|12-06-2008, 11:42 AM||#1 (permalink)|
you are freakin out, man
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: ajax, ontario
Body Of Water
This is one of my band's songs, tell me whachu think. crit 4 crit!
Body of Water
So here we find ourselves, more alive than ever
Everything we are is reaching out for something better
We can trust only eachother, lost within a crowd
Thats gathered to betray the only joy we've ever found
They tell us that it's never too late for us to be cured
But how could anything be more divine or be more pure?
So here lay their saviour
Still not even a man
With their hope in his heart
And his heart in my hands
I wish i could tell you it will be alright,
we'll be together if we can survive.
So if i could tell you that dreams don't come true,
Could you smile knowing i never once dreamt of you?
And if there was no other way to be free,
would you follow me into the sea?
'Cause i just don't know
If i can stand
Staining our salvation
with the blood on my hands
So now every breath
That I take blurs the line.
This body of water,
This body of mine.
|12-07-2008, 07:35 AM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Troy side'ah the dirt, NY
At first I didn't like it, thought it was gonna be really redundant... but towards the middle it started to charm me. I like the last two stanzas the most... but the beginning rhyming needs some work, it's rather predictable.
PS. I'm taking you up on that crit for crit.
... Stalin had a FANTASTIC moustache.
Formerly known as the Prime Minister of Spain.
Last edited by Wifey Boozer; 12-07-2008 at 11:05 AM.