Granted. It went off without a hitch. Too bad you overslept and missed it.

I wish I was buds with Satan so I could do whatever I wanted but never have to worry about getting tortured in Hell. We'd just drink forties and throw our bottles at Hitler.

Granted, but Hitler is a born-again Christian and tries his best to act like Jesus. After having thrown so many bottles on him that he's paralyzed forevermore, you realize that he's been a pretty nice guy for the last hundred years. Your conscience torments you, and you try to commit suicide several times, but you can't die, as you're already in hell.

I wish I was rich, happy, healthy, and not obnoxious, all at once.

But you're on Musicbanter and no one appreciates it.

I wish this thread was deleted.

Granted, the whole forum is deleted and it's your fault. An angry mob of batlords shows up at your house.

I wish I had the most neat haircut in the universe

Granted. Now all women think you're gay.

I wish I had an English butler.

Granted.

He's terrible at his job and makes fun of you in ways you don't realize.


I wish I could grow a better beard.

Granted, but it grows so quickly when you wake up in the morning you have to untangle it from your pubes.

I wish Mr. Krabs would release the secret formula to the public.

Granted. It's semen. Animal semen.

I wish I could be a mod. (Not really, but for the purposes of this post let's just say I do.)

You've been modded but only because MB is under Federal investigation and they need a patsy.

I wish my favorite foods were calorie free.

Their taste comes from the calories.

I wish the grass was greener on the other side.