CanwllCorfe

I have that with death, not so much suicide. I'll be driving in my car and imagine going off the road and hitting a tree, rolling it over, getting hit by a drunk driver, etc. I do it every time I'm in the car pretty much. I remember as a kid I hated the idea of my mom/dad or brothers/sister dying before me, so I used to comfort myself by imagining all of us dying together in a car accident. I was around 4 at the time. Weird kid, weird kid.

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Your eyes were never yet let in to see the majesty and riches of the mind, but dwell in darkness; for your God is blind.

FETCHER.

No I don't imagine myself commiting suicide. I imagine things in the same way you, mostly car things or if I'm standing on something up high or on planes.

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The Fascinating Turnip

I'm quite sure I'm never going to commit suicide, but I think about it every single day.

someonecompletelyrandom

The thing I absolutely hate the most about depression is telling people about it. Some people really don't fucking get it.

"Snap out of it."
"Cheer up!"
"Why are you depressed?"
"We all get a little sad sometimes."
"You're just using this as an excuse to be lazy."

If I could snap out of it and cheer up I would. It's not like on the movies where there has to be some kind of traumatic event for a person to retreat into depression, sometimes people just get it. And then you have people who think they know what you're feeling because they've been sad before, because their parakeet died last year and they were real "depressed" about it. Fuck off.

Guybrush

When I've been depressed, which was a very long time ago, I remember being pretty apathetic about it. I didn't care about stuff like f.ex my own health. In a way, being depressed pacified me and kept me from doing anything about me being depressed. Sometimes, the self-pity I felt was quite comforting.

It is really important to keep in mind that I don't really have a problem with depression - my depression was very much a response to my environment and what I was going through and as that changed, my depression went away. But when people say depression, those are the things that come to mind because that's what it means to me. Perhaps people who feel depressed for other reasons, like neurochemical causes, have a very different experience.

For most people who are depressed, there will be something in their past that makes them depressed. Perhaps it's possible for something in one's past to cause depression even though you're not consciously aware it does?

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The Fascinating Turnip

One of my biggest doubts and fears is whether I'm genuinely depressed or just being a pissy wanker. I'd never forgive myself if my misery, self loathing, lack of initiative, lack of enjoyment happened not to be depression and just a part of my personality. I've been like this for most of my life, I suppose, so it could just be a trait. It also makes the possibility that I have depression sound quite scary, as if I'll turn into a different person when I'm not depressed.
About other people, it's absolutely heart wrenching when you're talking to someone else about how rubbish you feel, about how when you wake up in the morning there's nothing to look forward to and they just tell you to grow up or man up or something in the upward direction. Maybe it can be done without any outside help, but fucking hell, it's not as simple as just clicking your ****ing fingers and saying "I'm not going to be sad any more. There!"

This. These negative feelings seem to be particularly addictive, if I can use that (often carelessly flung about) word. When I feel absolutely miserable I somehow take comfort in how bad I feel, which in turn makes me feel bad for enjoying the very thing I hate. It's particularly bad when people just tell you to get off your arse and stop being depressed, since your motivation to do so will be nil and they'll just feel like you're an idiot. It's just another way for the unbearable guilt to worsen.

Farfisa

Yeah, amen to all of that. I wish I wasn't lazy, I really wasn't, but sometimes I feel so awful I just lay in bed all day and say "fuck the world".

CanwllCorfe

This describes me quite well. I've been needing to do laundry for days now. I put things off forever. I sleep for a long time and still feel run down. I feel so heavy and lethargic. It's like a deep set tiredness. I usually feel this to some extent every winter, but this winter has been unseasonably warm and we barely have had any snow. Last winter was hell in both regards, but I definitely didn't feel like I do now. I'm not really sure what it is. Not much has really changed.

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Your eyes were never yet let in to see the majesty and riches of the mind, but dwell in darkness; for your God is blind.

Sparky

Be careful as to not oversleep. I used to always sleep way too much because i figured i didnt have any reason to wake up, but it turns out that oversleeping worsened some of the symptoms, and made my body crave more sleep.

I read sleep deprivation has been shown to help with the symptoms. I do seem to have a more positive outlook on life with 5-6 hrs as oppose to 8 or 9, but the lack of sleep catches up to you fast and by the 3rd day you just feel like complete ****.

Dr_Rez

Getting out into the sunlight helps alot as well. Even if at least temporarily.

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