Granted. You can only sing in the shower.

I wish I lived on a self sustained commune on an island with nice weather and infinite rum.

Granted, but it's a commune of nudists who are all 80+.

I wish I owned a yacht.

Granted, but it's fugly as hell and has a giant, irreparable hole in the middle.

I wish there were no trolls or spammers here

Granted, but all the spammers and trolls have gathered at your house, and are trolling and spamming you in person.

I wish I could just quit my job and move somewhere tropical.

Granted. You are totally allowed to do that. Except you end up a beggar.

I wish nobody could corrupt my wishes.

Granted. No more wishes for you.

I wish I wasn't such a handsome young man

Granted. You are now 90. You can't walk, and your eyesight and hearing are almost gone. Also, you shit and piss yourself constantly. Oh, and forget about sex for the rest of your life.

I wish the internet was never invented.

Granted. But without the internet the chain record stores have become ever more powerful and have crushed the last independent, mom and pop store under their corporate boots, so that without them and the internet the only way to buy anything that doesn't begin with Britney and end with Bieber is at a garage sale.

I wish all women had DD's.

Granted, but so do the men so you'd never notice anything was different.

I wish I had a pool.

Granted, but it's filled with immortal sharks.

I wish my math exam went well