This isn't something I'm necessarily bitching about, but I didn't think it deserved its own topic so I'm putting it here.
I've finally decided to deal with my family issues after avoiding it for years.
I think I should consult my doctor about my mother's situation as it has become clear to me that she doesn't seem mentally fit to make her own decisions.
In my mid-teenage years my mother landed in hospital due to poor health management and destructive habits. The doctor said the psychiatrist is convinced she has Borderline Personality Disorder. I didn't have any idea about mental illnesses, and I wasn't sure whether to listen to the doctor or my mother who dismissed the claim and became completely enraged at the doctor for merely suggesting it (now I'm aware it is a common response for people with BPD to react this way).
The last few days the idea came back to me and decided to research BPD. Everything seems to make sense now. A common behavior apparently is people who suffer from BPD tend to hurt themselves when they are in emotional distress after feeling others have hurt them, or generally self harming and destructive. Once when I was having an argument with my mother she completely lost it, grabbed a pen and tried to stab herself in the neck with it while heavily crying. Those emotional responses of enraged heavy crying and anger were very common, she was just in so much emotional pain all the time... I managed to get the pen away, and stayed with her for a while until she calmed down. Some time later when she landed in hospital she was having problems with her legs, but refused to go to the doctor, no matter how many times I told her she should. Instead she decided to starve herself so she could avoid walking to the toilet. She ended up a skeleton eventually on the floor dying before I called the hospital. I should of gotten help before. At that point I was so afraid that she might endanger herself if I triggered her emotional instability, vs. going behind her back to get help. I'm aware I made the wrong decision by continually just tip-toeing around her not doing anything that might trigger it instead of going to get help immediately, and due to my own fear.
She eventually landed in a wheelchair, and decided to lock herself up at home (she hasn't left the house for 10 years). She was also appointed a community carer and made it quite clear that she no longer needed me. Except she would make comments when I decided to leave like "you're going to abandon a disabled woman." or something but guilt tripping was something she did out of emotional fear and her fear of abandonment from what I understand. Eventually I saw an opportunity to flee so I did. However, her carer can be a temperamental jerk who is really rude to other people and I feel has so much power over her.
I realized I didn't have the tools, awareness or understanding to deal with a mother who suffers from a mental disorder, especially as severe as BPD can get. I do feel at fault for not being understanding and patient. So yes, I did not deal with it well at all.
I really want to go back and help her but I'm a bit lost on what to do... Should I just go consult a doctor and tell them my concerns? I know she'd be so pissed off as she doesn't want anybody in her life but... I think something needs to be done... and should of been done a long time ago...
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