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Old 07-19-2011, 12:03 AM   #281 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by VEGANGELICA View Post
"Wring" shows my reasons for choosing to be vegan.

This vegan song has special meaning to me because it gives glimpses of experiences I had when I was five years old and first realized the horror of how people mistreat animals. Also, I am fond of the recording because I recorded the cello part the day after I received my Cheap Chinese Cello in the mail. I was so excited to be playing a cello that I wanted to use it right away in a song!
I like the cello and I sympathise with the message but I'm not sure it would reach anyone who wasn't already like-minded. I'd say if your motivation is to reach people who aren't already on-side you might need to be a little more subtle about it. I have enjoyed reading what you have posted. It does seem well written which leads me to believe that you would be more than capable of fashioning some sort of emotive narrative that might draw people in and allow them the chance to empathise.
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Old 07-19-2011, 12:41 AM   #282 (permalink)
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I like the cello and I sympathise with the message but I'm not sure it would reach anyone who wasn't already like-minded. I'd say if your motivation is to reach people who aren't already on-side you might need to be a little more subtle about it. I have enjoyed reading what you have posted. It does seem well written which leads me to believe that you would be more than capable of fashioning some sort of emotive narrative that might draw people in and allow them the chance to empathise.
Those are all great points and I agree with you. Thank you very much for your thoughtful feedback, fazstp.

A little explanation might help here: I didn't intend "Wring" to be a song that converts others to vegetarianism. I wrote that song based on some of my childhood memories and experiences since then with how I see people think about and treat livestock animals.

It is a song of hatred.

I am still pissed that when I was a child I was told I had to eat an animal who was killed before my eyes, or have no dinner. I feel that one of my strongest actions in life was, as a 5-year-old, to choose to have no dinner when faced with that awful choice.

I feel that treating animals and killing them in the ways shown in the video is an atrocity, and I am saddened that children are raised not to care. I am saddened that *I* was raised not to care about animals, and no one around me cared, and I had to do all the caring on my own, alone.
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Originally Posted by Neapolitan:
If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"

Last edited by VEGANGELICA; 07-19-2011 at 01:00 AM.
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Old 07-19-2011, 02:28 AM   #283 (permalink)
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I wrote that song based on some of my childhood memories and experiences since then with how I see people think about and treat livestock animals.

It is a song of hatred.
Ok fair enough then
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Old 08-29-2011, 04:22 PM   #284 (permalink)
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Hello again, MB.

Earlier I posted lyrics for a song about coping when someone leaves you: http://www.musicbanter.com/song-writ...ml#post1044285.

Here are lyrics for a song that tells the story from the vantage point of the person doing the leaving:

********************************************

“Tango” by Erica

I love being your friend
too much to pretend
to feel more than I do
even though I love you.
I’m not giving you my best –
I keep my heart, you get the rest.

Oh it’s hard for me to say,
so much is going our way,
but it’s the wrong way for me.

You know that I’ve tried
but it’s no use to hide
I willed myself to stay,
but my love won’t obey.
I can’t rekindle what never burned
and it’s a sad way we’ve learned

it takes two to tango
and one to let go.

Oh it’s hard for me to say,
so much is going our way,
but it’s the wrong way for me.

I should have known
when I never wanted to slow dance,
I should have known
when I never felt much romance,
I should have known
as I lay in the dark
what I missed between us
is feeling a spark.

I can’t play the partner’s part any more
when we both want more.

I don’t want to leave you
and believe me I grieve, too,
but I’ve no wish to deceive you
when I see I can’t offer my all,
and you deserve all.

I thought love would suffice –
our friendship’s so nice –
yet my feelings hold back
like the passion we lack.
I’m not giving you my best.
I keep my heart, you get the rest.

It takes two to tango
and one to let go.

Oh, it’s hard for me to say,
so much is going our way,
but it’s the wrong way for me.

It’s hard for me to say -
so much is going our way -
but it’s the wrong way for me.

********************************************
I've been there before. Trying to be madly in love with someone and realizing that it's not something you can force, thus you just can't be in love with them (that's what I got from it, correct me if I'm wrong.)

I really enjoyed the stanza's...

Quote:
You know that I’ve tried
but it’s no use to hide
I willed myself to stay,
but my love won’t obey.
I can’t rekindle what never burned
and it’s a sad way we’ve learned
...and...

Quote:
Oh, it’s hard for me to say,
so much is going our way,
but it’s the wrong way for me.
They really get your point across quite beautifully.


I do have one issue with this, though, and it may remind you of something you've tried to help me with a few times. In the stanza...

Quote:
I don’t want to leave you
and believe me I grieve, too,
but I’ve no wish to deceive you
when I see I can’t offer my all,
and you deserve all
.
... you use the word "all" twice, a little bit too close to eachother. And maybe it's not that big a deal 'cause they're both used at the end of consecutive lines, and can be considered as healthy repetition to get the point across, as opposed to a lack of creativity. I'd much rather the second "all" be "more", but that's just my opinion.
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Old 09-02-2011, 08:02 AM   #285 (permalink)
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I've been there before. Trying to be madly in love with someone and realizing that it's not something you can force, thus you just can't be in love with them (that's what I got from it, correct me if I'm wrong.)
I really enjoyed the stanza's...

...and...

They really get your point across quite beautifully.

I do have one issue with this, though, and it may remind you of something you've tried to help me with a few times. In the stanza...

... you use the word "all" twice, a little bit too close to eachother. And maybe it's not that big a deal 'cause they're both used at the end of consecutive lines, and can be considered as healthy repetition to get the point across, as opposed to a lack of creativity. I'd much rather the second "all" be "more", but that's just my opinion.
Whoops! I completely missed that you'd posted this, Slj! Thank you for reading. You got the meaning perfectly.

Thanks also for the suggestion about changing one of the all's to avoid repetition. I agree with you, but I feel kind of stuck without a solution that satisfies me completely, because I really do feel that a person whom one loves deserves "all" and I don't want to change that, yet if I write, "I've no wish to deceive you when I see I can't offer you more, and you deserve all," then I will have repeated "more" (which I used twice up above these lines...another repetition).

When I wrote these lyrics I was playing around with repetition, which is the reason I used "more...more" and "all...all." I hope it will come across as healthy repetition rather than lack of creativity but I understand your opinion completely. I'll brood on it.

Thanks again!
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Originally Posted by Neapolitan:
If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"
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Old 09-09-2011, 02:17 PM   #286 (permalink)
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Whoops! I completely missed that you'd posted this, Slj! Thank you for reading. You got the meaning perfectly.
That's prefectly fine. I didn't even notice. I haven't been on mb since posting that, so it makes no difference to me.

Quote:
Thanks also for the suggestion about changing one of the all's to avoid repetition. I agree with you, but I feel kind of stuck without a solution that satisfies me completely, because I really do feel that a person whom one loves deserves "all" and I don't want to change that, yet if I write, "I've no wish to deceive you when I see I can't offer you more, and you deserve all," then I will have repeated "more" (which I used twice up above these lines...another repetition).

When I wrote these lyrics I was playing around with repetition, which is the reason I used "more...more" and "all...all." I hope it will come across as healthy repetition rather than lack of creativity but I understand your opinion completely. I'll brood on it.
That's all I can ask. Just go with whatever feels right to you; if you like it, then it is as it should be.

Quote:
Thanks again!
Of course!

Keep writing, my friend. It gets better each and every time I come in here.
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Old 10-10-2011, 08:37 AM   #287 (permalink)
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Default "Freethinker" song

Hello MB people,

I finally finished recording the song for the "Freethinker" lyrics that I wrote over a year ago, when I was inspired to create a song about atheism due to my interactions with a fellow atheist here at MusicBanter: http://www.musicbanter.com/song-writ...tml#post823612

This is the second song in which I play my Cheap Chinese Cello, recorded in one of the final tracks that I added.

Also noteworthy (to me! ) is that this is the first song in which I attempted a soft growl. A whisper, really...but a little growly, if you listen carefully. I discovered that a full-out death growl (Death growl - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) makes me hack, so I compromised by growling gently:

"Freethinker" by Erica



* * * * *

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sljslj View Post
Keep writing, my friend. It gets better each and every time I come in here.
Thanks for the encouragement, Slj.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neapolitan:
If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"

Last edited by VEGANGELICA; 10-13-2011 at 02:01 AM. Reason: I added additional panning to some tracks in the song to make them stand out more
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Old 10-10-2011, 01:42 PM   #288 (permalink)
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With the growls you have to stomach more than your throat. If you create the bulk of the bulk of the rasp in your throat, you end up with it sore or scratchy, and it's harder to keep the sound of it consistent for very long. Learning to use your stomach to make harsh vocals isn't easy to learn, but it's totally worth it once you do.

I haven't listened to the song yet, but I will.
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Old 10-10-2011, 05:30 PM   #289 (permalink)
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With the growls you have to stomach more than your throat. If you create the bulk of the bulk of the rasp in your throat, you end up with it sore or scratchy, and it's harder to keep the sound of it consistent for very long. Learning to use your stomach to make harsh vocals isn't easy to learn, but it's totally worth it once you do.

I haven't listened to the song yet, but I will.
Thanks for the growl suggestions, Slj.

I'll try to make sure I have good air support next time I growl...but I don't know if it will help. The growling makes my throat start to tickle, and then I have to cough...kind of feels like I have to cough up a lung. I had to cough uncontrollably during the Freethinker song, even just from doing soft growling. That's the reason the growling in the chorus stops early before I reached the end!

I'll practice.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neapolitan:
If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"
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Old 10-19-2011, 01:46 PM   #290 (permalink)
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Much different from what I expected. Pretty dark sound, interesting instrumentals, good vocal harmony... but I don't like the flow of the lyrics and that really made it hard for me to fully enjoy the song. That said, I'd really like to hear more stuff like this from you.
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