offensive jokes *giggles* (country, Kiss, French, tracks, shows)

~~bungalow~~ · 07-06-2006, 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by right-track

True I did.

And against my better judgement it seems.
I'm with Big3 on this Blainka, so if you'll send me another I'll change it for you mate.
I know there is no malice intended on your part.

Hey, I wanna see what his old avatar was!
Show me please RT!!!

swim · 07-06-2006, 11:31 AM

You know the ytmnd nigga stole my bike thing? Well it was donkey kong riding Yoshi being chased by Mario and it said Nigga stole my yoshi.

gabbagabba_hey · 08-08-2006, 12:10 PM

BUMP

how do you keep a black guy out of your backyard??

hang one in your front yard

Fenixpunk · 08-22-2006, 02:02 PM

so this drunk guy walks up to his house with a duck under his arm. He stops at the front door and knocks. His wife opens the door and the drunk guy says "I'd like to introduce you to the pig I've been fucking."

"Honey, that's not a pig that's a duck" his wife replies

"I wasn't speaking to you, I was talking to the duck!"

Blain · 08-22-2006, 11:32 PM

^HAHAHAHAHA

Ahem... So theres 3 chicks, 1 blonde, 1 redhead and 1 brunette.

So their car breaks down in the middle of nowhere and they go their separate ways but before they do they agree to take 1 part of the car each. So the brunette says "I'm going to take the roof for shelter" and then the redhead says "I'm going to take the seat so I can sit down and sleep under it" and then they ask the blonde what she's going to take and she says "I'm gunna take the door so I can wind down the window if I get hot"

It's not that great but it made me giggle

Raine · 08-22-2006, 11:45 PM

^ i love dumb blonde jokes

Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: "I wonder if it`s mine?"

Q: What is the difference between an intelligent blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot`s been sighted.

Q: What do you call twenty blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.

Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: They are easier to amuse.

Raine · 08-24-2006, 03:53 PM

I have a rather unhealthy obsession with dumb blonde jokes. (partially because I have a low tolerance for blondes for some irrational reason most likely).
Anyway here's a list of some of my favorite dumb blonde jokes:

A blonde named Anna had a near death experience.
The other day she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got caught in the stir-up.
When this happened, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down.
Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager happened to walk by and unplugged it

Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room, there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie, *POOF* you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.
A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I‘m the most beautiful woman in the world." *POOF* The mirror swallows her.
Next, a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think I think I‘m the sexiest woman alive! *POOF* The mirror swallows her.
Then an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in and stands before the
mirror and says, "I think..." *POOF*

Raine · 08-24-2006, 03:55 PM

In retaliation to the last joke Crowquill posted in his first post

:

One beautiful Florida morning a guy was walking down the beach and noticed a bottle laying in the sand, and kicked it. He kept kicking it down the beach for about 15 minutes before stopping and picking it up. When he picked it up he noticed that it had a cap on it so, he opened
it. Upon opening it out popped a beautiful but pissed off female genie.

She stated, "Normally, I would grant the person that let me out of my bottle 3 wishes, but since you just got done kicking me down the beach for the past 15 minutes I'm only going to grant you one wish so make it good."

The guy thought and thought and then said, "I know what I want! I would like to wake up with 3 women in my bed in the morning." The genie stated it will be so!

So the guy went home and woke up the next morning with Lorraina Bobbitt, Tonya Harding and, Hillary Clinton in bed with him, he then noticed that his penis had been cut off, both knees were broke, and he didn't have an ounce of health care.

Raine · 08-27-2006, 08:47 PM

A Blonde begins to suspect that her boyfriend of cheating on her. One night she decides to buy a gun.

The next day she skips work and decides to pay an unexpected visit to his apartment. She lets herself in and sure enough, she goes to the bedroom and finds him in bed with a gorgeous redhead.

The blond is furious. She opens her purse to take out the gun.

As she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells "No, honey, don't do it."

The blond replies "Shut up, you're next."

Raine · 08-27-2006, 08:58 PM

I promise this one isn't about dumb blondes. But be forewarned as it is rather gross in nature.

A fellow was on his honeymoon near his favorite fishing lake and he would fish from dawn to dark with his favorite fishing guide. One day the guide, friend of many years, mentioned that the honeymoon seemed to be spent fishing.

"Yes, but you know how I love to fish..."

"But aren't you newlyweds supposed to be into something else?"

"Yes, but she's got gonorrhea; and you know how I love to fish"

A few hours later, "I understand, but that's not the only way to have sex."

"I know, but she's got diarrhea; and you know how I love to fish..."

The following day: "Sure, but that's still not the only way to have sex."

"Yeah, but she's got phyrrea(*); and you know how I love to fish..."

Late that afternoon, thoroughly frustrated: "I guess I'm not sure why you'd marry someone with health problems like that."

"It's 'cause she's also got worms; and you know I just love to fish..."

07-06-2006, 11:31 AM	#372 (permalink)
swim dontcareaboutyou Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: North Carolina Posts: 5,188	You know the ytmnd nigga stole my bike thing? Well it was donkey kong riding Yoshi being chased by Mario and it said Nigga stole my yoshi. __________________ http://nakednaps.bandcamp.com/

08-08-2006, 12:10 PM	#373 (permalink)
gabbagabba_hey Dont Get Raped In Cancun Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: land of treason Posts: 193	BUMP how do you keep a black guy out of your backyard?? hang one in your front yard __________________ go on out get some more go on out to the bar the market or the liquor store friends dont let friends get lost in chinatown

08-22-2006, 02:02 PM	#374 (permalink)
Fenixpunk The Erroneous Hoodlum Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: West Side Phoenix Posts: 2,057	so this drunk guy walks up to his house with a duck under his arm. He stops at the front door and knocks. His wife opens the door and the drunk guy says "I'd like to introduce you to the pig I've been fucking." "Honey, that's not a pig that's a duck" his wife replies "I wasn't speaking to you, I was talking to the duck!" __________________ This message has been approved by Shawn Erroneous - The Declaimed

08-22-2006, 11:45 PM	#376 (permalink)
Raine Full-Time Hellion Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: PA Posts: 1,531	^ i love dumb blonde jokes Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? A: "I wonder if it`s mine?" Q: What is the difference between an intelligent blonde and Bigfoot? A: Bigfoot`s been sighted. Q: What do you call twenty blondes in a circle? A: A dope ring. Q: Why do blondes have more fun? A: They are easier to amuse. __________________ A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

08-24-2006, 03:53 PM	#377 (permalink)
Raine Full-Time Hellion Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: PA Posts: 1,531	I have a rather unhealthy obsession with dumb blonde jokes. (partially because I have a low tolerance for blondes for some irrational reason most likely). Anyway here's a list of some of my favorite dumb blonde jokes: A blonde named Anna had a near death experience. The other day she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got caught in the stir-up. When this happened, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager happened to walk by and unplugged it Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room, there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie, POOF you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again. A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I‘m the most beautiful woman in the world." POOF The mirror swallows her. Next, a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think I think I‘m the sexiest woman alive! POOF The mirror swallows her. Then an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think..." POOF __________________ A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

08-22-2006, 11:32 PM	#375 (permalink)
Blain w0rd Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Suva, Fiji Posts: 1,034	^HAHAHAHAHA Ahem... So theres 3 chicks, 1 blonde, 1 redhead and 1 brunette. So their car breaks down in the middle of nowhere and they go their separate ways but before they do they agree to take 1 part of the car each. So the brunette says "I'm going to take the roof for shelter" and then the redhead says "I'm going to take the seat so I can sit down and sleep under it" and then they ask the blonde what she's going to take and she says "I'm gunna take the door so I can wind down the window if I get hot" It's not that great but it made me giggle

08-24-2006, 03:55 PM	#378 (permalink)
Raine Full-Time Hellion Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: PA Posts: 1,531	In retaliation to the last joke Crowquill posted in his first post : One beautiful Florida morning a guy was walking down the beach and noticed a bottle laying in the sand, and kicked it. He kept kicking it down the beach for about 15 minutes before stopping and picking it up. When he picked it up he noticed that it had a cap on it so, he opened it. Upon opening it out popped a beautiful but pissed off female genie. She stated, "Normally, I would grant the person that let me out of my bottle 3 wishes, but since you just got done kicking me down the beach for the past 15 minutes I'm only going to grant you one wish so make it good." The guy thought and thought and then said, "I know what I want! I would like to wake up with 3 women in my bed in the morning." The genie stated it will be so! So the guy went home and woke up the next morning with Lorraina Bobbitt, Tonya Harding and, Hillary Clinton in bed with him, he then noticed that his penis had been cut off, both knees were broke, and he didn't have an ounce of health care. __________________ A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

08-27-2006, 08:47 PM	#379 (permalink)
Raine Full-Time Hellion Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: PA Posts: 1,531	A Blonde begins to suspect that her boyfriend of cheating on her. One night she decides to buy a gun. The next day she skips work and decides to pay an unexpected visit to his apartment. She lets herself in and sure enough, she goes to the bedroom and finds him in bed with a gorgeous redhead. The blond is furious. She opens her purse to take out the gun. As she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells "No, honey, don't do it." The blond replies "Shut up, you're next." __________________ A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

08-27-2006, 08:58 PM	#380 (permalink)
Raine Full-Time Hellion Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: PA Posts: 1,531	I promise this one isn't about dumb blondes. But be forewarned as it is rather gross in nature. A fellow was on his honeymoon near his favorite fishing lake and he would fish from dawn to dark with his favorite fishing guide. One day the guide, friend of many years, mentioned that the honeymoon seemed to be spent fishing. "Yes, but you know how I love to fish..." "But aren't you newlyweds supposed to be into something else?" "Yes, but she's got gonorrhea; and you know how I love to fish" A few hours later, "I understand, but that's not the only way to have sex." "I know, but she's got diarrhea; and you know how I love to fish..." The following day: "Sure, but that's still not the only way to have sex." "Yeah, but she's got phyrrea(*); and you know how I love to fish..." Late that afternoon, thoroughly frustrated: "I guess I'm not sure why you'd marry someone with health problems like that." "It's 'cause she's also got worms; and you know I just love to fish..." __________________ A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche