Never Shown Lyrics Before

ThoseDazeGone · 12-20-2010, 03:53 AM

Hey guys. New to all of this, but I'm trying to make a commitment to improvin my lyrics, despite how wierd it makes me feel to just open up the notebook for strangers! No guitars or anything, I'm afraid there going to suck, but please be honest with me. Thanks!

Angels

She isn't happy riding pumpkins to the ball
I gave her front row seats to watch my kingdom fall
Watch it fall, theres fireworks and all
I dissapear just when you think you're getting close
Im so sorry baby, sorry that you fell for a ghost
A ghost
I suck at sober and I'm even worse at love
I ain't good looking but I'm really good at looking for drugs
For drugs

Just this once I want an Angel
Watching over me
Watching Over me

Only Fools fall in love, Theres no angels in this town
Just a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down
God is not around, and no angels in this town
Only fools fall in love, theres no angels in this town

If you ain't got money then you're probably gonna lose
I Pick my guitar up and them down south nasty blues
The darkest blues
Just the shoes on my feet, and the music in my soul
I'd give it up for 50 bucks and the illusion of control
Never had control
We dug a hole, six feet deep, to cover up my tracks
I'll see you at my funeral, You Bitch, You're ****ing beautiful in black
In black

Just this once I want an Angel
Watching over me
Watching Over me

Only Fools fall in love, Theres no angels in this town
Just a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down
God is not around, and no angels in this town
Only fools fall in love, theres no angels in this town

TheRavenEffect · 12-20-2010, 04:06 AM

I dig it. Makes me think of Cage's verse on MANIAC from the new Kid Cudi album. Good sh!t homey

Lisnaholic · 12-23-2010, 09:52 PM

I think your lyrics are excellent ! Even without music, the rhythm of the lines comes across and I like the way you repeat-but-change some of the phrases: good looking/ good at looking, illusion of control/ never had control.

I like the sombre, hard-life imagery as well, but didn`t care so much for the "spoonful of sugar" line. You know that`s the title of an uplifting Mary Poppins song, right ? If you "suck at sober" why aren`t you knocking back those pills with a shot of whiskey or something?

Congrats on an impressive debut, and for taking that traumatic step of going public.

~~RockingGoat~~ · 12-24-2010, 02:36 PM

The rhythm is good, I think.

12-20-2010, 03:53 AM	#1 (permalink)
ThoseDazeGone Groupie Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Right now, Tallahassee Florida Posts: 2	Never Shown Lyrics Before Hey guys. New to all of this, but I'm trying to make a commitment to improvin my lyrics, despite how wierd it makes me feel to just open up the notebook for strangers! No guitars or anything, I'm afraid there going to suck, but please be honest with me. Thanks! Angels She isn't happy riding pumpkins to the ball I gave her front row seats to watch my kingdom fall Watch it fall, theres fireworks and all I dissapear just when you think you're getting close Im so sorry baby, sorry that you fell for a ghost A ghost I suck at sober and I'm even worse at love I ain't good looking but I'm really good at looking for drugs For drugs Just this once I want an Angel Watching over me Watching Over me Only Fools fall in love, Theres no angels in this town Just a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down God is not around, and no angels in this town Only fools fall in love, theres no angels in this town If you ain't got money then you're probably gonna lose I Pick my guitar up and them down south nasty blues The darkest blues Just the shoes on my feet, and the music in my soul I'd give it up for 50 bucks and the illusion of control Never had control We dug a hole, six feet deep, to cover up my tracks I'll see you at my funeral, You Bitch, You're ****ing beautiful in black In black Just this once I want an Angel Watching over me Watching Over me Only Fools fall in love, Theres no angels in this town Just a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down God is not around, and no angels in this town Only fools fall in love, theres no angels in this town __________________ But you'll never find the body!!!

12-20-2010, 04:06 AM	#2 (permalink)
TheRavenEffect Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: The Dreamworld Posts: 62	I dig it. Makes me think of Cage's verse on MANIAC from the new Kid Cudi album. Good sh!t homey Last edited by TheRavenEffect; 12-20-2010 at 04:17 AM.

12-23-2010, 09:52 PM	#3 (permalink)
Lisnaholic ...here to hear... Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: He lives on Love Street Posts: 4,444	I think your lyrics are excellent ! Even without music, the rhythm of the lines comes across and I like the way you repeat-but-change some of the phrases: good looking/ good at looking, illusion of control/ never had control. I like the sombre, hard-life imagery as well, but didn`t care so much for the "spoonful of sugar" line. You know that`s the title of an uplifting Mary Poppins song, right ? If you "suck at sober" why aren`t you knocking back those pills with a shot of whiskey or something? Congrats on an impressive debut, and for taking that traumatic step of going public.

12-24-2010, 02:36 PM	#4 (permalink)
~~RockingGoat~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 18	The rhythm is good, I think.