Some words that've been bouncing around my head.(comment plz) (Hang)

Coozer · 10-06-2008, 03:34 PM

Im pretty new to this whole music creation stuff. Been working at it for about 2 months. But yeah here are some words that have been bouncing around my head. Your opinion on them is greatly appreciated.

Screaming silently
Into this abyss
Of my own conscienceless
And its making me sick
and im pissed
Wish for death
Of my own
All alone
In this world
And tis cold.
Bleeding out
All the sorrow and grief
This belief
That im boiling inside
Is just me
You can see
Through this rough skin.
The man who has not been.
This is the story of me.
You can see.

~~Fyrenza~~ · 10-11-2008, 02:07 PM

nice poem

i think you might have meant
conscienciouslessness
but that really isn't a word
so you might substitute something like 'madness'

also might change 'wish' to 'wishing' to maintain your grammatical tenses

good job!

10-06-2008, 03:34 PM	#1 (permalink)
Coozer Groupie Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 4	Some words that've been bouncing around my head.(comment plz) Im pretty new to this whole music creation stuff. Been working at it for about 2 months. But yeah here are some words that have been bouncing around my head. Your opinion on them is greatly appreciated. Screaming silently Into this abyss Of my own conscienceless And its making me sick and im pissed Wish for death Of my own All alone In this world And tis cold. Bleeding out All the sorrow and grief This belief That im boiling inside Is just me You can see Through this rough skin. The man who has not been. This is the story of me. You can see.

10-11-2008, 02:07 PM	#2 (permalink)
~~Fyrenza~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: high above the Republic of Texas Posts: 216	nice poem i think you might have meant conscienciouslessness but that really isn't a word so you might substitute something like 'madness' also might change 'wish' to 'wishing' to maintain your grammatical tenses good job!