The Sexual Experience Thread

[Freebase Dali]

Originally Posted by boo boo

Oh I'm sure of that but I still want to know how many girls enjoy giving head and how many feel like it's a tedious obligation.

Yea that's something you'll have to ask the girls. But from what I've experienced on the receiving end, new relationships are more about the enjoyment of pleasuring (you never even have to ask), and as time goes on, it generally becomes less of that. I'd say it works the same way the other way around as well.

I can see it happening though, you pull out and you prematurely go off, getting it in her hair.

Yet another reason bald chicks rule.

lol.. should have seen that coming.

I think I'd be really pissed if a dude finished in my hair

[boo boo]

Cumguzzling isn't any more cannibalism than wanking is incest..... Ok maybe it is.

Sperm aren't people right, that's how we rationalize wanking. But I guess eating something that is a human byproduct is technically cannibalism.

Also I'm not a health nut but what are the health risks/benefits of eating spooge?

[bannister]

Say polyamory one more time, Boo.

....

Anyways, I agree with what Freebase is saying. I think most women are more attracted by stuff like personality and common interests.

However, we'd still like to be able to look at you without wanting to vomit, and that's a point a lot of "nice guys" miss when they whine about their lack of girlfriends.

I tend to get bored really fast if there's no common ground, too... but everyone gets bored after a while, I'm afraid. :/ And I'm the jealous type, so polyamory/swinging/open relationships would never work for me.

[boo boo]

Yeah women can be just as choosy and judgemental as men. But I think it's natural biology for the females of any species to be that way.

There's nothing wrong with having standards in terms of physical appearance, we all do, but it helps to not have absurdly high standards like some do and also care more about the deeper things, the most superficial men and women are bothered by the most minor physical "flaws" and trivial idiosyncrasies, but at least in terms of looks I think men are much more judgemental and their standards can be ridiculously high, but mostly only on a physical level, while on a personality level some guys standards are ridiculously low.

Not that women cant have high standards in regards to looks. Every Cosmo I've looked through I can never find a picture of a normal looking guy it's always some dude who is so ridiculously handsome that even straight guys would want to f*ck him. I never see guys like this in real life lol.

[Freebase Dali]

Originally Posted by boo boo

Yeah, I get accused of holding women on a high pedestal, true to an extent. But I realise women can be just as choosy and judgemental as men. But I think it's natural biology for the females of any species to be that way.

There's nothing wrong with having standards in opinions we all do, but it helps to not having incredibly high standards like some do and also care more about the deeper things, the most superficial men and women are bothered by the most minor physical "flaws" and trivial idiosyncrasies, but at least in terms of looks I think men are much more judgemental.

Not that women don't have high standards. Every Cosmo I've looked through I can never find a picture of a normal looking guy it's always some dude who is so ridiculously handsome that even straight guys would want to f*ck him. I never see guys like this in real life lol.

I think it's important for both you AND the girl to be just as self-serving as you are generous. I've never met a girl who really wanted a guy who was a complete pushover and did everything they wanted and took no pleasure for himself.
I would think that to a girl, if the guy is actually getting some gratification out of the relationship beyond just satisfying her, then it's reflective of her own desirability and not of some weird need for a guy to exist only to serve the needs of another, even if meeting that need is what gratifies him.
I think there needs to be a gratification in each partner that each partner can personally identify with. When you have that, you don't HAVE to ask whether you're pleasing the other person most of the time. You just know it's happening and there's a security in that.

I think that's where your confidence comes from. Mutual beneficiaries on the same level. Not some born-in, branded style of personality that applies in all scenarios. That's destined to fail at points. Just being cognizant of the other person's desires while not denying your own is sufficient. If you happen to be a couple who's desires don't clash, then you're better off. Just don't tailor your own identity for the sake of someone else's. That's where thinks have a huge potential of backfiring.

[boo boo]

Originally Posted by Freebase Dali

I think it's important for both you AND the girl to be just as self-serving as you are generous. I've never met a girl who really wanted a guy who was a complete pushover and did everything they wanted and took no pleasure for himself.

I don't want a girl who doesn't enjoy doing things. But I don't want a girl who keeps me bottled up either because she has a ridiculously long list of things she refuses to do. I would be willing to try things she likes if shes willing to try things I like. Diplomacy.

And getting your partner to actually enjoy the things you want her to try is even better.

I would think that to a girl, if the guy is actually getting some gratification out of the relationship beyond just satisfying her, then it's reflective of her own desirability and not of some weird need for a guy to exist only to serve the needs of another, even if meeting that need is what gratifies him.
I think there needs to be a gratification in each partner that each partner can personally identify with. When you have that, you don't HAVE to ask whether you're pleasing the other person most of the time. You just know it's happening and there's a security in that.

Yeah a woman who doesn't have any sexual desires or fantasies of her own, that would be too weird for me, the kinkier the better I say. I'm not one of those guys who are into the passive/submissive thing that some guys have a weird fetish for.

Sex from my perspective shouldn't be about dominance and submission so much as a union fromed from a diplomatic relationship, even if its a position or act that requires a dominant and submissive role, if both parties arent enjoying it a good deal it can't really qualify as "great" sex.

I think that's where your confidence comes from. Mutual beneficiaries on the same level. Not some born-in, branded style of personality that applies in all scenarios. That's destined to fail at points. Just being cognizant of the other person's desires while not denying your own is sufficient. If you happen to be a couple who's desires don't clash, then you're better off. Just don't tailor your own identity for the sake of someone else's. That's where thinks have a huge potential of backfiring.

Yeah, this seems like such a simple solution to the problem, it's amazing how many couples don't function this way. And those are the ones that are bound to fail.

[Scarlett O'Hara]

Originally Posted by boo boo

I don't want a girl who doesn't enjoy doing things. But I don't want a girl who keeps me bottled up either because she has a ridiculously long list of things she refuses to do. I would be willing to try things she likes if shes willing to try things I like. Diplomacy.

And getting your partner to actually enjoy the things you want her to try is even better.



Yeah a woman who doesn't have any sexual desires or fantasies of her own, that would be too weird for me, the kinkier the better I say. I'm not one of those guys who are into the passive/submissive thing that some guys have a weird fetish for.

Sex from my perspective shouldn't be about dominance and submission so much as a union fromed from a diplomatic relationship, even if its a position or act that requires a dominant and submissive role, if both parties arent enjoying it a good deal it can't really qualify as "great" sex.



Yeah, this seems like such a simple solution to the problem, it's amazing how many couples don't function this way. And those are the ones that are bound to fail.

How can you really know what you want in a girl if you haven't been with one (that's the impression I'm getting). Finding the right girl is about getting through different relationships because without experience you'll never know exactly what best suits you or even how the way people behave in the relationship suits you. You can't be so specific about who you want when you haven't experienced it.

[boo boo]

Originally Posted by Vanilla

How can you really know what you want in a girl if you haven't been with one (that's the impression I'm getting). Finding the right girl is about getting through different relationships because without experience you'll never know exactly what best suits you or even how the way people behave in the relationship suits you. You can't be so specific about who you want when you haven't experienced it.

I'm not that specific, I don't think so anyway.

I may not have experience but I'd like to think (and have been told) that I'm a very observant person. As an introvert I take more pleasure in examining things than in participating in them. It has always been my method in learning.

Regarding appearance I have a "6 out of 10 is good enough" policy lol. Im not at all that specific about what interests she needs to have because getting involved with someone who is interested in different things is an adventure.

In personality? "Don't be a spiteful, controlling bitch" is about as specific as I get.

[VEGANGELICA]

Originally Posted by Freebase Dali

I wouldn't know from experience, but I'm pretty sure when kids come into the picture and you're married or whatever, they're the main focus and the attention is on keeping things together for their sake and not for the sake of your sexual urges or lack thereof.

This has definitely been true in my experience, Freebase. I have found that the friendship in the relationship is what really holds it together during this phase.

I also want to point out that a girl is not necessarily attracted to the way you "look" in the same way we are attracted to the way they look. Their attraction has more of a mental basis than a visual one, especially in the long term, and the way we act can have a huge effect on how attractive we are to them. Us guys might be attracted to a particular woman's body for years, but they're not so lucky if we're douchebags the whole relationship, as we'll be more of a turn-off regardless.

You should be a sex therapist! It is *also* my experience in relationships that the more clashes over issues, or the more often a significant other put me down, my feelings about his attractiveness changed. Someone I intially felt was attractive started to feel repulsive to me...even though I could *see* the person looked exactly the same. The quality of the relationship outside sex definitely affected whether I found the person to be physically attractive.

Originally Posted by Freebase Dali

Just don't tailor your own identity for the sake of someone else's. That's where thinks have a huge potential of backfiring.

This is perhaps the most important lesson I learned through all my relationships: I can't try to change who I feel I am in my core and remain happy. Early on I was much more plastic, wanting to mold myself to gain the person's acceptance and approval. I finally learned to stop doing that (mostly). I really valued finding someone who accepted me as I am for the most part, not wanting to change me fundamentally. That actually became my main criterion in finding a partner...in addition to finding someone with a sense of humor.

Willingly changing certain aspects of yourself to try to help your partner feel more comfortable, especially when it isn't hard to do or if you agree that you'd like to change those things about yourself, is fine. But when a partner dislikes something you feel is core to your personality, I don't think the relationship will ever work (well).