Song Critique Plx? "Oh, Karma" - Music Banter Music Banter

Go Back   Music Banter > Artists Corner > Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry
Register Blogging Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read
Welcome to Music Banter Forum! Make sure to register - it's free and very quick! You have to register before you can post and participate in our discussions with over 70,000 other registered members. After you create your free account, you will be able to customize many options, you will have the full access to over 1,100,000 posts.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-22-2010, 09:33 PM   #1 (permalink)
Groupie
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 8
Default Song Critique Plx? "Oh, Karma"

Harmer, harmer
you know this isn't me

Armor, armor
a shell, because of she

Farther, farther
away till you can't see

Karma, karma
what more am I to be?

Bitterness, better this
When my punishment undeserved,
Bitter this, betterness
I hope for change, absurd.
Betterness, bitter bliss
Only when alone,
Bitterness, better bliss
do I dread the come home.

Blame me, blame me
for reasons unknown

To see, to see
the pain to me you've shown

Feeling, feelings
disregarding my own

Karma, karma
rules apply to them alone

Bitterness, better this
When my punishment undeserved,
Bitter this, betterness
I hope for change, absurd
Betterness, bitter bliss
Only when alone,
Bitterness, better bliss
do I dread the come home.

Concerned, concerned
when our tears shed

Unheard, unheard
my cries of help have been

My word, my word
and support I gave when

Oh karma, karma
where the hell were you then?

Bitterness, better this
When my punishment undeserved,
Withered this, betterness
my hopes, like fire, burned.
Betterness, withered is
And once again, I'm alone.
Bitterness, bitterness
Oh karma, to me your face was never shown.
pnerps is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-23-2010, 04:13 AM   #2 (permalink)
i write and play stuff
 
OceanAndSilence's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 239
Default

nice stuff! seems this would go well in a killers-type tune.
__________________
http://www.myspace.com/chrisneto - tune in to chill out
OceanAndSilence is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-23-2010, 07:37 AM   #3 (permalink)
The Omniscient
 
Sljslj's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Reno, Nevada, USA
Posts: 998
Default

Not exactly my ballgame, (I'm more of a metal man) but this isn't bad at all. With the right music to go with it, you might be able to pick up a record deal (assuming that's your goal.) check my stuff out if you like.
Sljslj is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Similar Threads



© 2003-2024 Advameg, Inc.