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Old 01-08-2008, 03:26 AM   #1 (permalink)
Groupie
 
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Default Review Please

cool wind on water
chasing waves in winter
and echoing endlessly
in the misty morning haze

waves lift and linger
rolling lost and landing
when at last they reach the sand
the ocean pulls them back

the sand on the shore
moving silently and softly
stretches to water’s edge
and gives in to the sea

i am the wind on the ocean
and the waves on the sea
and the sand on water’s edge
remember how I tried…

Comments, questions, and critiques are welcome and appreciatted!
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Old 01-10-2008, 09:48 AM   #2 (permalink)
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interesting. maybe im just stupid, but if you are the ocean, and the sand, when you "stretch out to water's edge and give in to the sea", are you giving in to yourself?
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Old 01-10-2008, 10:05 PM   #3 (permalink)
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^ That'd be good if the poem was about temptation, though if it is it should be clearer.
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Old 01-11-2008, 02:57 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PaperHurricanesAndPlanes View Post
^ That'd be good if the poem was about temptation, though if it is it should be clearer.
I think this poem can be interpreted differently. You're right it can be about temptation. It could also be about striving for something that you know you might never acheive. You're doing something that shouldn't be done. The wind blows across the ocean, but ends up echoing on the beach. The waves travel toward land, but when they get there, the ocean pulls them back. The sand travels up to the water's edge, but gives in to the sea. They'd all like to go on forever, but it wasn't meant to happen like that. But that doesn't mean they aren't going to try. The wind's always gonna blow, the waves are always rolling in, etc.

I think as long as you think about it, it's pretty clear. But that might just be because I wrote it. It might not be so clear to someone who's just reading it. So if you have any ideas or suggestions on making it clearer or improving it in any way, I'm welcome to them.
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