offensive jokes *giggles* (country, drum, house, rock, Usher)

TrampInaTux · 08-28-2006, 03:33 AM

I actually laughed out loud then. I'll quote it, but I'm not giving raine credit.

Raine · 09-02-2006, 01:28 AM

As you guys know I have a thing for dumb blonde jokes.
here are some of the best ones I've ever heard

Q: Why is a blonde like a shotgun?
A: Give her a cock and she'll be ready to blow.

Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Cuz everyone gets a turn.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and most men?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?
(one of my favorites)

Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
A: Their Mommies told them never to speak to strangers.

It's even more important to realise the big difference between blondes and bitches - a blonde will screw anyone, whilst a bitch will screw anyone but you...

Q: Did you hear about the blonde with a PHd in Psychology?
A: She'll blow your mind, too.

Q: What did the blondes left leg say to her right?
A: As if they've ever met!

Q: What is blonde, brunette, blond, brunette ...?
A: A blonde doing cartwheels.
(well i thought it was funny)

Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: There's a fold-up bed in the Stock room and permanent smiles on the Bosses' faces.

Q: Why did the blonde give a blow job after sex?
A: She wanted to have her cock and eat it too.

Q: What's the difference between a Blonde and a bowling ball?
A: You can only get three of your fingers inside a bowling ball.

Q: Why is a blonde like railway tracks?
A: Cos she's been laid all over the country.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Atlantic Coast?
A: There's fewer crabs in the Atlantic.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: A Rooster says in the Morning - "cockll-doodlle-doooooo", while a blonde shouts, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

feels good to be asian

Raine · 09-02-2006, 02:03 AM

I'll give the dumb blonde jokes a rest.
And for the record I do have a strong dislike for blondes, but just know it wasn't always so as a few years ago I was blonde for a day and I now know what it feels like to not be taken seriously.

Here's a good one though. This one is geared towards as guy (as in you usually hear guys tell this joke to other guys)

The Italian says, "When I’vea finished a makina da love with my girlfriend, I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, she floatsa 6 inches abovea da bed in ecstasy". The Frenchman replies, "Zat is nothing, when Ah ’ave finished making ze love with ze girlfriend, Ah kiss all ze way down her body and zen Ah lick zer soles of her feet wiz mah tongue and she floats 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy". The Brit says, "Mate, that’s nothing. When I’ve finished shagging my bird, I get out of bed, walk over to the window and wipe my dick on the curtains. She hits the fucking roof!"

Raine · 09-02-2006, 02:07 AM

One of the dirtiest (but classic) jokes I know

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."

The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.

After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"

Raine · 09-02-2006, 02:32 AM

Now I'm just posting (random) jokes out of boredom

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon place for their 25th anniversary.
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband: "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied: "All I wanted to do was to **** your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked: "What are you thinking now?"
He replied: "It looks like I did a pretty good job."

Raine · 09-02-2006, 02:40 AM

Seven Most Important Men in a Woman's Life (or something like that)

1. The Doctor - who tells her to "take off all her clothes."

2. The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide."

3. The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in the front or the back?"

4. The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?"

5. The Interior Designer - who assures her "once it's inside, you'll LOVE it!"

6. The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest!"

7. The Primal Hunter - who always goes deep into the bush, always shoots twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps telling her "Keep quiet and lie still!"

I've never been to a hair dresser before so i don't know if that comment is accurate.
And I wholeheartedly detest my banker. It always leads to me going back to family for money or me having to get a job.

But I'll take guy number seven. even if he's blonde. And no matter what he looks like.

sleepy jack · 09-02-2006, 01:33 AM

Oh god, those were great hahahaha.

Raine · 09-02-2006, 01:49 AM

Oh I've got tons more

Q: What did the blind blonde say to her new boyfriend as she was making love to him?
A: "Funny, you don't feel Jewish."

Q: Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped?
A: Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.

Q: What did the blonde say when she was showed her newborn baby in the delivery room?
A: I'm not going to suck anything *that* small
(this is wrong on so many levels)

Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?
A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men

Q: Why do blondes always drink with straws?
A: Practice.

Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
A: From dating blonde men.
(this is classic)

Q: What do a blonde and a good beer have in common?
A: They both go down easy.
This one's for MJ

Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.

and those are allt he ones I can think of at the moment.

Blain · 09-18-2006, 05:32 AM

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw em. *Cool drum noise*

half_baked87 · 09-18-2006, 08:06 PM

polish bank robbery. tied up the safe and blew the guard.

09-02-2006, 01:28 AM	#2 (permalink)
Raine Full-Time Hellion Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: PA Posts: 1,519	As you guys know I have a thing for dumb blonde jokes. here are some of the best ones I've ever heard Q: Why is a blonde like a shotgun? A: Give her a cock and she'll be ready to blow. Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob? A: Cuz everyone gets a turn. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and most men? A: The blonde has the higher sperm count. Q: Why did the blonde cross the road? A: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!? (one of my favorites) Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex? A: Their Mommies told them never to speak to strangers. It's even more important to realise the big difference between blondes and bitches - a blonde will screw anyone, whilst a bitch will screw anyone but you... Q: Did you hear about the blonde with a PHd in Psychology? A: She'll blow your mind, too. Q: What did the blondes left leg say to her right? A: As if they've ever met! Q: What is blonde, brunette, blond, brunette ...? A: A blonde doing cartwheels. (well i thought it was funny) Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office? A: There's a fold-up bed in the Stock room and permanent smiles on the Bosses' faces. Q: Why did the blonde give a blow job after sex? A: She wanted to have her cock and eat it too. Q: What's the difference between a Blonde and a bowling ball? A: You can only get three of your fingers inside a bowling ball. Q: Why is a blonde like railway tracks? A: Cos she's been laid all over the country. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Atlantic Coast? A: There's fewer crabs in the Atlantic. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster? A: A Rooster says in the Morning - "cockll-doodlle-doooooo", while a blonde shouts, "Any-cock'll-doooo." feels good to be asian __________________ A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

09-02-2006, 02:03 AM	#3 (permalink)
Raine Full-Time Hellion Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: PA Posts: 1,519	I'll give the dumb blonde jokes a rest. And for the record I do have a strong dislike for blondes, but just know it wasn't always so as a few years ago I was blonde for a day and I now know what it feels like to not be taken seriously. Here's a good one though. This one is geared towards as guy (as in you usually hear guys tell this joke to other guys) The Italian says, "When I’vea finished a makina da love with my girlfriend, I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, she floatsa 6 inches abovea da bed in ecstasy". The Frenchman replies, "Zat is nothing, when Ah ’ave finished making ze love with ze girlfriend, Ah kiss all ze way down her body and zen Ah lick zer soles of her feet wiz mah tongue and she floats 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy". The Brit says, "Mate, that’s nothing. When I’ve finished shagging my bird, I get out of bed, walk over to the window and wipe my dick on the curtains. She hits the fucking roof!" __________________ A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

09-02-2006, 02:07 AM	#4 (permalink)
Raine Full-Time Hellion Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: PA Posts: 1,519	One of the dirtiest (but classic) jokes I know A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you." The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says. The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun. After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! " The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!" __________________ A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

09-02-2006, 02:32 AM	#5 (permalink)
Raine Full-Time Hellion Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: PA Posts: 1,519	Now I'm just posting (random) jokes out of boredom A man and his wife go to their honeymoon place for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband: "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied: "All I wanted to do was to **** your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked: "What are you thinking now?" He replied: "It looks like I did a pretty good job." __________________ A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

09-02-2006, 02:40 AM	#6 (permalink)
Raine Full-Time Hellion Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: PA Posts: 1,519	Seven Most Important Men in a Woman's Life (or something like that) 1. The Doctor - who tells her to "take off all her clothes." 2. The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide." 3. The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in the front or the back?" 4. The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?" 5. The Interior Designer - who assures her "once it's inside, you'll LOVE it!" 6. The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest!" 7. The Primal Hunter - who always goes deep into the bush, always shoots twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps telling her "Keep quiet and lie still!" I've never been to a hair dresser before so i don't know if that comment is accurate. And I wholeheartedly detest my banker. It always leads to me going back to family for money or me having to get a job. But I'll take guy number seven. even if he's blonde. And no matter what he looks like. __________________ A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

08-28-2006, 03:33 AM	#1 (permalink)
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,412	I actually laughed out loud then. I'll quote it, but I'm not giving raine credit.

09-02-2006, 01:49 AM	#8 (permalink)
Raine Full-Time Hellion Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: PA Posts: 1,519	Oh I've got tons more Q: What did the blind blonde say to her new boyfriend as she was making love to him? A: "Funny, you don't feel Jewish." Q: Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped? A: Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open. Q: What did the blonde say when she was showed her newborn baby in the delivery room? A: I'm not going to suck anything that small (this is wrong on so many levels) Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England? A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush? A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York? A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men Q: Why do blondes always drink with straws? A: Practice. Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons? A: From dating blonde men. (this is classic) Q: What do a blonde and a good beer have in common? A: They both go down easy. This one's for MJ Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head? A: All you can eat, under a buck. and those are allt he ones I can think of at the moment. __________________ A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

09-18-2006, 05:32 AM	#9 (permalink)
Blain w0rd Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Suva, Fiji Posts: 1,030	How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw em. Cool drum noise

09-18-2006, 08:06 PM	#10 (permalink)
half_baked87 sammichestime Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Canada Posts: 376	polish bank robbery. tied up the safe and blew the guard.