|12-26-2008, 01:10 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Sep 2008
I've got to leave
These are some lyrics I wrote after being inspired by knockin' on heaven's door.
Can’t seem to stay I’ve got to go,
My shirt is stained, torn all up there
I tried to go against the flow,
It was a chance I thought I’d dare.
I feel cold I’ve got to go,
Got to step on that shining stair,
There’s no more pain I’ll ever know.
Though it may seem like it’s unfair.
Got to go I can’t stay here,
I’ll be happy don’t you fear,
Leave me here in the dirt,
After this I can’t get hurt,
Oooooo, I’ve got to go [fade out]
Do you think I need to expand it? I'm also wondering if the lack of chorus is any problem....
I'd appreciate any replies you have.
Last edited by clockworkmice; 12-26-2008 at 03:01 PM.
|12-30-2008, 03:25 PM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: Dec 2008
It's really good. You're rhyming pattern changes which messes with the flow a little though. Other than that I envy your work.
My life was like a fairytale . . . Except I left Mr. Charming for his sister
Last edited by deep_and_depressing; 01-02-2009 at 01:20 PM.