TFW you start to freak out cause how the hell did you smear **** on your pillow oh wait *sniff* it's chocolate.

TFW your best friend is basically a nice, harmless guy but whenever he's drunk he behaves in a way that seems insulting to guys and sex molestery to girls and you always have to defend him.

TFW nobody gives a shit.

It has numerous uses but I don't buy it as much as I should.

TFW four people you know through associates die from overdoses in one week.

TFW when you bring your food to work and you look over at the vending machine containing a fish filet sandwich. Four minutes before you didn't know you wanted it, but that is no deterrent: "Definitely coming back for that in a few hours," you say. Hours pass, with filet on the mind, only to be dashed when the clock hits rightly as you make your return to La Machina. For it is then that you discover the sandwich in question has, simply, vanished into the afterglow of salt & pepper shakers, ruffling newspapers and beeping cell-phone chatter.

Now you want to know who did it, so you can get justice.

I had a similar experience but with a free book that I wanted to pick up. Only 30 mins passed and when I returned looking for the book someone already snatched it. I also hate that I only vaguely remember how the book cover looks and didn't commit the title to memory.

What happened?

Did you get justice?

No there were only a few people so I scanned the room and the lady dipped out. Made off with my goods that I should have set aside for myself. At least, I did get a book from Octavia Bulter.

Tfw when you just want to pickle things and raise chickens but you have no chickens and instead just read chicken raising forums while feeling wildly envious and confused as to why you must develop all of these deeply uncool interests all the time.

tfw you don't believe in magic and experience paranormal, supernatural, and unexplainable occurrences on the daily. Gee, world view. You never seemed so shattered. In closure, if the lady in the red dress, black stockings, heels, long black hair, and oversized conical straw hat could stop stalking me and appearing in oblong places that would be great. Your waves from your perched gargoyelesque pose on the electrical box above the garage and across the street are frightening and flattering but I'd rather keep my sanity.

https://www.backyardchickens.com/

I've been a member for a few years now. I have zero chickens.

I think I've browsed that site's forum a lot; I'll have to join too. I really don't understand why the mundane details of strangers' chickens and chicken personalities are so riveting to me, but I don't want to fight it. I cannot fight it.

I think my preoccupation with chickens stems from my appreciation for Buckethead.

I helped raise backyard chickens before. That was about 6 years ago and can barely remember any of it but it was alright. Tasted a little different from store bought eggs.

My dad has chickens and I hope he kills himself.

At least he doesn't have crabs.

TFW you're talking to yourself and you realize that you didn't even say a real sentence, so now you're crazy AND incoherent.

I'm feeling weirdly weird

Tfw you're lying awake at 3:43 am because you're craving smoked salmon with the intensity of a thousand suns. (I can't go out and buy more because I already spent too much on smoked salmon earlier this week. I think I might be a bear.)

Or pregnant.

The two don't necessarily exclude each other.

2:20 AM. Wide awake. After voiding my greasy breakfast this morning I ended up laying down and semi-sleeping for about 3 hours. Big mistake.

:banghead::banghead::banghead:

You're too old for that shit.

Tfw you get new siding on the office and then put a huge gaping dent in it with the golf cart by trying to back into what you thought would be a good a spot for a golf cart.

Aye carumba.

tfw you walk into the living room and your gay roommate left a two gallon container of coconut oil on the floor.


uh...



sigh.
someone wanna take me outta here?
****in hate this city man.
gfd dude.

When life gives you oil, oil yourself up like a gladiator and never look back.

Had to get some personal **** off my chest and let somebody know how I felt. Good to feel that weight lifted. Now hopefully I can move on. Just really felt like I had to let her know because I don't think she ever knew.

Edit: I know for a fact she didn't know, actually.

Tfw it's been overcast and rainy for TWO WHOLE days

https://s2.postimg.org/s2ac7m1fd/thundering.jpg

That looks like how people from normal states would react to Seattle.

TFW the person who is reviewing your news article doesn't know the difference between then and than, uses Chicago style instead of AP for formatting, and wants to add an opinion to the end of a wholly fact-based article that they asked me to remain objective on....:bonkhead:

And they use more exclamation points than an adult ever should.

TFW you're on a two week holiday from work.

Omg you really are dumb. You're supposed to squint.

i had to google solar vs lunar this morning to figure out which one was ok to look at

.

Tfw you start sobbing over a cat you had 5 years ago out of the blue. (I constantly miss him but I usually don't become quite so distraught)

I occasionally go through the same thing. Except over a sandwich. You can't possibly know how good that sandwich was.

I like when Facebook reminds you that it's the anniversary of one of your pets' death with an excitedly positive tone.