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Old 06-11-2018, 11:56 AM   #81 (permalink)
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Thanx for the constructive criticism. It’s always welcomed and appreciated. The insults, not so much
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Old 06-11-2018, 01:06 PM   #82 (permalink)
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Sorry

If it's any consolation, I know nothing about poetry.
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Old 10-08-2018, 09:51 PM   #83 (permalink)
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I think they're good! I think it would help to add metaphor to some though, not gonna lie
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Old 11-05-2018, 08:26 AM   #84 (permalink)
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this is good
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Old 12-13-2019, 06:30 PM   #85 (permalink)
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Default Too Long

Waking up to the sound of screaming
Realising I’m alone and I must be dreaming
I must be dreaming
I must be dreaming

And this night is too long
Too much time to think about all the things that could go wrong
Too many truths I thought I buried
Arise and rip through my mind
Revealing all that I’m dreading

Lying in the dark as my mind races,
Dragging me down to the darkest places
Leaving me to wallow in my own prison
But I’ll bury this feeling once the sun has risen

This day is too long
And I’m too weak and uninspired
to fight for things I once desired
Stumbling from moment to moment,
hoping I won’t fall apart
And every moment I don’t is a personal triumph

There’s a war in my head that I’m not winning
And I’m bound to a life that I’m barely surviving
I don’t know how to ask for help,
But then what’s the point when my scars are hidden
I guess nothing’s there if only I see the demons
I must be dreaming
I must be dreaming
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Old 12-13-2019, 07:05 PM   #86 (permalink)
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imo it’s too straightforward

It’s like a paragraph about night terrors

it should be more cryptic and less transparent

A poem about dreams should have a dreamy quality to it
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Old 12-13-2019, 10:13 PM   #87 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by OccultHawk View Post
imo it’s too straightforward

It’s like a paragraph about night terrors

it should be more cryptic and less transparent

A poem about dreams should have a dreamy quality to it
I hear you. This poem is actually about anxiety. I get what you mean about it being too straightforward though. Thanx for your input
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Old 12-14-2019, 05:31 AM   #88 (permalink)
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I disagree that the poem has to be more cryptic. Cryptic poems are cool, but making it less easily intelligible does not make it better. I partly agree with hawk though: it is a bit too straightforward, in the sense that it's not much more than a normal description of this anxiety. Think about what would distinguish a poem from normal text to make it special: interesting play and experiments with language, apt and beautiful methaphors, original ways of saying things that are difficult to express. It's cool that you're doing this, keep on writing!
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