Trollheart

That's a lie: you are very good. You just need to settle your style down a little, and get that tenses thing under control.
I can certainly critique this if you want, but if you're going to ignore my points or, to use one of Frownland's favourite words, just say I'm mean, I won't bother.

I do wonder though, why you keep posting stuff you say is not your good stuff? I mean, I have written tons of garbage in my time, but I'd never dream of posting the bad stuff. What's the point? If you know it sucks, then everyone else is going to know that too. Why not post something you're actually proud of? I wouldn't post anything here that I didn't think was good enough to be read.
If you're a good writer, then yes, you should be.

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

rubber soul

I've got a question for you then. Why do you post your good stuff here instead of trying to get it published? My best stuff is the one book I wrote and even that still needs editing.

And you sure as hell ain't going to see that because if I ever do publish anything, it will be that. Besides, it wouldn't be dark enough for you anyway.

I'll write little snippets here and there on the boards, probably in the games section. And if you think it sucks, well,

But seriously, what's holding you back from getting a publisher? You could even self-publish your stuff these days if you're worried about rejection.

I'd still join a writing forum where you could at least protect your work while getting critiqued, though I'd advise against posting the entire book for a variety of reasons. Just submit a chapter or two and chances are it will be read, especially if it's good. Also make sure you reciprocate with your own critiques (which from what I've seen, shouldn't be a problem). At some forums it's even a requirement.

Anyway, I know I'm not the next Dostoevsky nor will I try to be. I just turned 56 and I have better things to do with my life, pathetic as it is.

But you are talented, Troll. Don't waste the talent on a f****** music site.


Still friends?

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Trollheart

Okay, well first of all that story I wrote is okay but I doubt it is good enough to be published anywhere. My novels are still being written, nowhere near ready for publication in any form yet. Sure, self-publishing makes it easier these days but I'm not that familiar with how it works. I mentioned here before that I came across a company or site which would get me published for the "low price" of 800 dollars. I ain't got that.

With my responsibilities being as they are, I don't have the time or energy to seek actual publication, and even if I did, what could I publish? Some short stories that probably would get rejected in the real world? I mostly post my writings here just to get feedback and see if it's as acceptable as I convince myself it is.

I'm only two years younger than you, by the way.

I'm not trying to be nasty or harsh, but as I said, if your writing is not up to scratch surely you'd want to know? I have pointers on your secret agent story that could make it better, or at least more believable or interesting, if you want them, but as I said, if you're just going to laugh off my advice (which is fine; you're entitled to do that but I just wouldn't personally when someone is trying to help you) then what's the point?

Of course we're still friends. Nothing personal at all. Writer v Writer can be some of the most down-and-dirty, vicious deathmatches around, but it shouldn't impact friendships.

I'm writing a story today which I'll hope to publish later. Feel free to tear it apart if you think it sucks.

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Trollheart

I'm working on two now, one a horror involving (yay!) vampires, the other a science-fiction with a Twilight Zone type of twist to it. Tentatively, they're going to be called Check and Mate and The Quarry respectively, though I may change those titles. Probably post both after Christmas. Have a good one!

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

rubber soul

Sure, I'd like to hear your comments on my Super Agent story. I wrote that one a while ago too, but you have to admit it's better than my other throwaway

Oh, you should go over to the Writing Discussion at my old writing forum. We had a pair that would go toe to toe with anybody. It didn't hurt that they were two of the best writers on that forum. Some know it all would come over there and the poor guy would end up mincemeat.

Yeah, take a look at my secret agent story. Of course it's flawed (mostly because of the word limit in the challenge). It is closer to my real writing style though (I do tend to be a little demented ).

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rubber soul

That was a good critique, thanks.

I can explain the glass eye. The challenge always has a prompt. In this case, you had to include a glass eye somewhere in your story. That's why Gluberg has a glass eye, though I guess I could have had Green throw an explosive glass eye at him.

I do have a habit of repeating words. When I was trying to get a chapter critiqued, a guy mentioned that I used 'just' something like 23 times. Now, I panic every time I use that word somewhere.

Okay, I'm ready. I'm sure I'll find something. I usually concentrate mostly on grammar (and yes, I know about English vs. American spelling. If I'm unsure about a word, I'll check it out before I go kamikaze XD).

Thanks for the critique

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Trollheart

Ah, I see. I did wonder about the glass eye. Personally (and again, this is just me) I would have thought outside the box, having his superweapon being some sort of malevolent glass eye that can concentrate a beam of focussed energy on ... well, yeah, that's me. Anyhoo, as to repeating words, I assume you own a Thesaurus? If not, there are online ones. I find them really helpful when I want to find an alternative to a word I've already used. Re-reading your stuff is also essential, as I'm sure you're aware; some of the stupidest mistakes have come to light for me just by simply reading over what I've written, and of course it's not good to write as you speak. I mean, I use the word "basically" a lot, or the phrase "in fairness" or "to be fair" but I try not to use them when writing. Glad you were able to take the advice on board.

As to my story, unfortunately Karen felt sick today and the emergency doctor services decided to shut down, so I was prepared for a trip to the hospital, but have sorted it out now I hope. It does mean though that I hadn't the time to write the new story, but I'll try to get some of it done today and hopefully finish it tomorrow (it's nowhere near as long as Waiting For That Day...) and I'll post it then. Interested to hear your comments (or anyone else's, of course).

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

rubber soul

I do a lot of re-reading actually. It's one reason you see a lot of edit notes in a lot of my posts.

I'm sorry to hear about Karen (Karen is your wife, right? I know you said something about a sister too). Anyway, I hope she feels better. Take your time with the story; I won't be going anywhere.

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Trollheart

Nah, Karen's my sister. No woman would put up with me so I'm not married. She seems to be a lot better now anyway, just tired. At least we avoided a trip to the hospital. 12-16 hours to be told "Nah you're ok go home. You haven't transport? We'll organise an ambulance for you. What? Oh, anything up to ten hours."

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

rubber soul

You too, Trolls. I started a Christmas thread as a trial balloon in Games. If that goes off well, I'll start the What Really Happened in Music thread. I might start doing reviews on really bad albums too next year.


In the meantime, you and Karen have a Merry Christmas and I await your next stories

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