I'm a big proponent of "if you don't put yourself first, nobody else will". There comes a time when you cannot afford to continue to care about the plights of the people who hurt you, because they certainly do not care about yours. It takes more emotional fortitude to "return to normal" with a person who has harmed you than can be expected of anybody. I am certainly not strong enough. If you need to cut and run, you do it.

The thing is, my compassion and "giving" is what put her in the position she's in now. I was too nice because it was my first relationship, so now I'm trying to learn to not do that for her. I know deep down I should not help her because it's time for me to move on. But it's hard when she's still able to be manipulative passively. I know where you're coming from, but if you were in my place, it'd be you saying what I'm saying. Trust me.

I shouldn't have to move, that's my point. I've lived here my whole life. She hasn't. She's told me she wanted to go home, so she rented a car. Why the hell is she back here then? For no other reason than to exist where I exist. It's ****ty.

Does LiL have your virginity?

I think the big part of this is that I know her tone. So when she texts me (somehow getting my number even though she's blocked and mine has changed) I know exactly what she wants, even if she's not saying it.

I do try to put myself forward but I was never able to do that over the past couple years so this is all new to me.

Yes. And I own the cat we both raised. And I've never been able to get rid of that guilt as she tries to bring it up whenever she can.

That explains a lot. You bonded your soul to hers, and now it's bleeding inside from being ripped away.

That makes a lot of sense.

Exactly. Their interpersonal dynamic is/has become clearly dysfunctional and has only led to a toxic situation. Pursuing that dynamic, even in a non-romantic context, is not going to lead to anything different. Besides that, she's a heroin addict. You can't save an addict from themselves and any compassion you give will not provide any real, tangible help for her and certainly none that would counteract the harm that continuing to associate with her would.

Compassion for an ex-lover who's life is in shambles is perfectly understandable and natural, but helping a wounded tiger can easily end up with you mauled to death.

Batlord, I did not know you possessed such wisdom. This is a compliment, not a scathing critique.

This is all true. I know from experience. That girl can only help herself and if Ki gets involved she's only going to use him to get what she needs. Do you know how many promises my brother made to me only to break it as soon as he got what he wanted? I lost count.