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Old 12-18-2009, 05:02 PM   #61 (permalink)
hot girl summer
 
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I love the new stuff, especially the last stanza of Work it Off. Yay, I'm glad to see you back!
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I wasn’t writing a haiku. Just because you want one doesn’t mean you’re going to get one.
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Old 12-19-2009, 01:24 AM   #62 (permalink)
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Thanks!
I've been working pretty hard the last six months so hopefully I have improved.
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Old 12-19-2009, 01:32 AM   #63 (permalink)
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Default Self Righteous & Bold

Turn the light, turn the light on me.
You know,
I don't want to be alone.
Turn the light, turn the light off please,
I love you,
Even thought you don't like to know I care.

I%
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Last edited by FireInCairo; 01-05-2010 at 01:28 AM.
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Old 12-23-2009, 07:39 AM   #64 (permalink)
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You're one hell of a writer, wow. I wanna read more.
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Old 12-25-2009, 02:44 PM   #65 (permalink)
Music?! Lets boogie!
 
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Dear God, you are going places my friend. Your use of allusion is masterful, truely. I can clearly see your improvement from the beginning of the thread to the last few you posted (yes, i read through the entire thread just now ha.. it was worth it )

Occasionally you use "advanced" vocabulary in a manner that may possibly dull the overall effect of the song (although, this depends on how it is sung, i haven't had a chance to listen just yet). Consider placing these words (I think you use the names of poisens more than once) very carefully to emphasize the beauty of the language without getting showy with the fact that you do in fact know big words. Really though, this is a very nit-picky critisism, you didn't overuse the vocab at all.

Oy, i can't wait until i can listen to this music...

EDIT: hmm, i was dissappointed by the single recording I saw... mainly because of the recording quality, which i know isn't really your fault, and because I think maybe these powerful lyrics should have more of a front seat in the music. You could make people get some serious shivers up and down the spines if you used the voice as an instrument, really. Going into some minor discords on some of those more chilling lines and "mm" you could have something big. If you get the band versions recorded let me know, I'd be way interested. hmm..im going to have to ponder you.
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Old 12-25-2009, 07:00 PM   #66 (permalink)
i write and play stuff
 
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good lyrics albeit typified music. i look forward to hearing more.
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Old 12-29-2009, 05:38 AM   #67 (permalink)
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How many songs do you want to compose with these lyrics ?
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Old 01-05-2010, 01:21 AM   #68 (permalink)
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Hey.
Thanks for the praise and criticism is duly noted.

The recording up there is shocking and I am very lazy when it comes to diy recording.
My drummer and guitarist are both overseas at the moment so we'll have to wait a while but I'll be getting around to doing an album soon.
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Old 01-05-2010, 01:23 AM   #69 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by duncan View Post
How many songs do you want to compose with these lyrics ?

I'm not really sure what your question means?
Each post or titled song is an individual song.
I generally put songs up when I finish writing them....so these lyrics are in fact already songs.
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Old 01-05-2010, 01:42 AM   #70 (permalink)
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Default Go easy this time

Go easy this time

The gin got warm.
Cate in a long shawl came through the door,
& knelt to pray for empathy.
"We need to go easy on this"
He intones, "this collar it chokes me but I digress.

We need to go easy this time,
Or the sun and the moon may cease to shine.
We need to go easy this time,
So we can at least say we tried."

Shelter from the storm.
That girl was long gone before we could reach her,
She had walked out the door.
"we need to go easy on this;"
She said as she left, "the clouds have gathered and I meant,

We need to go easy this time,
Or the sun and the moon may cease to shine.
We need to go easy this time, So we can at least say we tried."
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