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07-02-2006, 05:39 AM | #1 (permalink) |
that's my war face.
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,418
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That Man In The Corner
Left upon the shelf
Kept quietly to myself If they ask you where I am 'He is not home right now' Left inside my bed Sitting up, uncomfy Can you change my sheets please They've been unwashed for days CHORUS Cannot, cannot hear you sir Cannot hear you whisper Cannot, cannot hear you sir Cannot hear you whisper Only my thoughts Keep me from insanity And the food on my plate Which I've been playing with for a week Another day has passed With no human contact Locked inside a bubble Wishing I could shout CHORUS Cannot, cannot hear you sir Cannot hear you whisper Cannot, Cannot hear you sir Cannot hear you whisper |
07-02-2006, 07:16 AM | #2 (permalink) | |
a l'amou fou pou tout
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: NY
Posts: 355
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Quote:
Underlined = what??? don't you mean upon, how can you be inside it? IMO, you should think of a better chorus, and fix up the last two lines of the Blue stanza |
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07-05-2006, 04:29 PM | #4 (permalink) |
isfckingdead
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 18,967
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fooks sake, I didn't know which of your songs to comment on first.
I like it, im kind of jealious cause all your stuff rhymes/flows well which I suck with. I don't like the 'Wishing I could shout' like, shout out loud? Or something should be added 'cause it seems kind of weak to me. |
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