No Arms Playing a Glockenspiel With His Feet the other night. I just don't see what's so special about any of it. I'd much rather go see Three Large-Breasted Women Playing Hopscotch. Christophe: That show is just too standard for me. We need to be pushing boundaries, not rolling with the status quo. Take my most recent directing venture: A Family Sleeping Peacefully Except For the Father Who Snores Occasionally. Now that's real entertainment! Droltab: I hate everything you stand for. Just then, the doors of the pub flew wide open. A cloaked man stood in the doorway menacingly, except it was raining so hard that he honestly looked quite silly. The entire pub quieted to a faint whisper as the man walked inside. ?????: I have an important announcement to make. King Hatemonchan of Music Banterus...has been slain in the heat of battle. A collective gasp sounded throughout the pub. Hushed conversation ensued throughout the building as no one knew how to take the news. Droltab: And just who the hell are you? Where did you get this information? The man removed his cloak, revealing a powerful, chiseled face and flowing hair that somehow managed to stay flowing despite there being no wind inside this building. Ki: I go by the name of Ki. I am of high nobility and very, very handsome. I am here for Lord Christophe von Frowninghymen VII. Christophe: That is I. What is it you need me for? Ki: That is to remain top secret. You must come with me to the Castle of Music Banterus. -------------------------------- Meanwhile, just outside the halls of the Castle of Music Banterus, a book club meeting is underway... Yorkius: Hello everybody, nice to see you here today. I'm happy to announce that we have a new member! Give a warm welcome to Innerboy Space! Gloofe: It's very nice to meet you. What kind of books are you into? Innerboy: Oh, you know, the regulars. Classical Contemporary 14th Decade Nigerian Snakebound Metaphysical Nonfiction with a hint of Stephen King. I have a collection of over 4,625,094,693 books of this genre, would you like some recommendations? Yorkius: Well uh, let's stick with what we've all read for this meeting. So what did everyone think of Metal Machine Sentences? How about you, Lee Harvey Oswald? Lee: something something beef something something my-shift-key-is-always-broken something Yorkius: Fascinating. You really have a way with words Gloofe: Well Metal Machine Sentences was the fortieth book I read yesterday, and just so you know all were different genres, but also just so you know I thought it was totally rad. Yorkius: Interesting. I really didn't like Metal Machine Sentences, and I find it strange that our opinions differed so much on last week's read, To Hustle a Moth, but oh well. Just then, a large cloud of smoke appeared a few feet away from the club members. When the smoke cleared there stood a short man in long, gray robes. He held a large staff and a "I <3 Marillion" button on his left breast. In a booming voice he pronounced: ?????: I come bearing dramatic news that you all really need to hear! Yorkius: Stop being so mysterious, Trolldalf. I think everyone here knows you. Trolldalf: Ah, right. Anyway, King Hatemonchan is dead! Yorkius: What?! That's absurd! How could that happen? Trolldalf: He was battling the evil army, Le Spambots of Doom, and he was unfortunately overcome by their never-ending forces. He fought until his last breath. Gloofe: So what do we do now? Trolldalf: That's why I've come to you and Yorkius. We must convene within the castle, posthaste! -------------------------------- To be continued.............. |
There's only one thing wrong with this: I want more, and I want it now! I don't want to have to wait! This is the best thing since Batlord's "Return of the Kings of Metal"! I nearly pissed myself with Batty's "I hate everything you stand for", ISB's choice of books and JWB's sentence actually made me wet myself I laughed so much.
Bravo, man, bravo! When can we have more? :clap: |
I burst our laughing at "I <3 Marillion". You know, because it's ridiculous that there are people who <3 Marillion. (I'm kidding, I love you Trollheart.)
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I like the cut of this Droltab's jib, and would also like to see Three Large-Breasted Women Playing Hopscotch.
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When I first saw A Man Doing Calisthenics Whilst Wearing a Toga That's a Size or Two Too Small, I was pretty impressed. It's faded on me though, the novelty of wondering whether his toga will be one or two sizes two small gets old tbh. I need my change ups to be more drastic.
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Dude, this is my new favourite thread in the history of the site. I genuinely LOL'd several times.
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I'm generally excited about something on this thread for the first time in forever.
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This is so good!
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This is ****ing great, like besides Batlord's review of that WISK album I've never been more thoroughly entertained as this.
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Chapter Two: Villainy Elsewhere in the dark, smelly fields of Banland, two disgruntled past citizens hatch up a plan... Stark: Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the most androgynous of them all? Tieu Sickstein: Will you shut up already? I'm trying to take a few more lines over here. You know how I get when I'm not AMPED on RIGHTEOUS GLORY. Stark: Okay look, we've been fighting in this awful place for months now, we need to find a way outta here. Tieu: *sniff*, alright fine. As long as we don't bring this Reggae Cello guy with us... Reggae Cello: I swear to Allah I am the original writer of Stairway to Heaven, fuck you guys. Suddenly Tieu's trusty bald eagle swooped down and beheaded Reggae Cello. Thus concludes his cameo appearance. Stark: ...anyway, I say we just contact a temporarily banished citizen and have him infiltrate the Castle of Music Banterus. Now who exactly do you recommend? Tieu: Oh don't worry about that, I have just the right guy in mind... -------------------------------- Meanwhile at Ye Olde Pub of Chula, a fight breaks out... Droltab: I've sucked a dick before, I'm not afraid to kill somebody! Chula: Wait, what? Droltab: ...never mind, just give me another damn pint! Chula: You've already had an entire keg, man! You're gonna kill yourself! Droltab: You may be right, but how else am I supposed to get through A Family Sleeping Peacefully Except For the Father Who Snores Occasionally? I already promised Christophe I'd go see it tomorrow! Chula: Well it won't matter if he's off doing whatever that Ki fellow requested him for. Droltab: ...Shit, you're right! That makes me so angry that I'm...I'm gonna chase them down and kick Christophe's ass! Carpe Diem: But Droltab, what about the obvious sexual tension between us that we've been desperately trying to suppress for years? Droltab: You bring up a good point. But the opportunity to demonstrate my immense distaste for over-indulgent, pretentious "art", I must decline your offer of steamy, hot sex...until right after I kick Christophe's ass. Carpe: Deal. -------------------------------- Elsewhere on a quaint little farm on the outskirts of Music Banterus... Ki: I know you've been out of the game for quite some time, but we really need you now. Lambspoon: I hung up my sword long ago, and I do not intend on picking it up again. I've been using the free time to become a world-renowned farmer and so I could raise my pet, Sounds. Ki: You named your pet, Sounds? Lambspoon: Yeah I named my pet, Sounds. Cool name. Anyway, I'm afraid I cannot come with you. Ki: Alright. Well, if you change your mind, we will all be preparing at the Castle of Music Banterus over the next couple of days before the group sets out. The journey will be long and perilous, we could really use your leadership and expertise. Lambspoon: I understand. You have my best wishes. -------------------------------- To be continued................... |
I'm like a super badass in this story.
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Absolutely addicted to this! The part with Stark and 216, pure genius! Wonder who the "guy in mind" 216 is going to go to is? Also, superb work on Rock Guitar, sorry Reggae Cello! Superb all round!
One stipulation, which I think everyone will agree with, this must never end. Also, if you want input/collaboration, well I am a ninetieth level mage, or something... |
What the **** is Lambspoon?
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Also thanks for the great reception so far everyone! I wasn't sure how this type of thing would be received but clearly people are digging it which will keep me motivated and inspired Expect similarly short chapters every 1-2 days. The possibilities and in-jokes are nearly limitless so I plan on keeping this going for quite some time. |
I'm also getting the impression from this that there's an assumption on this forum that Frownland and I are actually besties. I don't approve of this.
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Uh, who is Tieu Sickstein? Sorry if I'm missing something obvious.
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This is hilarious! My scene reminded me of Unforgiven. :laughing:
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Chapter Three: Dude Whoa Back outside the walls of the Castle of Music Banterus, things are starting to get weird... Yorkius: Yo, Gloofe, are those shrooms we scored from Christophe the other day kicking in yet? Gloofe: I...uh...fluff.......blob...steam engines Yorkius: Meh, amateurs. Do you think we should mess with him, Trolldalf? Trolldalf: Wait, you guys are on shrooms right now?! Yorkius: We took them about half an hour ago, you just happened to show up right after. It appears Gloofe is having a rough go of things Gloofe: What happened to Mercury?! Why is it no longer a planet?! Trolldalf: Goodness! Why aren't you acting like that? Yorkius: Hey there's no telling what will happen to me. Maybe it'll take longer for me to feel the effects. In the meantime, why don't you poof something out of thin air to freak him out? Trolldalf: I only use my magical powers for good, not for jokes on someone who's tripping balls! Yorkius: Ugh fine, maybe Sexo has something funny for him to look at. Sexo's Porn Shack is right over here, let's go have a gander. Sexo: If it's porn you need, I have it in droves! Be sure to read my weekly review column on all the latest releases. Yorkius: Give us something especially perverse, we...I mean I'm trying to fuck with Gloofe over here. Sexo: Ah yes, I have just the thing. Here's one of my favorites from last year: Woman With Six Mouths Gives Oral Upside Down While Riding a Unicorn. It's an independent release with low production values, but the talent behind this cannot be understated! Yorkius: Ah yes, that sounds wonderffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff fffffuck what's going on?! Trolldalf, your hat! It's doing the Electric Slide on your head! Trolldalf: What's that? My hat is sitting still as it always does! Gloofe: Damn it! I'm trying to do a somersault but I can't! Trolldalf: You're just laying in the fetal position for goodness sakes! Yorkius: Hey whoa now, let's think about this logically. If the universe is finite, does that mean I can actually be a walrus if I dream about it hard enough? Sexo: What in the actual fuck is going on here? Christophe: Oh look, they took my shrooms! Trolldalf: Ah, if it isn't Lord Christophe von Frowninghymen VII, I trust you were sent here by Ki? Christophe: Yes, I was told to find you at the Castle. There is supposedly a large meeting to be had later tonight. Sexo: What's this about a meeting? Why was I not made aware of this?...and why is Gloofe trying to gnaw on my leg?! Gloofe: We gotta.......trim.....the fat Yorkius: Christophe, if I ripped off your mustache and ate it would I harness your powers?? Trolldalf: Uh...Sexo, I'm afraid this planned meeting is top secret and only a select few chosen warriors may attend. Sexo: Ah, fair enough. You know me, all I need is porn, porn, and more porn! Just then, a guttural howl was heard from off in the distance... ?????: I'm....gonna....kick....his....ass! Sexo: The hell was that? Christophe: Who knows? Let's just get to that meeting. We'll have to drag these two bozos with us. Yorkius: Whoa whoa whoa, don't forget the porn! Gloofe: Hurry! We...we gotta hurry! The flapjacks! They're coming! -------------------------------- To be continued.................... |
I do like my porn.
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Great so far - I'm curious how/if I'm going to come into play hah
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It'll probably be about a week before I can get more of this written
Just letting people know that I haven't given up already :P |
If you don't finish this, I'm banning you on principle.
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I second the motion.
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Why am I banging Trollheart when I think all would agree I should be banging Sansa?
That being said, let this live forever. Theres a few cameos that haven't been made yet that should. |
Oops. Meant Batlord. Sucks being the only chick metal fan, they always throw you to the wolves....
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