When I have writer's block I often get inspiration form the stories of others...I only have so much that i can write from my point of view or my experiences...Being able to put myseld in the shoes of others so to speak has given me some of my best stuff...but it is different for everyone of course.

^ Exactly!

There is nothing wrong with writing someone else's story for lyrics or poetry. Sometimes it even makes the writing process more interesting.

It wasn't advice, I was just saying I liked it.

You on the other hand seem to think that song lyrics should be written in a conversational manner, and that complexity is a drawback.

bad advice. I enjoy a level of deepness and having to think some. It gets you more involved in the song and the emotion if you are thinking about it more. also reading from other poets works can help inspire you.

Oppositionized
 

Lost in anguished reveries;
Finite flurries of sentiment.
Fathoming worlds past rational perception,
Undreamt by the naked mind.

Lucid nightmares fight for broadcast,
Fearful daydreams their only hindrance.

Dormantly restless in hectic tranquility
You've sewn your sheets with moldy rainbows
And day old fantasies.

this is extremely wordy, but other than not entirely understanding what you're trying to say it isn't bad.
The last stanza is brilliant though :)

Haven't posted lyrics in awhile. Come on people. Praise me.
PS- If you could help me come up with titles that'd be awesome.
--------------------------

We smoked cigarettes down old dirt roads
Our feet in the freezing lake
Watching our lives on the water's reflection
Dancing with every ache.

We'd disappear for hours at a time
Just lying in a field
Nothing free from our curious minds
No wish stayed concealed.

Walking by the bridge we bitched about our fathers
Til we were out of breath
We planned our wedding days and danced down the sidewalk
Til no sun was left.

But you can't see just right with the moon in your eyes.

I would hide in bed wishing to be lovely
Soak my face with tears
But nothing could quite replace your ready shoulders
Nothing's changed throughout the years.

We laughed about that lonely highway
"Let's hitchhike out of here
With friends for family and no set direction
Let's just have someone else steer."

I'm sad for what is gone, I'm sad for what is there
When the night begins to fall
Courage is found on the desolate hillside
Or just past this wall.

But you can't see just right with the moon in your eyes.

That town is a drain; it'll suck you dry
If you don't get away
Yeah that town is a drain, even once you've gone
Your heart still remains.

Now all these sedatives are keeping me awake
And I can't breath for all this air
A pretty noose will strangle you with it's beauty
A predetermined snare.

Is it a guilty mind that's causing this sick stomache
Or just this empty bottle of booze?
I've been watching life on the surface of new waters
But all I see is you.

But you can't see just right with the moon in your eyes

Fucktastic stuff, the whole flow is very alive.

Thanks, I'm glad you think so. Any suggestions for a title?

You could go with the obvious " The moon in your eyes" , or not. I was also thinking "Tracks in the Snow" or something.

Hmm... Tracks in the Snow has my attention.

I know exactly how you feel. Perfect poem in almost every way.

peace,
-nick

I'm trying to think of a title that isn't cliche.

But for now, the first thing that came into my mind is "Nostalgia."

Spelling?

Bird Cage? --still pretty cheesy, but it does fit the meaning quite well.

Hi wolverinewolfweiselpigeon,
I'm making my way through your songs/poems from the beginning and so haven't focused yet on your new one! I especially enjoyed your emotional poem based on your very vivid dream (those are fascinating when they happen) and agree with reviewers who felt it would be even stronger without the repetition of the fact that it is a dream. The lines I put in bold (above) stick with me the most...they create a lovely image that reminds me of the reality I always appreciate in my life when I see it (the pattern of shadows and light filtering down through leaves of trees as the wind sways them).

Your hopeful offer of love in the bottle metaphor song is very sweet. This song captures the feeling of excitement and trepidation, the hope and some fear, as one offers oneself up to someone else, never knowing if life will go the way one hopes (since so much is out of our control) but hoping it will!

Though the idea of a bottle containing a message is similar to the Police's "message in a bottle song" as one person commented, the tone and feeling of your song seem very different: the speaker sounds innocent and daring, inviting the beloved to recognize the treasure offered. I don't actually remember anything about the Police's "message in a bottle" song except for that line ("message in a bottle") and the tune, which I never really cared for. Your song, though, sticks in my memory. You use great details...for example, you don't just "put" the cork in the bottle, but you tighten it, which instantly makes me imagine the way a cork feels as you twist it and feel it giving slightly against the hard glass of a bottle. Also, you do a very good job maintaining a rhyming pattern (without being strict about it) and a consistent meter.

--Erica

Wow, thanks a lot. I'm speechless...

Stop being speechless cause I wanna see some more of your wonderful work.


=P

I dunno, 'Peversion' maybe? I liked it a lot, very nice flow.

I'm working on something now but am having trouble finishing the lyrics, so if anyone has any ideas, suggestions, etc please help me out.

What I have so far:

I packed my bags two days after my high school graduation
And said goodbye to my hometown without much hesitation
I jumped a plane to SFO in my determination
And made my way through the north bay with sense of liberation

My sister said I left due to lack of appreciation
Dad cried out "abandonment" toned with intimidation
But they can't steal the thrill I feel negating expectation
And guilt trips call for too much fuel and duel cooperation


I was considering using the "ation" rhyme throughout the entire song, but a lot of songs do that and I don't want to rip anyone off. I also am unsure what to have for the bridge/chorus, so if you have any ideas let me know. :)

Here's the recording of what I have so far. The lyrics stop about a minute in, so don't feel obliged to listen to the whole track, the rest is just filler until I finish the lyrics. Oh, and I'm not a singer so please keep your insults to yourself. ;) Untitled.

EDIT: Still don't know what to do for the chorus but I finished up the lyrics -

You looked right in my face and said you don't deserve resentment
That night when you disowned me, yeah, you said you never meant it
So I promised my forgiveness and you filled up with contentment
But I had my fingers crossed inside the pockets of my jacket

You always said that anger's justified when provocation's present
I grew up knowing you were wrong, accepting the unpleasent
But now today three states away I'm calling you pathetic
And if the whole world shit on you it's only cause you let it

I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be ripping anyone off if you decided to take on that form of poetry.
On top of that, I believe there's a name for it.
I like the general idea of it, but I'm not fond of the form in general.
I can't download the file cause of where I am right now, but I'll try later in the month when i go home. >.<

I like both, I actually love the second one. It's very.. emotive, yet harsh. Which I like, emotive in part where you had "But I had my fingers crossed inside the pockets of my jacket" and harsh "And if the whole world shit on you it's only cause you let it" I like those lines best, the first one cause it symbolises hope to me, and the second I feel like it's a rebellion, and you feel anger towards the person its directed at. Good work :D Also, I'm no music critic so I don't really know, thats just what it's like to me though, hope it helps :)

Thanks, Kayleigh, I really appreciate it.
I should have a link up for the finished song by the end of the week.

Almost final version of that song: Negating Expectations.rar

Edit: Ok, updated the song again tonight... hopefully for the last time. Dropped the harmonizing vocals found in the last version. Let me know which is better.
Version 3: http://www.mediafire.com/?gtwmg5xnhty

Nevermind. I won't make you go through the whole downloading process.

Super good! Didn't know you had it in ya' Wolvey.

Thank you! :D

I didn't know there's other versions now ... I only saw the first half of the song made, and I really liked it then. Listening to the other version right now, but waiting for the buffering.

*Good that writer's block is out of the way now.

I listened to this on YouTube when you posted it, I have to say... I love it! :) Great job, and I hope to hear more.

Thanks so much, Kate, that means a lot. I'll keep you updated for sure.

I loved the second part, much stronger lyrics while keeping the same kind of "whatever" sound to it.
Plus Lovely cough at the beginning, just what every song really needs.

However, why is your voice 100% panned to the Left?
My headphones were tickling me very badly lol !

Shit... because the program automatically pans everything to the left for some reason and I forgot to fix it. Gah. I think I'm going to redo the vocals AGAIN though, so rest assured that the very last final version of this song will create even headphone tickling.

Recorded this tonight, only a first draft so it's subject to change but feedback would be appreciated!

This link is NumberNineDream approved:
Metaphors of Toast.rar

*Stamp of approval*

I watched the YouTube video a few days, and I actually thought it was brilliant, I watched it a few times also. I was realllly impressed. I'm looking forward to seeing some more :).

Oh hai guys. You can now listen to these songs and more on my band's myspace page. =D

Lawn Chronicles on MySpace Music - Free Streaming MP3s, Pictures & Music Downloads

You changed your name to Lawn Chronicles?????

Yep. We really liked Metaphors for Toast but there's already and band called Toast. So we were going to change it to Without Bread, but there's already a band called Land Without Bread. So we picked Lawn Chronicles and so far we like it more. :D

Alright it's acceptable. This is actually very funny because when I was dreaming about starting a band I was brainstorming names and I actually thought Toast would be a great name. But then someone burst my bubble and told me there already was one:(

I'm considering The Wrinkles though.

I have to edit my library now.. oh my!

Checking the myspace page for now, feedback later...

Later:

Great job on Influences and Sounds Like :rofl:
The connection isn't working much, so I'm not being able to hear the songs, but still looking forward to them.
Feedback on the songs laterer.

Wow…I’m not really sure how I missed this (probably because I don’t visit the songwriting forum too often), but I’m incredibly happy to have stumbled upon it today. I listened to the three songs on your Myspace page, all good, but my favorite is Negating Expectiations. The lyrics in bold were especially moving. Good going girl!

Oh, and I’m glad you decided not to go with the "ation" rhyme throughout the song. I can’t speak for anyone else obviously, but I feel like it would have lessened the impact and meaning of the lyrics considerably.

I'm most definitely looking forward to hearing more. :)