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Old 10-16-2008, 02:03 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy "We've All Been Here, And It Just SUX!"

Just
feeling a little used, abused and refused...

We've All Been Here, And It Just SUX!
~ yet another feeble attempt at poetry by www (aka weird wendy winthrope)

Made a run through the night into austin
for an order of mushrooms and herb.
The prices were set, the ‘have-nots’ would get ~
Then Greed stomped me down like a turd.

First, it would cost me like usual –
three-fifty to four-and-a-quarter –
but as the miles flew, their avarice grew
And each stop made my bankroll grow shorter.

At last! Almost done! i exhaled
(my ‘friend,’ to my mind now “King DICK”)
When, finally ~ aghast ~ i stopped for more cash
The FUCKER ripped-off half a brick!!!

And here is the thing that just kilz me
When i went in to get the more cash?
I picked up some blunts, though after just once
i wouldn’t touch the things with YOUR ass!

So ~ while I’m in getting a gift
This person is showing me just
How little he thinks of my friendship ~ (eye blinks)
Now my mind and my heart feel crushed.

Uhhh... Oh, yeah. “The End”

Last edited by WendyCal; 10-17-2008 at 08:31 PM.
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Old 10-16-2008, 05:37 PM   #2 (permalink)
Ba and Be.
 
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Putting brackets into a free flowing 'rhyme' disturbs the flow somewhat. That and the fact that is not very good means that it won't illicit many responses.
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Old 10-16-2008, 06:47 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Wink



It's not very good because i dashed it together in about 15 mins this morning!!!

It's just a little blowing-off-some-steam ditty so i wasn't exactly expecting any compliments ~ just hoping it might entertain for a moment, and i did try to write it in a humorous vein.

Perhaps if i'd titled it something like:

"We've All Been Here, And It Sure Enough SUX"

the fact that its crap would have announced itself immediately.
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Old 10-17-2008, 03:41 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I like poems about illegalities. It's not very good, no good flow, rhymes not good... but. I can't resist smiling at poems about drugs or booze/drug-addicts/alcoholics. It was humorous but not in the way you wanted it to be LOL
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Old 10-17-2008, 04:09 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Well, good! i'm glad you enjoyed it!

AND, i was hoping you'd reply to this!

i haven't replied to any of yours because i just don't get them, so anything i have to say would just be bullshit, and it looked like you were taking enough of that from other folks, so...

Anyway, glad you smiled and/or laughed ~ and whether it was at me, or with me, i got what i wanted!
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Old 10-17-2008, 05:00 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Hahaha. Go ahead, reply to mine, boost my ego (or lackof ha). Mine are mostly about repressed anger or alcoholism, prostution. The dark side of things. I alwaya take **** off folks, I'm rather used to it, doesn't bother me. I'm glad you got what you wanted haha
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Old 10-17-2008, 07:23 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Oh, wow ~ no.

When i said i didn't get your poetry,
i meant that, like, i have no idea of the refs you make to people because i don't know the first thing about their lives or circumstances.

There are no tips nor helps i could give you, and a critique would just be how i felt about the actual words you used.

i don't care for dark allusions very much, so unless all i wanted to do was hurt your feelers, i really have no business replying to your poetry. i'm sorry, because i DO feel pretty strongly about it ~ when people share something as personal as a piece of writing, they are opening themselves to you, letting you look inside, and it's real hard to accept someone picking away at your 'baby,' especially if they don't know the first thing about the methods, background, etc., that you're basing the whole thing on.
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Old 10-18-2008, 08:55 AM   #8 (permalink)
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That's ok Wendy, I'm glad you understand though
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