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Old 03-28-2006, 10:33 AM   #1 (permalink)
Idontthinkyouknow
 
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Default Collide

on the wings of the morning blinds the sun
underneath all the heaven's doom to come
sleepers waking long into the dawn
dreaming far into the reveler's song

when all the world falls down into hell
will we still hear the church's bell
if I had to I'd wake up right here by your side
when all these heavens (do) collide

from on the stands of the castle search the men
to the ends of their dreams and back again
spring still creeping on the cloud-torn sky
whiler dreams of earth grow cold in heaven's eye

if I don't find the strength to carry on
will you still hear the reveler's song
if I had to I'd fall down by your side
when all these heaven's (do) collide

into the halls of the churches flock the men
seeking peace from the wrath of an earth condemned
sing your praises around the world my son
we once were many but now we're just one

if I don't find the strength to still believe
can you rise up and still make peace
I'd like to find my faith right here by your side
when all these heavens (do) collide
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Old 04-06-2006, 08:31 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Unhappy

This the second time I posted this and still haven't gotten any responses. Is it that bad? Is it that good? Does this just go over your head?

These are not my typical lyrics but I don't have many that are already copyrighted. I guess if they're that bad then there's no point in me worrying about infringement. I wouldn't mind exchanging reviews with someone who is looking for more comprehensive feedback but at this point I'll take anything.

So please tell me what you think of it. And thanks (or thanks for nothing).
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Old 04-06-2006, 09:04 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crashing Sun
This the second time I posted this and still haven't gotten any responses. Is it that bad? Is it that good? Does this just go over your head?

These are not my typical lyrics but I don't have many that are already copyrighted. I guess if they're that bad then there's no point in me worrying about infringement. I wouldn't mind exchanging reviews with someone who is looking for more comprehensive feedback but at this point I'll take anything.

So please tell me what you think of it. And thanks (or thanks for nothing).
I'm really sorry that I can't look at your lyric it in more depth at the moment, as I'm doing some work, but in reponse to your second post, it probably is the case that the lyrics 'go over our heads'.

By this I don't mean that they are necessarily too deep or too complex for the reader to understand at all. They're just not as immediate as some of the other lyrics on here. Its not so clear what the lyric is about on first reading (well, I only read it once and didn't quite get it) and on a forum that'll probably be too much of a strain on many people's attention spans. The lyrics look well-crafted enough that a reader or listener would be happy to sit through them a few times, to develop their understanding and to figure out what you're communicating, but this is much less likely on an internet forum than it would be at a gig, or reading a lyric sheet or something like that.

Its probably not your lyrics, its just the nature of the forum. My writing style (for example), with simple, direct and easily digested lyrics will probably have more response than your writing style, which may be more subtle, metaphorical and effort-demanding. Not because one style is better than the other - although, to be honest, I mainly write simple lyrics because I wouldn't know how to write deep and meaningful ones - but because it requires less effort to think of comments.

Don't worry. Keep posting. It can't take much effort just to copy and paste what you already have into this forum can it?
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When Pete plays it is 100% live , your music if that's what you call it doesn't sound so good either? so you can't really critercize can you ?
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Old 04-06-2006, 09:12 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Sometimes people are lazy. I posted my Rap Collection - and didn't get one word lol. I'll critique it later - looks interesting...

as for styles of music... my songs are usually pretty long - and have gotten good reviews in the past... check out the "Who is good at writing lyrics?" thread and go to the last page to check the styles out - they always got a lot of reviews... I don't know... gotta tug on some heartstrings, maybe..
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Old 04-07-2006, 01:08 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Crowe
Sometimes people are lazy.
That's what I meant really...
Quote:
Originally Posted by DontRunMeOver
on a forum that'll probably be too much of a strain on many people's attention spans.
...just being a slave to the Political Correctness monkey again.
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Originally Posted by Katyppfan View Post
When Pete plays it is 100% live , your music if that's what you call it doesn't sound so good either? so you can't really critercize can you ?
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Old 04-07-2006, 06:26 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crashing Sun
This the second time I posted this and still haven't gotten any responses. Is it that bad? Is it that good? Does this just go over your head?

These are not my typical lyrics but I don't have many that are already copyrighted. I guess if they're that bad then there's no point in me worrying about infringement. I wouldn't mind exchanging reviews with someone who is looking for more comprehensive feedback but at this point I'll take anything.

So please tell me what you think of it. And thanks (or thanks for nothing).
haha, i don't think it's a matter of it being bad, probably most people realize that they'd have to put in a real effort to critique a song that's a little more complex in terms of theme and content, so they shy away.

anyways, i see what you mean about it not being you're typical lyrics, to me it seems a little more structured than the stuff you usually post, but I have to say I like the change. I love the fact that you've kept the structure of the verses and chorus's pretty strict and consistent, because it allows the song to flow perfectly; while still managing to keep the lyrics interesting and not sounding forced. and I love the way the chorus's have subtle differences every time, good call on that.

the only critiques i can think of are really minor.

on the wings of the morning blinds the sun
underneath all the heaven's doom to come

just the logistics of this line seem somewhat off to me. The two lines seem disconnected in a way, it starts off as almost a kind of personification of the sun, and yet that never really gets resolved, we never find out exactly what the sun is doing. I love the imagery of it, but i can't seem to really make sense of it as there seems to be missing some elements.

that's pretty much it, other than that, I absolutely love it, too bad i didn't see it the first time you posted it, because I think I like this one the best of all the one's you've posted, i'd love to see you try some more in a similar style, because it seems to work really well.
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Old 04-08-2006, 12:01 AM   #7 (permalink)
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This is the only one i've read by you, (I typically ignore peoples writings I don't reconize, or people who's stuff is typically crap) so I can't compare it to anything or say its better then your past stuff. However I think its a very solid writing, and like it quite a bit thats all I really have to add I don't see anything wrong with it. And I don't think its a bad writing at all, as said earlier people tend to ignore complex or lengthy writings because it takes longer time to crit. Good stuff all in all I like it quite a bit.
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Old 04-08-2006, 05:28 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Thanks for all the responses. I wasn't sure if it was just because people didn't care despite that I've offered a fair share of feedback to others. I can see what people are saying that these lyrics are not as direct - they are meant to more poetic than anything else.

If you haven't already you can listen to and read about this song ay my link. Anything I post lyric-wise will probably be a song that's already on that site, but I am having a problem with at least one new song that I might put up as well at some point.

This is just want I needed to know so thanks again. Let me know if you need thoughts on anything if I happen to miss it.
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