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Old 07-02-2006, 04:39 AM   #1 (permalink)
that's my war face.
 
TrampInaTux's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,418
Default That Man In The Corner

Left upon the shelf
Kept quietly to myself
If they ask you where I am
'He is not home right now'

Left inside my bed
Sitting up, uncomfy
Can you change my sheets please
They've been unwashed for days

CHORUS
Cannot, cannot hear you sir
Cannot hear you whisper
Cannot, cannot hear you sir
Cannot hear you whisper

Only my thoughts
Keep me from insanity
And the food on my plate
Which I've been playing with for a week

Another day has passed
With no human contact
Locked inside a bubble
Wishing I could shout

CHORUS
Cannot, cannot hear you sir
Cannot hear you whisper
Cannot, Cannot hear you sir
Cannot hear you whisper
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Old 07-02-2006, 06:16 AM   #2 (permalink)
a l'amou fou pou tout
 
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: NY
Posts: 355
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by hobojesus
Left upon the shelf
Kept quietly to myself
If they ask you where I am
'He is not home right now'


Left inside my bed
Sitting up, uncomfy
Can you change my sheets please
They've been unwashed for days

CHORUS
Cannot, cannot hear you sir
Cannot hear you whisper
Cannot, cannot hear you sir
Cannot hear you whisper

Only my thoughts
Keep me from insanity
And the food on my plate
Which I've been playing with for a week


Another day has passed
With no human contact
Locked inside a bubble
Wishing I could shout


CHORUS
Cannot, cannot hear you sir
Cannot hear you whisper
Cannot, Cannot hear you sir
Cannot hear you whisper
Bolded = like/likeish
Underlined = what??? don't you mean upon, how can you be inside it?

IMO, you should think of a better chorus, and fix up the last two lines of the Blue stanza
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Old 07-02-2006, 02:04 PM   #3 (permalink)
that's my war face.
 
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,418
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By inside my bed I mean inside my covers, I wrote the line like that because that's the way I speak.
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Old 07-05-2006, 03:29 PM   #4 (permalink)
isfckingdead
 
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 18,969
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fooks sake, I didn't know which of your songs to comment on first.

I like it, im kind of jealious cause all your stuff rhymes/flows well which I suck with. I don't like the 'Wishing I could shout' like, shout out loud? Or something should be added 'cause it seems kind of weak to me.
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