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Old 06-15-2016, 05:30 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by pansy gayboy 69 View Post
there.
Aren't we all? I thought that's what this site was for.
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I'm not even mad. Seriously I'm not. You're a good dude, and I think and hope you'll become something good
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Old 06-15-2016, 05:32 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Aren't we all? I thought that's what this site was for.
i know i am
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Old 06-16-2016, 11:52 AM   #13 (permalink)
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I'm shocked, no major criticism?
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Old 06-16-2016, 03:26 PM   #14 (permalink)
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What do you want us to say? That "eyes sinking" is, at best, a sloppy metaphor?
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Old 06-16-2016, 07:47 PM   #15 (permalink)
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What do you want us to say? That "eyes sinking" is, at best, a sloppy metaphor?
Then you'd just be digging to be a critic...
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Old 06-16-2016, 08:00 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Digging?
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Old 06-16-2016, 09:03 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Digging?
Because, obviously nobody has had anything negative to say. So it couldn't be that bad... I guess it's not much to rate.. Now if you were able to explain how it's a bad metaphor and how it could improve I might just believe you.
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Old 06-16-2016, 09:23 PM   #18 (permalink)
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It's amazing writing. Truly Fred Durst level poetry.
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Old 06-16-2016, 09:53 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Because, obviously nobody has had anything negative to say. So it couldn't be that bad... I guess it's not much to rate.. Now if you were able to explain how it's a bad metaphor and how it could improve I might just believe you.
Because nobody cares enough to comment then it must be good?
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Old 06-16-2016, 11:06 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by WhyBanhammer View Post
Maybe your mind will change,
or I'll watch you bleed
The "maybe" doesn't make any sense. It'd be better if you cut "maybe", but it will still suck.

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And maybe your eyes will sink,
Before you breathe
The "maybe" at least makes sense here, but then it's followed by an eyes sinking metaphor. I just see eyeballs sinking in the water. Not only is that a nonsensical metaphor, but I think eyeballs float. Could be wrong. Can anyone confirm this?

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Maybe your mind will fail,
before you care
Like, as in senility? So the singer is dating an old woman?

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And maybe you're just hard to take...
That's what she said.
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