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Old 12-24-2009, 12:03 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Post "Goodbye" by Myself :)

Tell me what you think of the song I made recently.


"Goodbye"

Soften the words of the peaceful voice.
The one that calls me with rejoice.

Capture my fears and take them far away.
Some place better known where people are astray.

I'm scared.

Deep in the woods,
there are animals out there.

Ones that just might harm,
not that you would ever care.

I'm lost, in my thoughts.
Don't go because...

They will take you away.
And in the meadow you will lay.

Stranded.
Abandoned.
Love.

Baby, don't cry.
I know you will fly,
above.

I know that you're very far from here.
You've left, I try not to shed a tear.

It's hard, you have clue.
What God's put me through.
I've got nothing to lose.

So long,
you don't belong.
You walked out,
nobody knows about.

This love you gave me.
What you threw away.
Now all I can say.
Is one word...
Goodbye.
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Old 12-24-2009, 12:04 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I like the style you used, but I'm not sure I like the poem itself.
It's a little bit corny.
But overall, I do like it.
What was the inspiration for this?
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Old 12-24-2009, 12:10 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AwwSugar View Post
I like the style you used, but I'm not sure I like the poem itself.
It's a little bit corny.
But overall, I do like it.
What was the inspiration for this?
Yes, I have to agree with you on the 'corny'. A few bits and pieces of it are indeed corny.

One of my close friends passed away but when I was writing the lyrics I threw in a few verses that more people could relate to as if someone broke up with another. Like this verse:

'So long,
you don't belong.
You walked out,
nobody knows about.'


That one could relate to a relationship or a death of a close loved one.

I'm not sure.
Thank you for the honestly.

Last edited by KyleSchmidt; 12-24-2009 at 12:11 PM. Reason: Spelling
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Old 12-24-2009, 12:12 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I think everything's corny, though, so maybe that part shouldn't be taken too much into consideration.
I actually have this thing against rhyming, I don't know what it is.
Maybe I should stop commenting on rhyming poetry.
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Old 12-24-2009, 12:19 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Guilt

I have a few others that don't rhyme at all. Here's a poem I wrote a few months ago you might like, or not. I don't know. Ha.

"Guilt"
The pain...
This is the real thing.

The guilt is eating away my flesh.
My head is throbbing with torture.

And as the days go by, the thoughts
creep up on me like some sort of monster.

I have my doubts.
Is this me or isn't it?

I'm trapped inside this chamber.
And there is only one way out.
There is a decision to be made.

Shame is resting in my head.

Do I have the courage to make a choice?

Confusion is chasing me in my tracks,
and there is no where to hide now.

If I make the wrong choice,
I know somewhere down the road there are consequences,
whether I realize that or not.

It seems as if any choice I choose, there
is always guilt involved.
It hurts like you couldn't ever imagine.

I need to get out now.
I'll have to face the truth one day.
There is no more running.

Should I go this way or that way?
Only time can answer my questions...
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Old 12-24-2009, 12:50 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I like this one a lot better. I like that you're question everything, because that's what I do in poetry as well.

Quote:
I have my doubts.
Is this me or isn't it?
Reminds me of Kingdom Hearts.
Do you play video games? xD
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Old 12-24-2009, 12:53 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by AwwSugar View Post
I like this one a lot better. I like that you're question everything, because that's what I do in poetry as well.


Reminds me of Kingdom Hearts.
Do you play video games? xD
Ha; I play Kingdom Hearts; I don't know if I even based it off of that though. :P
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Old 12-24-2009, 12:57 PM   #8 (permalink)
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It just reminded me of the beginning of the first game.
Where he was like, "Is this real?"
xD And then it all goes into "Simple and Clean"
[=
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Old 12-24-2009, 01:03 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AwwSugar View Post
It just reminded me of the beginning of the first game.
Where he was like, "Is this real?"
xD And then it all goes into "Simple and Clean"
[=

LOL. Thats a very vivid memory from the whole series.

That whole intro is amazing.
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Old 12-24-2009, 04:11 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Hahaha, I could describe the whole thing.
Hmph.
Just didn't want to.
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