We've got a major problem...

djchameleon · 08-16-2013, 09:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Astronomer

Like tore said, people take offense way too easily and some members seem to almost find any excuse to reply to a post with hostility and defense.

such a trap but I will respond to it anyways because the other side of the coin is being misrepresented.

Why do you two feel like you are allowed to tell others how they should feel and what they should or shouldn't be offended by just because you aren't offended by something?

Astronomer · 08-16-2013, 10:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by djchameleon

such a trap but I will respond to it anyways because the other side of the coin is being misrepresented.

Why do you two feel like you are allowed to tell others how they should feel and what they should or shouldn't be offended by just because you aren't offended by something?

Not at all, I just think it sucks that people are upset and angered so easily. For their own sake, I think they would benefit from not taking some posts as seriously as they do to save the drama. I'm not one for telling them how to feel, but more letting them know that it's doubtful that any members here mean to attack anyone so they don't need to react so defensively and get so offended/upset at various "issues" so to speak. More so reassuring them that the members here are not malicious and attacking of anyone so there is no need to get worked up!

I didn't really want to get involved but I guess I have now, just goes to show that people take things way too seriously and react angrily when they respond to things with comments like "I give up, **** it" (Sorry Janszoon, I didn't mean to offend you in any way at all but obviously my post had you react in this manner

The intentions of my post were not malicious or attacking in any way, in fact quite the opposite, yet it still prompts people to respond so defensively which makes me sad.)

I just hate that people are not happy with the situation and react so angrily/negatively/defensively to posts that shouldn't really be taken as offensive in any way. I'll just leave now, I hate drama!

Guybrush · 08-16-2013, 06:11 PM

I sometimes get the feeling that some of the members here, when they read a post, just try their best to find something offensive in that post or some angle from which they can approach its contents so that it becomes offensive and they can get angry. In other words, a lot of members here will start trolling, generate drama and escalate hostility over things I personally think of as rather trivial.

I'm not a naturally passionate or spontaneous sort of person and it takes a while for me to get mad and maybe I'm the one acting strange, but .. If you want a quiet environment and someone's talking loud, it doesn't really help to start screaming back. Likewise, if you want a friendlier environment and someone comes along with an opinion you don't like, acting angry and hostile is obviously not going to help towards that goal.

We can't control people's thoughts on the forum so there are going to be differing opinions. And, except in the most extreme cases, it's not really the opinions themselves which generate the problems, but the way we communicate them.

Paedantic Basterd · 08-16-2013, 09:40 PM

I don't think the point is that we should control what we feel so much as we should control how we respond to it.

djchameleon · 08-16-2013, 09:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedestrian

I don't think the point is that we should control what we feel so much as we should control how we respond to it.

hmm okay.

I do think it's fine to let someone know that you were offended by something they said but as long as you don't attack the person for offending you in the process then it's fine.

What normally ends up happening is the person that did the offendening turns it into a "what's the big deal" type of argument and it snowballs from there.

Paedantic Basterd · 08-16-2013, 09:50 PM

Granted, I haven't set such a good example as of late, but I do try to drop out of a conversation and stop being involved the moment I feel agitated by it. There's no way to say it without sounding like a preacher, but I think if more of us decided to drop heated-arguments, it'd be a more comfortable place for everyone.

Freebase Dali · 08-16-2013, 09:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedestrian

Granted, I haven't set such a good example as of late, but I do try to drop out of a conversation and stop being involved the moment I feel agitated by it. There's no way to say it without sounding like a preacher, but I think if more of us decided to drop heated-arguments, it'd be a more comfortable place for everyone.

I don't think this strategy is a revelation in terms of human behavior. The problem isn't that people don't know the best way to approach a situation, it's that we're emotional and impulsive, the lot of us. Suggesting that we all flip a switch and decide to act upon our better judgement is probably less reasonable in realistic terms.
If "peace" (in so many words) was an effective motivation, we'd never have gotten to this point to begin with.

Paedantic Basterd · 08-16-2013, 10:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Freebase Dali

I don't think this strategy is a revelation in terms of human behavior. The problem isn't that people don't know the best way to approach a situation, it's that we're human. Suggesting that we all flip a switch and decide to act upon our better judgement is probably less reasonable in realistic terms.
There has to be a better incentive for it than "peace", otherwise we'd never have gotten to this point to begin with.

It seems to me that people truly believe they're responding appropriately in dramatic situations (though observers might disagree), and that kind of thinking can't be reasoned with. I'm not really going anywhere with this point, I'm just disheartened by every angle of discussion and quietly crying about it.

Freebase Dali · 08-16-2013, 11:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pedestrian

It seems to me that people truly believe they're responding appropriately in dramatic situations (though observers might disagree), and that kind of thinking can't be reasoned with. I'm not really going anywhere with this point, I'm just disheartened by every angle of discussion and quietly crying about it.

I agree, and the fact that the angle doesn't only point one way is a major reason we need collaboration on this.

Astronomer · 08-17-2013, 01:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janszoon

Here's the thing about being a mod: when you are one you don't get the privilege of just ignoring forum drama. It's actually part of your responsibilities to respond to it in some way if it's getting out of hand. So you can imagine the frustration that comes with the reality that, when you try to deal with it in one way or another, no matter what you do, someone is going to be on your case about it. It's absolutely the shittiest part of being a mod. And even shittier still is when someone you like and respect jumps on you about a decision you've made to try and keep the peace. That's the point where you want to just throw up your hands and say, "Fuck it. Why the hell am I volunteering for this?"

I completely get that, and that would suck. I, for one, would not be able to deal with the stuff you have to put up with on a daily basis because I can't stand pointless drama, so I really do feel for you.

My intentions were not to be "on your case" about anything and I certainly didn't "jump on you." You took my post as offensive when I was in fact just commenting on the whole discussion scenario involving a plethora of other members, rather than YOUR personal actions as a mod

That's what saddens me, posts are being responded to so defensively (not just my post, but others posts and other posters) and I think that is part of the problem.

I wonder how things would be different if people stopped immediately looking for a reason to respond to posts with such hostility. Like I said, no one on this forum intends to cause such drama so why are we constantly seeking it? It sucks.

08-16-2013, 06:11 PM	#3 (permalink)
Guybrush Juicious Maximus III Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Scabb Island Posts: 6,525	I sometimes get the feeling that some of the members here, when they read a post, just try their best to find something offensive in that post or some angle from which they can approach its contents so that it becomes offensive and they can get angry. In other words, a lot of members here will start trolling, generate drama and escalate hostility over things I personally think of as rather trivial. I'm not a naturally passionate or spontaneous sort of person and it takes a while for me to get mad and maybe I'm the one acting strange, but .. If you want a quiet environment and someone's talking loud, it doesn't really help to start screaming back. Likewise, if you want a friendlier environment and someone comes along with an opinion you don't like, acting angry and hostile is obviously not going to help towards that goal. We can't control people's thoughts on the forum so there are going to be differing opinions. And, except in the most extreme cases, it's not really the opinions themselves which generate the problems, but the way we communicate them. __________________ Something Completely Different

08-16-2013, 09:40 PM	#4 (permalink)
Paedantic Basterd Music Addict Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 5,184	I don't think the point is that we should control what we feel so much as we should control how we respond to it.

08-16-2013, 09:50 PM	#6 (permalink)
Paedantic Basterd Music Addict Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 5,184	Granted, I haven't set such a good example as of late, but I do try to drop out of a conversation and stop being involved the moment I feel agitated by it. There's no way to say it without sounding like a preacher, but I think if more of us decided to drop heated-arguments, it'd be a more comfortable place for everyone.