Sljslj

I never really liked that lyric too much, nor do I like Deftones all that much, but I appreciate the compliment.

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Sljslj

Please listen to my newest song, "Cthun". It's an instrumental I did with my Lyon guitar on the Audacity recording program. Criticism is always appreciated, but please realize I have very limited resources and knowledge of the recording process. Also, there's still some editing to be done...

Download or listen to "Cthun" here.

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VEGANGELICA

Heya Sljsljsljslj,

I downloaded Cthun and didn't know what to expect, but I was curious about it especially when I read that "Cthun" is a word spoken by an unknown being from another dimension in Stephen King's short story, "N." I felt that was an interesting premise for a song.

Now, I know you only have the guitar part, and the other instruments that I *assume* you imagine aren't in "Cthun" yet, but I'll critique what I heard, which was just the electric guitar and I think a bit of synthesizer at the end (?).

I like the low growly sound of the guitar, which had nice reverb. I like how you played with some disharmonies. However, I feel that the beginning refrain lasted too long (2:41 minutes) and it feels a bit directionless to me, the chords seeming rather random. I kept waiting for the beat of rhythm guitar to kick in...*something* to pick up the pace and the energy. I feel you should shorten the beginning of the song.

Finally at 2:41 the rhythm guitar section begins (I *knew* it was coming!). I wish this had happened at around 0:40 into the song, which feels sluggish to me as it is. I also wish the rhythm section's repeated chords were a little less repetitive.

At 3:35 you repeat the slow guitar refrain, which was nice, but then at 4:12 there was some weird sound (synthesizer?) going from ear to ear. I'd get rid of that last bit entirely. It didn't seem to match the rest of the song, I felt, and I didn't like the sound much. I prefer the growly electric guitar.

Summary: the overall pace of the song felt too slow for me. I like the idea, and the heavy electric guitar part has a good sense of gravity to it (gravity as in seriousness), but I missed some energy in the piece, Slj!

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TheRavenEffect

Cthun... interesting

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"I want to be one of those people, be they writers, poets, musicians, who leaves clues for the next generation. The really good people leave clues that help feed the human race. That's my aspiration."
-Julian Casablancas

Sljslj

Yeah, the song itself is okay, but I really messed up in editing. I don't know if I'll ever come back to this song again, but if I ever do, I intend to do it right. This was hastily done and I found myself telling myself it was perfect when it was far from it. Thanks for the reviews, I appreciate it.

Now, I'm currently working on something I'm calling Legion Of Goats. It's a project containing 10 or so songs that I plan to have finished by the end of the year. Expect it to be better quality than my other songs, since I've recently come across lots of new gear.
The first song, "Awake Yet?", is nearing the recording stage. I would love to have some clean female vocals on the final cut, so if you can do it or you know someone that can, please don't be silent. If you're interested, send me a PM and I'll send you the song upon finishing it. Thank you.

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Sljslj

Here's a quick demo of "Awake Yet?"

And here's a tab with the parts included in the demo in bold:

Intro:
E|------------------------------------
a|-3---3---3---3---2---2---2
d|-2---2---2---2---2---2---2
g|-0---0---0---0---0---0---0
b|-1---1---1---0---0---1---0 (x5)
e|-0---0---0---0---0---0---0

Verse (Are you awake yet?)
E|-6---6---6---6---6---6---6---6---9---9---9---9---9---9---9--9------------0--8--0
a|-8---8---8---8---9---9---9---9--11--11--11--11-12--12--12-12--(x4)----7--8--7
d|-8---8---8---8---8---8---8---8--11--11--11--11-11--11--11-11
g|---------------------------------------------------------------------
b|---------------------------------------------------------------------
e|---------------------------------------------------------------------

Chorus (And we're off):
E|-6-h-5---8---8---7---7--6---6---6---6---6---6---6---6-h-5---8---8---8---8---6---6---6---6
a|-8-h-7---10--10--9--9--8---8---9---8---8---6---9---8-h-7--10--10--10--10--8---8---6---8
d|-8-h-7---10--10--9--9--8---8---8---8---8---6---8---8-h-7--10--10--10--10--8---8---6---8
g|----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
b|----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
e|---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

E|-7---7
a|-9---9
d|-9---9
g|-------
b|-------
e|-------

Repeat Verse w/o last three notes (Still you try to fake it)

Bridge (You're left behind):
E|-7-7-7-7--7--3--7-7-7-7--7--3--5--7 -0--8--0
a|-9-9-9-9--9--5--9-9-9-9--9--5--7--9 -7--8--7
d|-9-9-9-9--9--5--9-9-9-9--9--5--7--9 (Repeat after first "355" x3)
g|----------------------------------------
b|----------------------------------------
e|----------------------------------------

Repeat Chorus, adding this to the end (This is what you've fought for / what you get out of bed for)
E|-6--6--6--6--x--7--7
a|-8--6--8--8--x--9--9 (x8)
d|-8--6--8--8--x--9--9
g|-----------------------
b|-----------------------
e|-----------------------

Solo:
E|-------------------8----------------------------------------------------------------------------
a|-6-8-9-----------6--8-9----------6-------------------------------3p0------------3p0---------
d|--------6-8p6-6---------6-8p6-6---3--3--2------------------2p0---------------------3p2p0--
g|--------------------------------------2-------0-----2p0------------------4---------------------
b|------------------------------------------------1p0-----3-1----------------3-------------------
e|--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

E|-------------------------------------
a|---------3p0---3---------3p0----------3
d|-----2p0-------2-------------3p2p0---2
g|----------------0---4------------------0
b|-3-1-----------1-----3----------------0
e|----------------0----------------------0

Repeat Intro (You're awake and)

E|-5---5---5---2---0---3---0
a|-7---7---7---4---2---5---2
d|-7---7---7---4---2---5---2
g|----------------------------- (x6)
b|-----------------------------
e|-----------------------------

Repeat Verse

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Sljslj

LIE, THEN DIE

These are not yet dark times
But rather time for preparation
Getting ready for devastation

And once we lied, we lied
To try to hide the horns creeping in
As they poked barely through the skin

Walls topple, we sink through the floors
And pretend it was like this before
The skies fall and birds no longer fly
We trip a hundred times and stand ninety-nine

And when we’ve died, we’ve died
Inner demons find a way outside
You cannot hide from what is
What is essentially you

War is inevitable now
And it’s incredible how
We can all just ignore it

We lay where we once told a lie
Day never again rises from the night
And we die

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Sljslj

Wow, didn't realize I was already at 6,000 views. Once again, I thank you all. I am genuinely appreciative of everyone who had an input in this thread. Had I not recieved so many reviews, both the positive and negative ones, I don't think I would've kept going to this point.

I ask that you keep up with this thread throughout this new year 'cause I expect it to be beyond amazing. Even this track I'm working on now will blow a few minds, I think, and it's just the beginning.

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Sljslj

YOU SUCK

You suck
You bit a chunk from my leg
Apologized to my face
Before gnawing off my arm

Your words
“It wasn’t said but implied”
But we both know you just lied
I hope you burn

You can’t treat me
Like one of your friends
‘Cause you don’t know me
I won’t let you start my end

Your face
Like a rotten piece of meat
Your eyes are full of deceit
Take a seat, you will not stand

You suck
You suck
You ****in’ suck

You can’t treat me
Like one of your friends
‘Cause you don’t know me
I won’t let you start my end

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VEGANGELICA

Sljslj, I'd like to listen but I am leery of downloading files due to a recent costly downloading mishap that infected my computer with a nasty virus. The virus left my computer unable to boot up even in safe mode and required professionals to remove the hard drive, put it in another computer, and scan it there several times to clean. (There was a problem with my security system, it turns out--it wasn't updating--but still I want to minimize my downloading.)

Why don't you just get a MySpace so you can post all your works in progress there? Then no one has to download your music to listen; instead, they could just click on the song. It would be SO MUCH EASIER for the listener to be able to hear something with one click only and no wait time and no downloading!

I can never figure out why so many people in the songwriting section rely on downloads when you could just put up stuff on MySpace and link that in your "Contact" information about you. Having a MySpace isn't hard and I feel it would make listening to people's music *safer* and *easier* for us listeners.

However, I checked and find that there is a 23-year-old woman who already has dibs on "Sljslj" for her MySpace, and unless you're really her that would mean you'd have to get creative with your own MySpace name! Maybe SljSljSlj.

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