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Old 11-16-2009, 04:09 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Schizophrenia

Look into the water,
tell me what you see.
A second stranger
staring back at me?

You can see the fright
reflected in my eyes.
'Cuz what you see
so confuses me.

Confusion takes you over,
and it flows to my brain.
And we're thinking us over
But we two are the same.

Schizophrenia
we suffer.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Simple song, as usual, and no ending.
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Old 11-16-2009, 05:10 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Default The Greatest Game in History!

Sherrin on a football boot
Great men in white shorts
The grandest game is fought
By the tackle, hand and foot.

The game has begun
The massive crowd screams
Players, by any means
Will compete til they've won.

The ruck' gets the ball
And kicks it to 'fifty
Opponents look shifty as the
Forward marks and falls

The fans shouts encourages
And the others all 'Boo!'
Forward checks his shoe
Then forwards he surges

He holds the ball downwards
Left arm goes up
Pulls his right foot backwards
And looks straight up.

Staring through goalposts
His right arm drops
Right leg flies forwards
And so does the ball.

Sherrin soars high and fast
Straight through the posts




-----------------------------------------------------------------
Aussie Rules Footy. Best game in the world
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Old 11-22-2009, 07:11 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FooFighting View Post
Sherrin on a football boot
Great men in white shorts
The grandest game is fought
By the tackle, hand and foot.

The game has begun
The massive crowd screams
Players, by any means
Will compete til they've won.

The ruck' gets the ball
And kicks it to 'fifty
Opponents look shifty as the
Forward marks and falls

The fans shouts encourages
And the others all 'Boo!'
Forward checks his shoe
Then forwards he surges

He holds the ball downwards
Left arm goes up
Pulls his right foot backwards
And looks straight up.

Staring through goalposts
His right arm drops
Right leg flies forwards
And so does the ball.

Sherrin soars high and fast
Straight through the posts

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Aussie Rules Footy. Best game in the world
Hi FooFighting,

I decided to comment on this poem because it appeals to me for three reasons:

(1) I don't often read poems about Australian football!
(2) I didn't know what a sherrin was, and so had to look it up and now know it is a brand of football used in Australian football.
(3) I love rhyming poetry and I like the way you have stayed quite closely to a 4-line stanza in which the 1st and 4th lines rhyme.

When I see your poem start with quite fixed rhyme scheme (such as abba), I tend to want to see that maintained throughout the poem...unless the relaxation of the rhyme scheme is to represent the frenzied chaos and the excitement of the game taking over the crowd and players! I have never watched an Australian football match, so it was fun to read something written about it by a fan/player.

--Erica
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Old 03-27-2010, 03:58 PM   #24 (permalink)
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I think some of your work is a little too lengthy...
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Old 06-03-2011, 04:56 AM   #25 (permalink)
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----------How can I permanently delete this account?
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