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Old 12-26-2008, 01:10 PM   #1 (permalink)
clockworkmice's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 27
Default I've got to leave

These are some lyrics I wrote after being inspired by knockin' on heaven's door.

Can’t seem to stay I’ve got to go,
My shirt is stained, torn all up there
I tried to go against the flow,
It was a chance I thought I’d dare.

I feel cold I’ve got to go,
Got to step on that shining stair,
There’s no more pain I’ll ever know.
Though it may seem like it’s unfair.

Got to go I can’t stay here,
I’ll be happy don’t you fear,
Leave me here in the dirt,
After this I can’t get hurt,


Oooooo, I’ve got to go [fade out]

Do you think I need to expand it? I'm also wondering if the lack of chorus is any problem....

I'd appreciate any replies you have.

Last edited by clockworkmice; 12-26-2008 at 03:01 PM.
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Old 12-30-2008, 03:25 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 73

It's really good. You're rhyming pattern changes which messes with the flow a little though. Other than that I envy your work.
My life was like a fairytale . . . Except I left Mr. Charming for his sister

Last edited by deep_and_depressing; 01-02-2009 at 01:20 PM.
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Old 01-12-2009, 08:18 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Location: New York.
Posts: 3,024

I feel like a chorus adds a familiarity to it.

But it's unique without one.
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