|12-01-2007, 05:18 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Mar 2006
snow on the heart of elders
Living with a cold sore on the heart of gratitude
you take me with no surprise
that you dont feel love anymore.
at least not with me.
you brought yourself to a black hole.
that will never close again.
i wake up in the morning to rain or sunlight
and whenever i see you standing there
i automatically get a shock to my skin
to get out and get away from you as fast as i can
because i dont want to have a day where i cant survive
you dont see it in my eyes
but i cant live anymore with you guiding me
because whatever you believe is wrong
its something i am
theres nothing i can do with you looking
because i cant walk with you
Last edited by under; 12-01-2007 at 07:29 PM.
|12-01-2007, 07:00 PM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Somewhere in the U.S
1st stanza, its kinda just one big long sentence, try to break it up a bit
2nd stanza, beautiful! great emotion there
3rd and 4th stanza, this is great it has a depth too it that makes it insane.
A soul in tension thats learning to fly
Condition grounded but determined to try
Cant keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit