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Old 12-01-2007, 11:10 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Songs and Daughters

)))))))))))))
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There’s something about seeing this city at night
Where we can say what we want and do what we like.
These streets are empty but we don't feel alone,
We can run in the dark and sleep on the roads.

Last edited by Dizzys in the wolf; 08-20-2009 at 03:00 PM.
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Old 12-10-2007, 05:59 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Erase it. There's no form to it, and I don't really see a story.
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I think I know much better than you ever will how Mettalica is. I used to play for 2 years in a Mettalica cover band.



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Old 12-10-2007, 11:18 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Its about a relationship I was in with a boy while he was dating another girl and how people reacted to me being part of it all and how it affected me. The story is in there, and the form is there. If you read it you'll see that I even said it is a Sonnet.
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There’s something about seeing this city at night
Where we can say what we want and do what we like.
These streets are empty but we don't feel alone,
We can run in the dark and sleep on the roads.
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Old 12-10-2007, 07:26 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I give it a 0.5/10.
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I think I know much better than you ever will how Mettalica is. I used to play for 2 years in a Mettalica cover band.



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Old 12-10-2007, 07:28 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Erase it. There's no form to it, and I don't really see a story.
So? Half the stuff posted in here rated highly is cliche crap that all runs along the same woe-is-me-watch-as-i-cut-myself. This is not only refreshing but one of the best things I've seen in here in awhile.
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Ive seen you on muiltipul forums saying Metallica and slayer are the worst **** you kid go suck your **** while you listen to your ****ing emo **** I bet you do listen to emo music
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Old 12-10-2007, 07:34 PM   #6 (permalink)
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If I recall, you're the one who'd rather have this entire thing turned into one big poetry fest. I'm here for music, and nothing else. I don't like lyrics unless they tell a story, and flow well with music. I'll rate the songs, and I'll leave you to give good marks on the poems.
This one has absolutely no story in it, and if it does, it's one only the author can perceive. To each his own opinion.
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I think I know much better than you ever will how Mettalica is. I used to play for 2 years in a Mettalica cover band.



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Old 12-10-2007, 07:36 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I fail to see a problem with that. I'd rather have something so vague and pretty you can't understand it than something so blunt it looks like it was written by a five year old with no grasp on imagery or metaphors.
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Ive seen you on muiltipul forums saying Metallica and slayer are the worst **** you kid go suck your **** while you listen to your ****ing emo **** I bet you do listen to emo music
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Old 12-10-2007, 07:41 PM   #8 (permalink)
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This is coming from the same man who'd usually rip someone a new ass for rhyming. Every last word of this piece of work, rhymes with the last word of the next line. Be consistant, even if it is in judgement. Personally, that doesn't bother me nearly as much, if it's in such a slow pace that it flows nicely. But I see no flow to it, and I'd rate this no different if even you had posted it. But if you like it, then cheers to you. Not my cup of tea.
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I think I know much better than you ever will how Mettalica is. I used to play for 2 years in a Mettalica cover band.



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Old 12-10-2007, 07:42 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Yeah because I find banal lyrics coupled with banal rhyming to be awful.
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Ive seen you on muiltipul forums saying Metallica and slayer are the worst **** you kid go suck your **** while you listen to your ****ing emo **** I bet you do listen to emo music
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Old 12-11-2007, 09:07 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I like it too, got an abstract feel to it... I feel like this could be a very psych. lo-fi song in the vein of Low. I don't like the last couplet.
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